Fixating on scary thoughts

[mlondon]

Hi

I am struggling at the moment with fixating on the thought that I might panic, lose control and harm myself or commit suicide. I have suffered from anxiety and pure O for years and it comes and goes so on the one hand I know it is just another bout of it and on the other hand it seems very real and terrifying.

I have had a couple of therapy sessions which are helping.

It would be good to get some reassurance from NMP members and also hear some positive stories.

Thanks

Michelle

[shootingstars]

I have feelings like this too. I had a traumatic event and relapse but I did recover before. Knowing you're, in reality, stable is important.

[Oosh]

In the past I've had some gems.

I remember in my teens as practically a shut in in my bedroom thinking "what if they think IM the Bulger murderer". It scared me half to death. I wasn't the Bulger murderer and knew I wasn't.

Another was being at Flamborough head in Yorkshire at the cliffs and thinking "what if I pushed the person I was with off ?"

That still terrifies me to this day. If I was put there I'd want to drop to the floor and crawl away because of that thought. But I have no desire to push anyone off a cliff haha.

These thoughts are all just tools for the real root of the anxiety which is fearing loss of control.

I think some people are born prone to anxiety.
I think those people are prone then to fear loss of control.
I don't know if we're ever gonna turn that one off.

But that doesn't mean there's nothing you can do.

For me, things scare me until I scrutinise it and find those flaws in it that succeed in sapping it of all it's power. You have to keep chirping away at it from different angles/perspectives to truly weaken it.
I think having the ability to look from different perspectives is a very powerful tool. You can change your state in a second by looking at something from a new perspective.

I mean I'm not gonna lose control of my arms and push someone.
And if there WAS a freek gust of wind that blew someone I cared about off the cliff I'd probably be over there after them trying to save their life. That makes a mockery of that fear that I'd do that to anyone.
I wouldn't be harming them I'd probably be looking after them and saving them.
The more I pick away at it like that the more I feel it's power genuinely drop.

Scrutinise these ridiculous fears with thoughts, images, movies, perspectives that make its likelyhood genuinely feel ridiculous.

I think you have to. Because I thnk if you're prone to anxiety this fear of loss of control will probably always be there. It just depends on how much strength your gonna allow it to have.

[maddierose98]

I experience the exact same things. The best thing I've found is to do something relaxing, you enjoy, or what works best for me is to do something that requires more physical movement. (No don't think dirty), I mean something like reading or music won't help me because I will easily become distracted by my thoughts, things like playing games (whether it's online or a board game) helps me relax and let go of the thoughts.

[ankietyjoe]

Start reading up on Vipassanna meditation.

'Stuck' and obsessive thoughts are very common.

What's important to realise is that thoughts aren't real. They are meaningless and not something to overly concern yourself with. They come and go and are ultimately in your control.

Meditation teaches you to simply observe the thoughts without reacting to them and then letting them go.

It really does work.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Michelle,

Intrusive thoughts are like that, whether they are about harming others or yourself. You have recognised they are just thoughts and you won't act on them which is a necessary first step.

The next step is to break the thoughts and take more control of your thoughts. I have OCD (Magical Thinking e.g. If I don't do X a relative will die, and I perform various rituals) and I have found that Mindfulness meditation really helps. It takes time to learn but at first it is a relaxation technique that helps with any anxiety disorder so it's good for the rest of your issues. Over time, possibly weeks-months-and beyond, you can feel different, more controlled and in my case when I get the violent intrusive thoughts that used to make me anxious, I now just let them drift in & out, notice them, not care or even be amused at how ridiculous they are.

[mlondon]

Thanks everyone for you reply. I have been practising mindfulness for years and learning that looking at things from different angles really helps. Sometimes it is great to be reminded of that. I have thought about doing Vipassanna but have always been scared that thoughts would overwhelm me. I am a successful public health practitioner and have been living in developing countries for the past 3 years which is incredibly rewarding but there is little/no psychological support. In the past year i fell in love and am moving to Australia in 2 weeks to be with my partner and to start a 3 year doctorate degree. My life is pretty amazing, though in the past I have had trauma and I can't see to trust that this is life and it can really be this good which is why i get anxious i think. In the past my anxiety has reverted to such scary thoughts but it has still felt as strong and dangerous. I guess the type of thoughts are what scares me. I am interested in looking at it from different angles to weaken the strength of the value i place on the thoughts. Your comments have been really helpful and reassuring. I am have had lots of CBT/Mindfulness therapy and am on a low dose of escitalopram. I am beginning to think that the only way I can truly deal with my anxiety is to look at the root cause and try to work through previous trauma. Has anyone done this before?