AnxietySufferer
09-04-14, 15:31
I have had a pretty bad week this week.
I had some pretty bad news about a family member, but before that I just hadnt been feeling right.
I have continually been getting stomach pains, before they used to be more mild, feeling more like a stomach sickness. but for the last few days, i have been getting a more sharp pain on my left side at night and i wasnt sure if it was the way im lying or something?
Anyway, I have also been feeling really tired and drained of energy and have been struggling to get on with anything.
noticed a couple of days ago that had almost like a red spot/bulge on my finger, i tried not to panic about it but today i noticed that the actual bulge has gone down and now it looks like a bleed under the skin, if i run my finger along it it feels normal (where as before it was sticking out), abd theres like a dark patch in the middle, i havent caught my finger in anything and im worried about what it could be. have also noticed on the same finger have like a skin coloured lumpy thing, that looks exactly like when you get a blister from using your pen too much apart from its on the wrong hand and wrong finger. Along with my tiredness, i know its silly but my worry today is Leukemia or somthing along those lines.
am also still haveing the same worries about my tounge since it still looks white with red spots on it and my mouth feels dry.
just hate feeling like this so much, i so badly just want to feel happy and enjoy life but i feel like i just dont know how, yesterday i just wanted to lie in my bed and cry. have had a lot of things on my mind at the moment but I was feeling ill even before that and i just feel like im never going to get better. I still get panics that there is somthing seriously wrong with me and i felt like i needed to get it out since don't really have anyone I can talk to about it, my mums losing patients and I gave up on my counsellor after she was just making my health anxiety worse.' I just hate living like this so much, its not like i dont want to live, but i just feel sad and want tocry and so badly want to feel happy :( it feels like I have forgotten how. It feels like such a weird situation to be in, i have a fear of death/ cancer or especially the thought of dying young or painfully or anything happening to my family and it is stopping me from enjoying my life. . I really really thought i was doing a little better, but it feels as though i am going backwards to when my anxiety was at its worse... plus it doesnt help matters when you contantly think 'you can have anxiety and still die young' or it might not even be anxiety in the first place... i just hate thinking the way [I] do, i had been trying really hard to change, but just going out for a meal or somthing would set my anxiety off and [I] would feel that i was going to be sick/ had a stomach bug so i wouldnt be able to enjoy things like [I] so badly want to. [I] just want to go back to a time when i was happy, a couple of years back when i had no worries, little stress and [I] could just enjoy the simple things in life. People say that anxiety allowed them to appreciate thingts in life more, it seems to have done the opposite to me :( I hate the fact that no one realises [I] feel like this on the outside. [I] have been trying so hard to get on with my life and try not to let it get in the way but everything just seems so hard at the moment.
I had some pretty bad news about a family member, but before that I just hadnt been feeling right.
I have continually been getting stomach pains, before they used to be more mild, feeling more like a stomach sickness. but for the last few days, i have been getting a more sharp pain on my left side at night and i wasnt sure if it was the way im lying or something?
Anyway, I have also been feeling really tired and drained of energy and have been struggling to get on with anything.
noticed a couple of days ago that had almost like a red spot/bulge on my finger, i tried not to panic about it but today i noticed that the actual bulge has gone down and now it looks like a bleed under the skin, if i run my finger along it it feels normal (where as before it was sticking out), abd theres like a dark patch in the middle, i havent caught my finger in anything and im worried about what it could be. have also noticed on the same finger have like a skin coloured lumpy thing, that looks exactly like when you get a blister from using your pen too much apart from its on the wrong hand and wrong finger. Along with my tiredness, i know its silly but my worry today is Leukemia or somthing along those lines.
am also still haveing the same worries about my tounge since it still looks white with red spots on it and my mouth feels dry.
just hate feeling like this so much, i so badly just want to feel happy and enjoy life but i feel like i just dont know how, yesterday i just wanted to lie in my bed and cry. have had a lot of things on my mind at the moment but I was feeling ill even before that and i just feel like im never going to get better. I still get panics that there is somthing seriously wrong with me and i felt like i needed to get it out since don't really have anyone I can talk to about it, my mums losing patients and I gave up on my counsellor after she was just making my health anxiety worse.' I just hate living like this so much, its not like i dont want to live, but i just feel sad and want tocry and so badly want to feel happy :( it feels like I have forgotten how. It feels like such a weird situation to be in, i have a fear of death/ cancer or especially the thought of dying young or painfully or anything happening to my family and it is stopping me from enjoying my life. . I really really thought i was doing a little better, but it feels as though i am going backwards to when my anxiety was at its worse... plus it doesnt help matters when you contantly think 'you can have anxiety and still die young' or it might not even be anxiety in the first place... i just hate thinking the way [I] do, i had been trying really hard to change, but just going out for a meal or somthing would set my anxiety off and [I] would feel that i was going to be sick/ had a stomach bug so i wouldnt be able to enjoy things like [I] so badly want to. [I] just want to go back to a time when i was happy, a couple of years back when i had no worries, little stress and [I] could just enjoy the simple things in life. People say that anxiety allowed them to appreciate thingts in life more, it seems to have done the opposite to me :( I hate the fact that no one realises [I] feel like this on the outside. [I] have been trying so hard to get on with my life and try not to let it get in the way but everything just seems so hard at the moment.