New Dad suffering with post natal anxiety

[Newdad2014]

Hi all, first post, please be gentle :hugs:

My Wife gave birth to our gorgeous son two weeks ago and for the first few days everything seemed normal (well as normal as it could be).

Then, I (the Dad) starting becoming incredibly anxious about being a Dad. In the past 10 days I have suffered from:-

Anxiety around our baby and taking him anywhere
Anxiety going out by myself (to supermarket for instance)
Not wanting visitors
Mixed emotions
Low moods
Lack of appetite
Sick feeling in stomach
Yearning for my old life
Crying uncontrollably
Lack of sleep

It all came to a head yesterday when I had to go and see my GP as I couldn't contemplate retuning to work with these feelings. He suggested counselling over medication which suited me as I have had bad instances in the past with medication (he was suggesting diazepam, that ruined me before). I have had one bout of long term anxiety in the past involving working but eventually came through that episode. Unfortunately, the well being service through the NHS has a 2/3 week waiting time although I should be contacted sooner than that as I have now asked my GP to refer me. I have contacted numerous organisations today all who have pointed me in various directions but still don't feel any better (although I feel calmer just now).

I am wondering if this major change in my life has tapped into that previous episode of anxiety and started it up again. I am normally level headed, love my job, easy going kind of person but feel like a nervous wreck. Taking my mind off the situation does help and my Wife is out with the baby at the moment but I know it will flair up again. I do love my son, he is perfect and I know eventually we will have a great relationship but it seems so hard at the moment. My Wife is doing brilliantly with baby but I just feel so guilty that she now has me to contend with also.

Do any Dads on here have experience of this post natal anxiety in men? I know it is more common than many people think just by googling. I keep being told things will improve with baby and I'm sure it will when he sleeps longer at night but that time still seems so far away. I just want to be a good Dad but am wondering if I will ever be able to cope...

Any thoughts much appreciated.

[overhead_drums]

Hi Newdad,

Your post is exactly how I felt a few weeks ago. I too have just become a father, my little girl is just over 5 weeks old. The day after she was born I pretty much broke down and thought I couldn't cope, I regretted having a baby and thought that my life has been ruined. (putting it bluntly). I couldn't cope with the lack of sleep, no appetite, extremely low mood and general "what have i done?" feeling..

After my mini "breakdown" I went to see my GP, I have suffered from anxiety in the past so I got put on my old medication which really helped in the past (fluoxetine). I've been taking 40mg for about 4 weeks now and feel so much better and more like my normal self. I am also an easy going chilled out person who loves his job. I also started paying for CBT which has helped too, she said that its easy to throw around PND but its more the change causing the horrible anxiety. My big panic was always thinking that my little girl was going to cry all night and not let us sleep, my mind likes to wander to doomsday scenarios.

Anyway, now I realise these are ALL normal feelings of becoming a dad, mine and your life has changed massively, BUT, for the better! Its hard to cope with the change but it will get easier with time.

Sorry for the massive post, just reading your thoughts has got my mind racing and in the nicest way its good to hear people going through similar things. PM If you want to chat, theres still loads of stuff I need to get my head round!! :D

Im sure you'll be a great dad!

x
EDIT: In fact your story is so like mine its making me a bit paranoid....;)

[Col]

Try being a female.

No seriously it must be difficult for men at times too. Being a dad is just as HUGE as becoming a mum except the attention and focus is always on mum & baby. It's great to see men talk about this:yesyes:

I definatly agree this may be evoking anxiety emotions you've experienced before. Try the meds & counciling plus how's the sleep going?

[Newdad2014]

Thanks for the reply :yesyes:

I have taken comfort in your response and from spending pretty much all afternoon contacting various organisations and looking at online forums/websites trying to get to the bottom of what I am going through. Clearly we are not alone, that makes me feel a bit better. I still cringe in embarrassment that my family, OH family and my work colleagues (only my boss knows the full story) have had to get involved in this but I had to speak out, the build up inside was becoming unbearable. I also feel so much guilt for what my Wife is having to go through.

The good news is that my appetite seems to be returning. I have eaten a proper evening meal for the first time in days just now. I am a big guy, not eating isn't an option really, it just makes me feel so weak.

I feel I have a way to go yet but am feeling encouraged by this afternoon.

I will of course PM you at some point to see how you are doing.

All the best

---------- Post added at 18:17 ---------- Previous post was at 18:13 ----------


Try being a female.

No seriously it must be difficult for men at times too. Being a dad is just as HUGE as becoming a mum except the attention and focus is always on mum & baby. It's great to see men talk about this:yesyes:

I definatly agree this may be evoking anxiety emotions you've experienced before. Try the meds & counciling plus how's the sleep going?

Sleep is up and down. I have never been able to function that well on short sleep and often obsess about getting enough sleep each night (obviously before the baby arrived). I will see how the NHS wellbeing counselling works and look at the option of meds at my next GP appointment.

[overhead_drums]

Good that your feeling better, its such a massive change!

[Annie0904]

Congratulations on he birth of your son :)
Any responsibility can set anxiety racing, my anxiety went sky high when I got a new kitten so I can certainly understand how suddenly becoming a Dad can make you anxious! Luckily I didn't suffer from anxiety when my children were born.
I am sure that once you get into a routine and realise that it isn't quite as hard as you image it to be then your anxiety will settle down and you will be able to relax and enjoy your new role :)

[Newdad2014]

Back again. Opted to go down the meds route and was prescribed Citalopram but the side effects are unbearable, for the two days I have taken it I haven't got out of bed. Counselling has to be the way forward. I have spoken to NHS 111 (an actual Doctor) and the drug should be out of my system in 24/48 hours.

Basically on Citalopram I haven't once held or cared for my Son which makes me horribly sad.:weep: