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I was diagnosed with OCD ages ago, I first started having obsessive thoughts about wetting myself - I knew it was irrational but couldn't stop thinking of how awful it would be. Eventually, I started having panic attacks and became agoraphobic.
I have had intrusive thoughts where I wonder if I'm capable of harming people I love. I had a very acute episode where I wouldn't get out of bed and was convinced I was a potential murderer. I've gotten a handle on it now, the thoughts still come and go, I still despise them however they no longer provoke the same anxiety in me. The only way to break the cycle is to realise they are OCD (or pure 'O' as some refer to it) and not me. Very difficult thing to do to be fair.
I haven't seen much on here from anyone who has similar obsessive thoughts, am I one of a few or do people just find it difficult to talk about them?
Nel x
ConfusedByLife
02-12-06, 13:39
I dont have Ocd but have a brother who does. It seems to be very common now although it can be very different from person to person. Although i dont have ocd I can relate to your irrational thoughts in a way. I am socially anxious and as such a big part of my problem is constantly having thoughts that ppl r judging me negatively. Although i know it is irrational, i like u cant seem to help it, and if anything it is getting worse. I sometimes worry im almost becoming scitzo cuz i walk round with thoughts in my head that i know are ridiculous and cant understand whyI have them. Just know u aren't alone at all. Big hugs
Simon
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I dont have Ocd but have a brother who does. It seems to be very common now although it can be very different from person to person. Although i dont have ocd I can relate to your irrational thoughts in a way. I am socially anxious and as such a big part of my problem is constantly having thoughts that ppl r judging me negatively. Although i know it is irrational, i like u cant seem to help it, and if anything it is getting worse. I sometimes worry im almost becoming scitzo cuz i walk round with thoughts in my head that i know are ridiculous and cant understand whyI have them. Just know u aren't alone at all. Big hugs
Simon
<div align="right">Originally posted by ConfusedByLife - 02 December 2006 : 13:39:10</div id="right">
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Ah cheers Simon, big hugs to you to mate!
You are most certainly not schizo, I imagine everyone on here who has an anxiety disorder of any sort has googled schizophrenia and psychosis at some point, we ALL do it! I spent 2 nights recently, in the local hospital, I had started taking meds for OCD and anxiety and it sent my thoughts into overdrive. After 4 weeks on the med, I was so far gone that I had made a deal with myself - and I was serious, if I thought I was about to harm someone I would kill myself first.
I went to hospital, they stopped the meds immediately and 2 days later the withdrawal kicked in and that is when I agreed to spend a couple of nights there. Well, when the effects of the meds started to wear off and I got 'myself' back, I couldn't believe how 'normal' I was. I met manic depressives, schizophrenics and all manner of bizarre behaviours. I actually had to disappear into my room a couple of times to have a laugh (sorry if that sounds nasty, but some of the stuff they said was damn funny). I couldn't wait to get out the place, it was awful and good for me at the same time - it made me realise how much insight I had and how capable I was of dealing with it, made me sad too - to see people who really were mentally ill with no clue whatsoever - they thought everyone else was mad!
Nel xx
yorkylover
02-12-06, 17:45
Quite a few people here have had intrusive thoughts,that is down to anxiety.Its really scarey.I cant quite see the funny side of people with mental illness'e saying damn funny things.I maybe a bit of a wet blanket,but some of us have mental illness's and have family members who are mentally ill and are in hospital.Its must be nice to feel normal again.
Ellen XX
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Quite a few people here have had intrusive thoughts,that is down to anxiety.Its really scarey.I cant quite see the funny side of people with mental illness'e saying damn funny things.I maybe a bit of a wet blanket,but some of us have mental illness's and have family members who are mentally ill and are in hospital.Its must be nice to feel normal again.
Ellen XX
<div align="right">Originally posted by ELLEN - 02 December 2006 : 17:45:12</div id="right">
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I'm sorry I offended you by saying that. I was borderline detainable, was utterly suicidal, so to be fair I wasn't in there having a great laugh - I spent most of my time there crying like a baby, away from my family who were and still are worried sick about me.
I was demonstrating the reality check, I found it amusing when a woman accused me of pawning her walking stick. I actually became very fond of this woman over the 2 days so don't think I was laughing AT her.
There is no aspect of my disorder which is 'nice', which is why I never used that word - my life is in fact, largely, a living hell.
honeybee3939
02-12-06, 19:36
Hi Nel
Heres some posts that may help:
odd thoughts... (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5201)
Strange thoughts....Anyone else? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5294)
Silly thoughts (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5694)
strange things! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6461)
worried... (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7323)
scared and down! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7389)
Have you ever achieved freedom from your thoughts (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3184)
Obsessive Compulsive Behaviour in Thoughts (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2282)
Love
Andrea
xxx
"If you have a worry turn it into a problem, you cant solve worrys but you can solve problems"
Cheers Andrea. I had a wee look at the posts, the thing is my anxiety is as a result of obsessive thoughts - they aren't necessarily delusional thoughts, I don't feel 'detatched' and question morality or whatever, they are usually very specific and the harm thoughts are the most distressing.
yorkylover
02-12-06, 23:16
I understand your life maybe a living hell.So is mine,I have to live with mental health issues.As do alot of other people.Maybe I just misunderstood your post,which I apologise for.
Ellen XX
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I understand your life maybe a living hell.So is mine,I have to live with mental health issues.As do alot of other people.Maybe I just misunderstood your post,which I apologise for.
Ellen XX
<div align="right">Originally posted by ELLEN - 02 December 2006 : 23:16:32</div id="right">
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You have no need at all to apologise, we all have to find whatever catalyst we can to pull through, eh? I accept I have a severe mental health disorder, I just cling to the fact that I have insight - it is one of the few things which keeps me going. I have the utmost repsect for all the other members too, I didn't mean to sound selfish or disrespectful - I just wanted to post this topic, mainly for responses from anyone who is tortured by the harm thought element of OCD.
Nel xxx
Alexocelix
04-12-06, 19:04
Hi there, recently I have developed these kind of thoughts. It's very upsetting and I too wonder whether I am developing a more serious problem. I was glad to find it had a name, in pure O. I always had ocd as a kid. But when I get them, I feel hugely guilty, despite deep down knowng that it's the exact opposite thought of what I really feel.
For some reason now, I'm so scared of judging people or harming people, that I'm always monitoring my reaction when I see a person, be it on tv or whatever, it seems to have made me very sensitive to being around people, if you get me.
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Hi there, recently I have developed these kind of thoughts. It's very upsetting and I too wonder whether I am developing a more serious problem. I was glad to find it had a name, in pure O. I always had ocd as a kid. But when I get them, I feel hugely guilty, despite deep down knowng that it's the exact opposite thought of what I really feel.
For some reason now, I'm so scared of judging people or harming people, that I'm always monitoring my reaction when I see a person, be it on tv or whatever, it seems to have made me very sensitive to being around people, if you get me.
<div align="right">Originally posted by Alexocelix - 04 December 2006 : 19:04:01</div id="right">
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I get you 100%.
It's difficult, I think I may need to have meds for this - I have tried going it alone but OCD is a tricky one to overcome. I seem to have acute episodes of it, when the thoughts last all day - then periods when it isn't quite so bad and I can cope with them better.
I have the option of taking either anafranil or prozac (both are known to be very effective in OCD), anafranil is my psychiatirsts choice (after I reacted badly to sertraline) but it's an older anti-d, and I am really sensitive to side effects (and the older ones are known to have worse side effects).
Nel xxx
Alexocelix
04-12-06, 19:31
I don't know about meds. I was gonna try prozac but I read that it can make you more manic (google! [Oops!]), so that put me right off the idea. I get what you said about scuppering yourself if you ever thought you were really losing it. Sometimes I have to go for walks all day till I'm physically exhausted, just so I know I wnt be a threat to anyone. I'm getting a bit paranoid about things too now which just makes things trickier for myself, though it's mainly just the same thing I think (hope) - ie - I'm so scared of becoming insane that I'm constantly expecting to see or hear something that will prove to me that I've lost it.
I have these thoughts too. I'm worried that people think I'm a wierdo because of the way I act sometimes. My thoughts are usually me doing something really embarrassing.
I also have horrible thoughts of hurting my loved ones. I went to the doctor and he put me on Luvox, I have been taking it now for 4 days and my mind has seemed to stop but the thoughts are still there but not like they were before. I have had days where I have just felt so gulity that I wanted to commit myself into the hospital because I dont want to live anymore. I know it is just the OCD but I cant get it through my head. Today I am having a really hard time I just want to curl up and hide for the rest of my life.[V]
I am so glad to have someone to talk to who goes through the same things I do.
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I also have horrible thoughts of hurting my loved ones. I went to the doctor and he put me on Luvox, I have been taking it now for 4 days and my mind has seemed to stop but the thoughts are still there but not like they were before. I have had days where I have just felt so gulity that I wanted to commit myself into the hospital because I dont want to live anymore. I know it is just the OCD but I cant get it through my head. Today I am having a really hard time I just want to curl up and hide for the rest of my life.[V]
I am so glad to have someone to talk to who goes through the same things I do.
<div align="right">Originally posted by Lyndsey - 05 December 2006 : 14:04:02</div id="right">
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I think the harming loved ones thoughts (which after looking through some posts on the stuckinadoorway site, aren't that uncommon) are definately the worst - they have been for me anyway.
My CB therapist (whom I can't afford to see any more, sadly) told me it wasn't the actual thought that was distressing me, it was the secondry thoughts. Now, when I have a violent thought, I let it sit there. I don't reason, I don't try to justify it or reassure - and it goes after about 15 minutes or so.
nealorange
08-12-06, 21:00
I have been getting flashes of harming loved ones and it scared the crap out of me, there's no way I'd ever do something like that so why are they happening. They are immeadiately followed by fear and guilt, and with the fear comes the burst of adrenilin that we all know so well. I find these instances particularly disabling but luckily they are infrequent.
I could never tell my wife in case she worried they might mean more than they do and I was starting to feel alone on this one. What has helped recently is Claire Weekes book. She describes these as being quite common and says that they are just thoughts that pop into your head.
Our problem is our reaction to the thoughts, the burst of fear and guilt, or secondry fear as she calls it. If we just accept that our brain supplies us with all sort of random thoughts and just chose to dismiss them as just a thought, then these thoughts will lose their power and will stop bothering us, eventually going away altogether. After all these thoughts are usually the last thing in the world we could ever do so why would we ever credit them as being anything other than gobledegook being spat out by our brain. If the thought was relating to building a house out of custard we would just dismiss it and never think of it again. Our fear is playing on our fear.
I've been trying this 'lose the secondry fear' technique the last couple of days and it seems to be working, could be worth giving it a try.
Good luck,
Neal
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I have been getting flashes of harming loved ones and it scared the crap out of me, there's no way I'd ever do something like that so why are they happening. They are immeadiately followed by fear and guilt, and with the fear comes the burst of adrenilin that we all know so well. I find these instances particularly disabling but luckily they are infrequent.
I could never tell my wife in case she worried they might mean more than they do and I was starting to feel alone on this one. What has helped recently is Claire Weekes book. She describes these as being quite common and says that they are just thoughts that pop into your head.
Our problem is our reaction to the thoughts, the burst of fear and guilt, or secondry fear as she calls it. If we just accept that our brain supplies us with all sort of random thoughts and just chose to dismiss them as just a thought, then these thoughts will lose their power and will stop bothering us, eventually going away altogether. After all these thoughts are usually the last thing in the world we could ever do so why would we ever credit them as being anything other than gobledegook being spat out by our brain. If the thought was relating to building a house out of custard we would just dismiss it and never think of it again. Our fear is playing on our fear.
I've been trying this 'lose the secondry fear' technique the last couple of days and it seems to be working, could be worth giving it a try.
Good luck,
Neal
<div align="right">Originally posted by nealorange - 08 December 2006 : 21:00:13</div id="right">
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Keep at it hon, the secondary thoughts are definately what cause the distress.
Nel xxx
Alexocelix
17-12-06, 21:28
Hey, I've been thinking too much about this recently. I keep wondering, why do I keep punishing myself with these thoughts, this anxiety that causes them. Is it something I can control, and if so, why the frick would I keep willing it to happen?
I hope people understand what I'm trying to ask, do I deserve to think these kind of thoughts for some kind of reason? Sometimes I think I must actually love anxiety and use it as a crutch or something, like maybe I'm not willing to let go of it. Trying to control everything around me by touching things in a certain pattern or whatever.
Hello Alexocelix and Nel
I know what your saying about the harming thoughts. My thoughts are not about harming others but about harming and doing away with myself and the thoughts cause so much anxiety. My OCD got worse because of getting burnout from overdoing it at work. I started up my own company two years ago and it is just gone crazy. So at the moment my body is totally exhausted and now the OCD has taken over again. I am having CBT and am on medication which does help but it just is so awful to have thes thoughts and they just don't go away. In the past i have had OCD thoughts about being GAY when I am 100% heterosexual as my therapist keeps telling me but the OCD tells me otherwise and also thoughts about doing things to children. I adore children and would never do anything to harm anyone.
Sorry for going on but I just wanted to say that I know what it is like.
Sunflower
Alexocelix
18-12-06, 15:00
Hmm, as well as harming thoughts, I seem to be getting other stupid instrusive thoughts. I don't know whether this is still O.C.D...basically in a social ocassion, I kinda let myself think thoughts like the opposite of what I'm saying, or want to think. It's stupid, it's like one of my dad's carers came in and told us that her mum had developed cancer, and In my head I just knew I would think something stupid in response. I did.
What most worries me about intrusive thoughts is the line between OCD and hearing voices. Does anyone fancy chatting about that to try reasurring me?!
jesus, ive been having the same thoughts, sometimes it would get so bad that I would feel like theres something running down my legs and think that im wetting my self, this has bought on deprssion & anxiety in me & ive recently had to go into hospital for treatment because of suicidal thougts, I get to scared 2 go out like just incase i cant control my bladder like.
hi everybody
I can relate to alot of u with the worrying thoughts against loved 1ns,
i've got an nearly 4yr old daughter & i've been worrying since the day she was born' that i mite do sumthing sexual then it progressed to violent thoughts. I like to state i have not acted out these thoughts & urges. I no its OCD but when your in this worrying frame of mind it feels like u r this evil person or madman!!! & now i've got violent thoughts at work against my workmates it just wont leave me. The connection is i absolute luv my daughter & love my job. This anxiety is the worst in the world & i would wish it on the evil people out there. I would like 2 hear more of pple with this horrible worry so we can reassure & help each other. Thanks bri
PanickyPolly
11-01-07, 17:50
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">hi everybody
I can relate to alot of u with the worrying thoughts against loved 1ns,
i've got an nearly 4yr old daughter & i've been worrying since the day she was born' that i mite do sumthing sexual then it progressed to violent thoughts. I like to state i have not acted out these thoughts & urges. I no its OCD but when your in this worrying frame of mind it feels like u r this evil person or madman!!! & now i've got violent thoughts at work against my workmates it just wont leave me. The connection is i absolute luv my daughter & love my job. This anxiety is the worst in the world & i would wish it on the evil people out there. I would like 2 hear more of pple with this horrible worry so we can reassure & help each other. Thanks bri
<div align="right">Originally posted by bri - 10 January 2007 : 19:55:25</div id="right">
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I'm so glad you've said this Bri as I have sexual thoughts about my family too. I find it repulsive but once i get the thought in my head I can't get it out.
Hi i'm glad sum1 replied, what sort of thoughts do u get mine this wk have been the usual terrifying, for example if i'm with my daughter thoughts or flashes that i loose control & punch her in the past it was flashes that i was going 2 strangle etc. As u no i hated them i also had the sexual 1ns that was even worse; I think this is the worst anxiety there is. & TO CAP IT ALL WHEN I,M AT WORK THOUGHTS OF LOOSING CONTROL AGAINST MY WORK MATES KILLS ME ASWELL, that was a mistake with all them big letters, I hope u felt a bit reasurred with my message, Was your name panickpolly, Feel free 2 talk 2 me
Thanks bri
PanickyPolly
12-01-07, 18:29
Just had one of those today. Imagined punching my step father's head in with a boot or sometimse I get images in my head of having sex with my family members which is gross so I try to cancel it out by thinking of a really hot guy which doesn't always work. It's horrible. it's the last thing you want to think about but you just can't help it.
Sorry just laughed at the kicking your s.fathers head with a boot!!
When you say the thoughts cum in how often, Do feel when the thoughts images etc that you feel it must b true that it will happen or you felt like your were about 2 do it, this makes it worse when you believe them, you feel guilty & scared, I also had thoughts of a sexual nature against my mum which made me sick like a freak, 1thing that does not work is trying 2 ignore them thoughts coz they just keep cuming back, even tho you try 2 thimk of hot blokes, i mite try that 1 with hot women only kidding.
How long have you had these thoughts, i've been worrying sinse i was 10yrs old i'm now 30.
PanickyPolly
12-01-07, 20:17
Can't remembr when they started...probably when I was in my teens as most of the probs started then. I've had sexual thoughts about my mum too. Not wanted to do it just that for a split second your brian thinks "what's the worst thing I could think about right now? Oh I know...having sex with a member of my family...or killing someone" and then wham you think it. It's like tourettes...it's the same priciple really...like for a split second they think what's the worst thing I could say right now then they say it. Like if they are in a church they might yell 'I'm satan and priests rape little boys' or if they are in the states they might say "twin towers, bomb, bin laden" I've seen all this in documentaries that's how I know. Doesn't make it any easier though. I think about killing animals violently and I love animals and think about tearing my toys apart and I love my toys (I'm 30 but keep cuddly toys) It's horrible then I have to pick them up and cuddle them as I feel devastated.
I think me & u are simuler with the thoughts & age, I smoked when only
i drank & at new year i stopped but 2nite i'm having a few drinks so the thoughts are cuming in loads i nearly gave in by going 2 the shop, but the thought passed & then it passed until next time, what i,m trying 2 say is deal with the thought the anxiety goes up but it has 2 cum dwn, I,ve read alot of books about ocd etc, but i,m still suffering like you but i,m glad 4 once that i,ve sort of found sum1 like me. Another bit of advice 4 me & you getting reassurance is feeding our OCD, is there a way that we can talk in a chatroom so it could b easier.
HI polly did i affend you is that why you havent replied, if so i,m sorry its just ocd is kicking in & cant stop cheching the forum.
I can relate to most of the posts on here. Ive also had intrusive thoghts about sexual acts and voilent acts and has had cbt for this. The fact none of us would ever do these things is why we react so badly to them. At the end of the day everyone has thses thoughts its just we chose to take notice of them. My therapist told me that the way to get rid of the emotional aspect of them is to flood the thoght. When something flashes in your head dont try not to think of it but go with it, imagine your self doing these things and create images. When you have flooded this thought if you get it again yuo know it deosnt mean anything that you had it before and just think,"not this one again". It does work, if you imagine yourself doing these things and then the thought goes away and you dont go out and do this then it makes you reaslise its just a thought. When you get the next thiught you realise it dont mean nothing its just a thought. I know this is easier said then done but this is what i was told to try. If you flood the thought go with it, then eventually you will get bored with it and take no notice and realise its just thoughts not actions.
all the best sorry for rambling chris.
PanickyPolly
18-01-07, 12:03
Bri I sent you a PM x
Hi polly cheers for reply. But i,ve got a problem i,m new to computers
& you said you sent me a pm was that right, But how do i get that up,
sorry DOH bri[:o)]
Over the summer, I stumbled upon a forum for OCD sufferers...and was so relieved to know that I wasn't crazy after all! I had spent all 16 years of my life believing I was crazy for my intrusive thoughts, which I only recently found out are a part of OCD.
when I was younger I used to get horrible thoughts about hating God. I was so sure I'd be sent to hell for what my brain was saying...I didn't mean any of it at all...I just...thought it.
As I got older, I started getting even worse thoughts...like, images almost, in my mind, of people around me getting hurt in horrible ways, or of me hurting myself. I've never felt comfortable washing knives when I do the dishes because of this. I'm afraid to learn how to drive because the thought of me turning the steering wheel "just because" terrifies me. I'm by no means suicidal(my anxiety is caused by my fear of death...no way do I want to die!)
I get the sexual thoughts to...rarely about my family, which I too think is repulsive, but about almost everyone around me. I've always been too afraid to say anything because I figured I'd be considered dangerous and locked up somewhere.
I haven't been diagnosed with OCD as of yet, but my parents are now realizing that "hey! Kelsey's really obsessive!"(they don't know about all my rituals). But because of forums like this, gahh....I'm not afraid to tell someone anymore.
I just wish I knew how to make the thoughts go away when they pop up!
hi,i just want to say thankyou for all you brave people who have posted on this thread,reading about your intrusive thoughts has given me a great understanding about my own intrusive thoughts.I wasnt sure if my thoughts were intrusive,but now i think that they are.I was raped,and repressed the experience for the last nine years,until last april time,when the memories came up in counselling for another isssue.Since then,i have had agoraphobia,obsessive rituals and intrusive thoughts relating to men,which have really disturbed me.I also identify with what you said sunflower about the gay thing,but for me,it was thinking i am bisexual,when i actually am really gay.Although i dont really get that thought much anymore.
I feel like crying after reading some of your posts over the thoughts of harming loved ones. I was watching the news the other day and snapped and had the worst thoughts about my three beautiful sons who have been my life. I too made a deal that I would kill myself rather than harm them but keep worrying I will 'lose my mind' and do it without knowing. I have been afraid to sleep in case I did it in my sleep. I can't eat and feel so terrible. I had this once before years ago and went on paxil which I am still on at a low dose the doc upped the dose and I see a counsellor. It is so hard to explain to my family. My mom says the right things but I feel like she is wondering about my capacity to do it. The weird thing is both my doctor and my counsellor say they know I won't but what if they are wrong. I feel so sick when my sons hug me as I don't deserve their love and adoration for what I think. It is so awful being a prisoner of your mind. J
Hi sallad, you must b going thru hell if your feeling like that because i no exactly how you feel, If i'm right when you get these thoughts urges images etc, if feels like the end of the world ,you think if i'm having these thoughts it must b true, & do you think when your anxiety gets really high that its a sort of [ i was about to do it then or next time i,m like this it will happen} or you dont trust your anxiety incase you do it without relising. Do you also worry about the future i think thats the main reason behind all of my worry,s, my worry is also scared of acting out my violent thoughts towards my child. I hope that was some sort of help 4 you. BRI
Thanks for your support. It is nice to know I am not alone. What meds are you, any of you, on? I am on Paxil and just increased my dose to thirty mg. I am worried I will get fat as that happened the first time I went on it. J[8)][8)]
scoobygirl2005
14-02-07, 12:19
Wow didn't realise so many other people have thoughts with their ocd like me. I have a lot of thoughts like that and they never used to be as bad but they have got worse and I find it hard to cope with them. Do any of you use a technique to distract yourself from them or something?
Scooby2005
x x
_____________________
www.z9.invisionfree.com/Panic_away
Elemental Child
10-04-07, 15:06
Hello
I'm quite amazed to find this sight...I finally conceded that I have depression....once again...so was looking for that....but also reading through I think my OCD that I thought was manageable and not really a problem.....has been the instigator behind my many intrusive thoughts. It saddens me to think there are others out there going through this but also glad that I finally have found people that can understand what I go through:hugs:
I think I have termed my OCDs as an emotional & self esteem problem and tended to try to help myself that way....I have read countless Self-help books but I must say one that really seemed to help with overpowering emotions was "Emotional Clearing" by John Ruskan....he advocates & guides you through sitting with your feelings which helps as I think its when you fight with your feelings/emotions/thoughts they become a problem.
I wonder if others have suffered trauma in their lives which may have caused OCD....I lost my boyfriend through an accident when I was 24, I suffered panic attacks and repeated thoughts of myself being in the accident in explicit detail, reliving that dreadful moment in my head...punishing & torturing myself for years.....the psychologist told me to put an elastic band around my wrist and ping it everytime I had the thought....I think it worked....although I think I wanted to punish myself in some self-mutilating way.....I don't know why we do these things....but I think in some way I wanted to suffer with him.
My OCDs these days are of a different nature....usually involving men and hygiene....its difficult for anyone to understand....I have told a friend about this but she doesn't understand. These build into uncontrollable "fits of rage" in my head and my mind exaggerates the contamination. Do the thoughts of harming others build to such a feverish pitch for people? Also intrusive thoughts about my own image & of getting old constantly. I have flashes of harming others or myself - very brief thankfully.....like crossing the road and suddenly its there the thought of running across and bam...all done.....pain over.
I have come to the conclusion that I have a small macabre part of my personality perhaps we all do (Heart of Darkness n all that!) so I have indulged in it a bit.....Tim Burton.....& now reading "Ten Sorry Tales" Mick Jackson. I think its about accepting that we are all everything if that makes sense....we are all a little bit lovely, mad, gentle, jealous, angry, kind, horrid.....then if you can accept this....the fighting stops.
I know I used to feel my emotions were like the huge ocean and I was just a tiny boat floating on them. John Ruskin book definitely helped.
My obsession these days is about mobile phones....I try not to get paranoid about them...but I have been researching for almost two years now and found a wealth of information.
There were some objective tests done 2006 which showed that mobiles excite the Cortex of the brain (Reuters - Dr Rossini, Italy)
I think it is the Electrosensitivity website that reports mobiles and EMF may be responsible for things like OCDs (If I've quoted wrong website I will re-post) so now I'm concentrating my investigation into whether this could be the cause or at least the continuing aggrevating factor in OCD sufferers.
What about people on this site? do you use a mobile? cordless phones? Wi Fi? Microwave? Live/work near 3G Masts?
I know that I am electrosensitive (not even great for me to use this computer!) Looking back at when I couldn't drag myself up in the morning to go to school and then later years to work and realising I used an electric blanket. Why I couldn't keep awake on a train (power lines)....and then eventually to getting complete breakdown in my neural-muscular system. It all makes sense.
I can't be near a mobile physical head pains, but also irritability - this can be mild to explosive in a matter of seconds, depression - I don't have a problem with mobiles themselves - people talking on them - even the tunes or the noise but my head seems to get overloaded.
to answer a question.....
I don't think you will get schizophrenia from OCD....of course I've thought that one out (ha!)....I have been in touch with their website - people say it is hereditary.
Finally thank you to you all for your bravery in telling your stories - it touched me so much with your honesty and kindness to each other and I am really hopeful that we will find a solution. I hope to post again but due to my condition it may be a day or two (if I can resist checking back to see if anyone has posted!) Ha ha! please let me know about your contact with mobiles etc.
:D I think the best way for me to handle my OCD is with humour - I do laugh at myself for the things I do.....but not very often...must work at that...ha!
Take Care
Hi all i,m going to share with you again about harming loved ones or any1.
I hate this worry the most it makes me feel sick to think i,ll do it at any time, it affects my daughter @ my work mates the worst, Its like when i no i,m starting to get the worry back violent thoughts come in @ dread fear guilt etc. Then i get thoughts you'll do it tomorrow or if your thinking of it means you want to do it @ or you havent got ocd you are a madman or you want to do it, I think its because i dont beleive that i,ve got ocd, all i want is a normal life but my useless brain wont let me. @ every time i go away with my family its horrible because i worry like mad of me loosing control, i cant win. Dont get me wrong sumtimes i do feel ok but thats rare, Meds that i,m on are seroxat 150g they dont work i,ve read books but i only get reassurance of them, I,ve never met any1 face 2 face with the same worrys only on the sites, dont no if face 2 face would b better. any1 with suggests.
thanks ken {bri}:wacko:
Charlottie
12-04-07, 00:29
I don't know if I've got OCD but I get the intrusive thoughts of harming loved ones and lately I've had a reoccuring though everytime I see some coins that I'm going to pick them up and swallow them and then choke. :|
And often at night I start thinking what if I didnt exist, what if the world didnt exist what if I die :| and find it really hard to snap out of those thoughts. Ugh.
Hi charlotte would you mind if i ask you what sort of intrusive thoughts do you get against your loved 1ns, I get thoughts aswell of dying ie getting old time flying bye etc this dosent really affect me. bri.:shrug:
Charlottie
12-04-07, 12:05
Sometimes I just like imagine me saying something that I know would really hurt them, and I know I wouldn't say it but I get worried that it will just "pop out" of my mouth.
hey Bri & Panicky Polly, your thoughts are so so similar to mine! especialy the peadophile type thoughts (that you might be one or do something to a kid even though you wouldnt in your life) and the incestuous type thoughts! ive had that since i was like....1. it went away but now its come back and is slightly less debilitating than before but harder in other ways as im in serious relationship now and the idea of having kids with him has popped in my head once or twice. I jsut worry that I'll never be able to have kids or enjoy spendin time with/babysitting my baby nephew.
its hard!how do i dealw ith this?
hi divalou i can give you loads of info about your worry i had the exact worry of being a peodophile horrible word isnt it. That worry started & i can remember the exact time it happened, at the time i didnt no what ocd was then , it all started when i moved back into my mums waiting to move to my new house with my at the time pregnant girlfreind. at that time that worry didnt cross my mind. Then boom mum was walking around wairing her dressing gown which is normal, THOUGHT CAME IN OF HER NAKED!! this disgusted me totally then came the dreaded worry thinking that i was some weird son that i fancied my mum this was horrible, every time near mum horrible anxiety thinking i was going to pounce. Worry kept going at work thought came in what if i see my baby naked & get turned on, oh no world feels like going to end, so new worry crept in I,M A PEODAPHILE. i can understand why people end their lives. so this worry lasted worst when she was a baby or if i saw other kids panick, i like to point out i must of had thousand of thoughts & images which were all horrible I NEVER ACTED APON THEM. Peodaphiles dont worry they enjoy it. My new worry is even as bad scared incase your going to punch strangle stab etc so tou can see how i live always scared incase i act on them, bri:shrug:
not sure if anyone is still watching this post as it started a while ago but i would like to add my bit.
I suffer with intrusive thoughts, i.e. fear that i might go mad and harm a loved one so know exactly where u are coming from.
However, in one of the replies you mentioned that you know the thoughts cause your anxiety - THEY DONT - your anxiety causes the thoughts, the thoughts are the anxiety.
If you concentrate more on lowering your anxiety levels rather than getting rid of the thoughts the thoughts will naturally die down on their own. Also, I personally do not think that irrational thoughts are OCD they are normally classified under the General Anxiety label.
Try not to label yourself with a problem, i.e. these thoughts are OCD thoughts they are just irrational thoughts and shifting the anxiety does get rid of the thoughts.
Also every time you think oh my god i have the thoughts again your anxiety goes up and yep, the thoughts get stronger as it is the anxiety that causes them.
I have proved to myself that what I have said is 100% true and stopped thinking about the thoughts as the problem and concentrated on dealing with my general well being and anxiety levels.
I am nearly free of the dam thoughts now but the second my anxiety goes up they do sometime pop back proving that the root cause of my issues is my anxiety and not the side effect of it (the thoughts).
Hope this helps in some way.
not sure if anyone is still watching this post as it started a while ago but i would like to add my bit.
I suffer with intrusive thoughts, i.e. fear that i might go mad and harm a loved one so know exactly where u are coming from.
However, in one of the replies you mentioned that you know the thoughts cause your anxiety - THEY DONT - your anxiety causes the thoughts, the thoughts are the anxiety.
If you concentrate more on lowering your anxiety levels rather than getting rid of the thoughts the thoughts will naturally die down on their own. Also, I personally do not think that irrational thoughts are OCD they are normally classified under the General Anxiety label.
Try not to label yourself with a problem, i.e. these thoughts are OCD thoughts they are just irrational thoughts and shifting the anxiety does get rid of the thoughts.
Also every time you think oh my god i have the thoughts again your anxiety goes up and yep, the thoughts get stronger as it is the anxiety that causes them.
I have proved to myself that what I have said is 100% true and stopped thinking about the thoughts as the problem and concentrated on dealing with my general well being and anxiety levels.
I am nearly free of the dam thoughts now but the second my anxiety goes up they do sometime pop back proving that the root cause of my issues is my anxiety and not the side effect of it (the thoughts).
Hope this helps in some way.
Hi there, yeah it’s been a long time since I posted this topic – it’s popular though I imagine because lots of us have experienced such thoughts.
I have overcome my anxiety with the help of CBT and simply allowing time to pass, I’d describe myself as recovered (which is nice).
I agree in essence with what you are saying, though I would reiterate that certainly for me first came the thoughts, then the reaction and subsequent behaviours and the physical symptoms – so whilst it’s not the thought itself it IS the reaction to it that heightens the anxiety. Once you accept that you can’t control your thoughts, you can’t control what pops into your head but you can control your reaction to them you’re on your way to overcoming. That’s how I did it anyway.
Hi Nel,
I am with you on this one, I too also have horrible thoughts about harming people/loved ones. For the past year I have been able to cope with them and had the thoughts under control, not very much entering my mind, but for the past 4 weeks or so they have come back with a vengance! I see a CBT Therapist who says I have come a long way and seem so much better but since my last visit in January things have all gone downhill.
My bf is not around at the moment to help me either so im feeling rather alone with nobody to talk to as my parents dont really understand. I just put on a brave face in front of them and tell them everything is ok. My bf is very supportive but he's in prison until September this year when he will be released and am finding it very hard to cope at the moment without him.
Its good to know that there are loads of people out there like us and everybody here at PNM are here to help.
Take care Nel, hope to speak again soon :hugs:
Hey everyone,
I've had intrusive sexual thoughts and it's horrible but I also get thoughts of saying horrible things about people I love or people I care about, my fear is that I'm such a horrible person for thinking this in the first place and that the people I care about find out. It's confusing and it makes me sick, I end up feeling guilty, sad, angry and useless.
hey, i realized these forums are full of people worrying about similar problems but very little posts from people who have overcome these, ..... i hope that when any of you get better (and i truly believe you can) you will come back on this forum to let people know about your experiences and give others some faith that they can beat this too.
i went through a time when i was having intrusive thoughts about having sex with my family members. it all started off from a dream and kept bothering me from then on. the thing that fixed it for me was to make the thoughts even more irrational than they were. so when there was the thought of me having sex with family member i would think someting like 'yeah alright, and then i'll have sex with the other one too, and that other family member too, and then i'll do this to them, ok lets go woohoo'
this sounds a bit absurd but it really worked and whenever these thoughts come up now (and this is very rare) i don't care at all, and it is just another thought.
later on, and this was truly the worst experience of my life, i started having fears about stabbing people around me or even myself, or jumping off high places or just crashing my car into things on purpose...i have to say i seriously thought i was going crazy (which then stuck in my head as well)...i had my first panic attacks around that time and seriously was a wreck. but i suddenly noticed that this was similar to what i experienced before and tried the same technique and it worked.
i think the best thing you guys have already found out is that this is a common thing to happen to people, i think the worst part about it is feeling that you're on your own.
i dont really agree with medication for these things...i think that if i was born with low serotonin...so if this was always absent in myself, i wouldnt notice it so it shouldnt matter. its like being born with 18/20 vision...it has always been you so it wouldnt bother you. its all relative to what you started with. when you 'feel' sad, you obviously know you can feel feelings such as 'not sad' and 'happy', otherwise you wouldnt notice you're sad right? so if those feelings of 'not sad' existed in you before, i definately think you can get back to them.
i also think you can't expect your mind to be at 'optimum' if your body is not. if you give your physical health 7 out of 10, then likely your mind is reflective of that and vise versa. as you improve one, the other improves with it.
i also found this site very helpful http://www.panic-and-anxiety-attacks.com/intrusive-thoughts.html
hope this helped!
Thumbelina
07-06-09, 08:03
hey, i realized these forums are full of people worrying about similar problems but very little posts from people who have overcome these, ..... i hope that when any of you get better (and i truly believe you can) you will come back on this forum to let people know about your experiences and give others some faith that they can beat this too.
i went through a time when i was having intrusive thoughts about having sex with my family members. it all started off from a dream and kept bothering me from then on. the thing that fixed it for me was to make the thoughts even more irrational than they were. so when there was the thought of me having sex with family member i would think someting like 'yeah alright, and then i'll have sex with the other one too, and that other family member too, and then i'll do this to them, ok lets go woohoo'
this sounds a bit absurd but it really worked and whenever these thoughts come up now (and this is very rare) i don't care at all, and it is just another thought.
later on, and this was truly the worst experience of my life, i started having fears about stabbing people around me or even myself, or jumping off high places or just crashing my car into things on purpose...i have to say i seriously thought i was going crazy (which then stuck in my head as well)...i had my first panic attacks around that time and seriously was a wreck. but i suddenly noticed that this was similar to what i experienced before and tried the same technique and it worked.
i think the best thing you guys have already found out is that this is a common thing to happen to people, i think the worst part about it is feeling that you're on your own.
i dont really agree with medication for these things...i think that if i was born with low serotonin...so if this was always absent in myself, i wouldnt notice it so it shouldnt matter. its like being born with 18/20 vision...it has always been you so it wouldnt bother you. its all relative to what you started with. when you 'feel' sad, you obviously know you can feel feelings such as 'not sad' and 'happy', otherwise you wouldnt notice you're sad right? so if those feelings of 'not sad' existed in you before, i definately think you can get back to them.
i also think you can't expect your mind to be at 'optimum' if your body is not. if you give your physical health 7 out of 10, then likely your mind is reflective of that and vise versa. as you improve one, the other improves with it.
i also found this site very helpful http://www.panic-and-anxiety-attacks.com/intrusive-thoughts.html
hope this helped!
The thing is that people that recover or get out of relapse - spend more time taking their mind of this issue and they forget that they have been members of THESE forums. This is a fact - I do it myself all the time. As soon as you have relapse you are back in. Now I discovered - the secret in this is to continue reasonable amount of communication with the people on the forums even when you are felling competely great. By doing this you feel you are helping others and you are not letting your fears to breed somewhere deep and hit you badly at the least expected moment. You are not scared always, and up-to-date with the latest info. :o)
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