Struggling to Cope on my own

[Soph1234]

Hi peeps,
Im new to nomorepanic but sounds like a great place for support and advice. I have suffered with Depression/anxiety/panic attacks since a young age and have learnt alot about this through reading/internet and counseling ect but everytime i hit a low is so hard to remember what ive learnt and put it into play. I have a lovely family and supportive partner that has on the whole carried me through my anxiety/depression. He has always gone out to fetch things from the shops if im feeling low, taken the children to school, let me sleep in ect ect, while this has helped alot ive also depended on him too much.

so now my problem is that he has started a full time job which is brilliant for our financial situation but am finding it hard to cope on my own, when i say on my own i have 5 children and a dog :) but still feels like im on my own. I get up in the morning and feel anxious immediately as i know i have to tackle this day and no one to help me through it. I find myself just sitting drinking coffee and awaiting my partner to come home all the time feeling very anxious, the thought of going out to the shops terrifies me, also taking and picking the children up from school, ive always had a bit of a phobia of the school gates, just feels too much and like other mums have got it all together and look like they are all coping very well.

Making a meal seems like a massive obstacle when feeling anxious and if the children argue or are mis behaving i just dont feel able to cope, my days are just a blur, im literally existing at the mo, not living. I want to be able to cope well on my own and be independent, maybe take driving lessons, be able to go shopping, have fun with the kids instead of everything feeling like such a struggle, the strange thing is as soon as my partner walks through the door im instantly feeling better, just seems so pathetic to not be able to cope on my own. Does anybody else feel this way or have any suggestions ? :weep: xxx

[cloudbusting]

Hi Soph

Welcome to NMP, it's a great support network, I hope it helps you.

Well, I'd say no wonder that you feel tense and anxious looking after five nippers by yourself.

I only have one daughter but the two things that used to get me all wound up were the school runs and thinking what to cook for tea ! You haven't put the ages of your children, are they old enough to help even if it's just to lay the table ?
What about support other than your partner ? Have you got family and friends closeby ?

Practical things that might ease the load are weekly meal plans, get the kids to help you to write them. Then you can just look at the day and what needs to be cooked and shopped for. Can you order your shopping online ? It's better to try and go out to get your shopping if you can manage it but make life easy for yourself and cut some corners to save dragging the kids out.

Drinking coffee won't help with the anxious feelings either, could you force yourself to switch to decaf ? ;)

I bet you those parents at the gates aren't nearly as 'together' as you think. Are there one or two that you could maybe start up a conversation with and ask them round for a cuppa ? Does the school have a coffee morning for parents ?

It's flippin hard work being a parent, go easy on yourself. The other thing is, do you ever get any time to yourself ? Could you arrange an hour or two out to see a friend in the evening every now and then ?

Hope some of my waffle has helped a bit.

Lisa x

[Cheesemonster13]

I've noticed in our town that a lot of churches and chapels have a drop-in policy; so that parents to bring their babies and toddlers, to meet and have a coffee. It might be worth checking if there is something like that near where you live.

If you don't feel comfortable about religious institutions, try your local library. They usually organise weekly events like "Baby Bounce and Rhyme" and storytelling. While you are there, you could find out from the staff about anything else going on in your area.

These kind of clubs would get you out and meeting other people, and would be fun for your children. It would help break up the long day too. :)

[ChilliChocolate]

Welcome Soph! I'm a newbie to NMP too.

Do you have any interests or hobbies?

Your comment on the other Mum's looking like their keeping it together, I can assure that that is most probably not the case. You would be surprised the stories and fears we all (as people) have. For example since my breakdown, the amount of women who have come to me offering support has been phenomenal. All of them are who I thought are the most 'together' women I know. It has been comforting to find that they have had similar feelings, breakdown's, PA's and have been or are on AD's! It has been lovely because in one breathe, they offer help but at the same time I can see that it is good for them to 'tell' their story and try to help someone else.

The problem with society is that no-one like to talk about or admit their times of pain or weakness. We all walk around with smiles on our faces, masking the stress and pain in our lives.

CC x

[TelBoy]

Hi There....

Although I have panic attacks and other dreadful symptoms, I also know what you are going through as well... it is called Monophobia look it up and it will probably help you understand a bit more about the way you feel, I have had this as well, so I know FULL well what you are going through.
You say that you are on edge all day and waiting for your other half to come home again... I KNOW that feeling:)) mine was a hostage once and that was totally terrible for both sides.... I was in total panic being depressed for months...so when they eventually came home, I had kind of trained myself to feel like that everyday.. with understanding why I was still constantly on edge...with panic and worry.....I was told by one doctor years ago who said, people who have panic and anxiety, it usually takes as long to go away as it did to come.... so that was depressing to hear, but it must be true as I still have panic and the feelings you have and nothing yet has cured me....chin up....and try not to worry about how you are now, easier said than done I know:scared15::bighug1: