Feeling so lost... Anyone...?

[Mora Mora]

Hi all,

I'm sorry about the long post that's about to come but please I'd be greatful for any help.
I know I posted a few days ago as well but I'm going through such a bad patch at the moment I don't know what to do.
So I moved away from home and started my new life which is great, I'm working as a health care assistant in a mental health ward, having had such a personal experience with mental health I wanted to help. I'm really enjoying it and I was hoping that I have finally found the thing I want to do... Mental health nursing, but unfortunately it's really not shouting at me as something I want to do for most of my life.
I've tried uni twice , both for different subjects and both times I had to stop. My twin sister is about to graduate with a forensic science degree and hopefully joining the police... And I just feel like such a failure.
I don't know what I want to do in life, there is nothing that's really screaming at me that I want to do, I also feel like such a burden to my mum, always phoning up to talk through my anxiety and things.
Right now all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry and sleep, I'm so tired and exhausted from everything and I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I've got no one to talk to about all this.

Please if anyone has any words of wisdom it would be greatly appreciated.
X

[MyNameIsTerry]

There is a lot of pressure on us to find that 'career' when the old addage of 'job for life' went out of the window decades ago.

Thesedays people may spend 20 years in a career and then change to something completely different. Often when you speak to these people or see them on TV, they weren't very happy before but now are following their dreams.

So, perhaps you need to forget about conforming to social ideals and look at yourself to see what you like and where your strengths lie. List them. See what they look like, what image of yourself that they build.

Going into mental health with anxiety is commendable and a lot of sufferers feel compelled to do it but the reality is that it's a very challenging area, especially when you will be reminded of your own weaknesses or feel more for those suffering than someone who hasn't experienced what you have. For this very reason, good therapist training bodies include supervision where the trainee also gets assessed to like a patient would so they can come to terms with themselves.

You sound young, so you probabky feel you should be moving on. You've been dealt a blow by having an anxiety disorder so you need to forget about what society sees as the natural progression from school to being married with kids & a mortgage and determine what you really want...like they say, it's never too late.

[Oosh]

Why is it not standing out as something you want to do for the rest of your life ?

I had that dilemma for years, whether to work in mental health. I looked into becoming an RMN, posted on nursing forums ridiculously asking if they thought I could be a nurse haha. I was in turmoil over it for years.

It ticked so many boxes
Use my experiences to help others
Stable career in health care
As a nurse you can work all over the world
Hospital community seemed appealing
A really positive identity

On the other hand I couldn't help thinking "hang on, you're shy and have never liked working around office politics etc so why would you enjoy working with others in a hospital.
I think I also had a rose tinted view of the mental illness I'd be dealing with.
And faced with real serious mental illness it might freek me out a bit.

I'm also someone who has never known what I want to do.
I've always had anxiety about the workplace.
I've tried out things and then gone a different direction just like you.

It's hard to give advice when I don't really know you.

So yeh, why don't you think working in mental health is not what you want for the rest of your life. Be honest with yourself.
Be honest with what the boxes are that you'd need ticking in your ideal occupation.

I settled ultimately on working for myself.

I'm on the phone to my mum every week bending her ear. They love it. Gives them a purpose.

Successful twin sister, that must be SO annoying. How can you not compare yourself to a successful twin. Urgh

[Mora Mora]

Thank you both for your replies, it means a lot.
As much as i dont think so my strengths are definitely with people, i seem to have an affinity for people.
Im not sure why mental health isnt screaming at me as im really enjoying the job, but the thought of studying for 4 years kind of bores me. Actually the thought of doing anything long term bores me, all i want to do is travel but dont have the funds right now.
Last year i went to Madagascar and got my advanced diving certificate and actually the thought of doing more diving really excites so im hoping to continue with that.

And also yes a successful twim is a bit hard but im very proud all the same :)

[Oosh]

Well I'm already envious of your idea. I think that really makes sense.

I think that gives you a very positive self identity in regards to your sister too.
You could be the twin off around the world learning new experiences seeing how the world works first hand.

You can be a career person and occupy yourself playing the game trying to reach that point where you're supposed to feel the benefit only that point never comes. Maybe that points retirement. Great, then I'm old. What a con.
I think it's more evident than ever that people continue with that daily grind and are ultimately stressed and miserable. More money = a bigger house = bigger bills = stress and being locked in to having to do it.

Or you can spend your youth seeking out experiences, learning how you feel about yourself, shaping your thoughts and opinions and maybe somewhere along the way understanding what you want to do.

I've lived in different places and found it very refreshing. As you pass through you observe the people stuck like furniture in their unfulfilling lives and thank god you're not a piece of furniture there.

One thing I would say though is don't necessarily picture it alone. Like it or not, people tend to be what trigger our reward systems and leave us feeling happy.
If that's something that's missing in your life be sure to incorporate that into your plan.

You sound intelligent and I'm sure once you work out what you really want to do you'll have the tools to do it.

I can hear your family now-
"Look at her, diving all day, meeting and helping new people, painting on the beach on her days off with that gorgeous foreign bloke/girl ! Who does she think she is ! Why didn't i do that ??!?"

If somebody out there is having that life, you can to.

[Edie]

I would say if you enjoy your job then stick with it for now. Considering the amount of time we have to spend at work, job satisfaction is important! You don't have to make decisions about your entire life at the moment.

It's becoming more and more common to go to uni as a mature student, so if you decide to study in the future then that option will always be open to you.

Right now, you have a job you enjoy and are good at - that's success in my opinion! In my family, all of my cousins and my younger brother went to uni before me. I started 18 months ago in my 30s. I guess when you are a twin, maybe there are even more comparisons drawn. But uni isn't the be all and end all in life, there are many other ways to be successful, and why go to uni if you wouldn't enjoy it!

It's great you have a relationship with your mum where you can talk through things. I'll bet she is glad to help wherever she can and does not see you as a burden. But sometimes you need more than just someone to talk to. Are you getting any treatment at the moment? The right therapy can teach you coping skills. Well I guess you will know all about that from your job anyway! But it might be something that can help you in addition to the great support your mum gives you.

I'm not sure I'm wise enough to offer you words of wisdom, but my advice would be to enjoy what you have, be proud of yourself for what you do, and continue doing the best you can at it.

[Mora Mora]

Thank you as well for your replies, oosh yours especially put a smile on my face so thank you :)
At the moment im on beta blockers to help relax im and im waiting to see someone but the line is so long...
Ive lived with this since i was 8 so coming up to 14 years now, i dont expect it to ever go away now and im slowly accepting that its the anxiety that has shaped me into the person i am today... and i think im alright sometimes :)
I can only hope it gets easier though
X

[Oosh]

Aww thanks ! You've made my night now.

I always think posters read my response and go "screw him, how dare he say that. What an idiot. I'm never going back there again !"

So when someone replies it makes my day.

[Mora Mora]

Well you made mine as well, definitely cheered me up after everything and also the lovely 12hr shift i did today! :)

[MyNameIsTerry]

More Mora,

If your skills lie in working & helping people then you have the ability to work in pretty much any industry. So, perhaps you need to think a little deeper about what it is you like and why.

Is it the thought of 4 years at uni that puts you off? You don't need to do this to work in mental health you know. Look at this.

http://www.bacp.co.uk/crs/Training/careersincounselling.php

It's more like 2-3 years there I would say depending on whether you want to go full or part time. The diploma also requires 100 hours doing the work under supervision so it's going to be varied as opposed to a traditional uni setting. Also, if you take longer on a part time course you can always do something along side it to keep you going or perhaps stay where you are?

So, maybe thats an option? I know that when I went for CBT, I first went through Guided Self Help and each was at a different level with a different job title. So, there is scope to be working and training in there. I'm not sure what the difference in qualifications may be but the first one was a Psychological Wellbeing Practioner and the next level up was a High Intensity Therapist who ran the CBT.

If you don't want to go that deep but like positive psychology there is always coaching. It won't take as long unless you want to go for a foundation degree equivalent diploma in which case expect 2 years.

The interesting thing is that many of these courses thesedays offer credits and some are equivalent to foundation degree level allowing you to spend a year full time at a uni to obtain a postgraduate degree or 2 years at the OU.

So, would a stepped approach be possible?

Otherwise, like the others said, find something you really want to do and make that leap once you find it because you at least have something you like doing now.

[Mora Mora]

Thank you MyNameIsTerry, i really appriciate that you looked at that for me as it is definitely the 4 years of uni that puts me off. Im hoping to stay where i am for a while so this is an option i could see myself doing.
The stepped approach is definitely better for me as it gives me goals to reach that dont look so daunting.
Thanks again :)

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thats fine, I thought it might help you see there are other options and I'm glad you see is as a possibility - we need more people like you! I've been looking at this myself in the past (I think we all feel the need to help others like us, as you are doing) and come across the BACP routes.

It's also good because part of supervision is to look at yourself and your supervisor talks to you about that, I've read.

Since you are interested, her is some more things that may help you understand this sector.

1) Geraint Davies MP has a Bill in place to regulate this sector and he asked for some information about GP referrals which might give you an idea of how this is growing in the public sector.

Mental Health Services

Geraint Davies: To ask the Secretary of State for Health pursuant to the answer of 12 July 2013, Official Report, column 437W, on mental health services, what information his Department collects on NHS (a) spending on and (b) referrals to counsellors and psychotherapists. [166622]
29 Aug 2013 : Column 984W
Norman Lamb: The Department collects information on overall spend on psychological therapy services in England.
From 2004-05 until 2011-12 the spend on psychological therapy services was as follows:
£ million
2004-05 144,378
2005-06 142,047
2006-07 146,116
2007-08 161,378
2008-09 184,755
2009-10 292,308
2010-11 355,821
2011-12 388,980
Source: Improving Access to Psychological Therapies (IAPT) three year report, November 2012
The number of referrals to IAPT services each year since October 2008 were as follows:
Number of referrals
October 2008 to March 2009
75,278
April 2009 to March 2010
357,266
April 2010 to March 2011
682,438
April 2011 to March 2012
870,747
April 2012 to March 2013
983,619
Source: IAPT Minimum Dataset


2) As I understand it, in mental health circumstance Level 1 is your GP as your primary health professional, Level 2 is Guided Self Help or Individual Self Help, Level 3 is High Intensity Interventions and Level 4 is more Psychotherapy and longer term help. I'm not familiar with Level 4, so suggest looking at the NICE website about that. You can also find out about the interventions in these levels on the NICE website (as if you can't find them, I've got the standard references).

For Level 2, I found a job title that is the same as the lady that helped me. It might be worth having a look. I know the NHS publish salary bands for all this which probably explains the differences between Level 2 and Level 3 careers.

http://www.mentalhealthmatters.com/job-vacancies/psychological-wellbeing-practitioner-refns23/

Having looked for my High Intensity therapist, she has the same job title so if might have been a matter of different grades within the same bracket.

Perhaps have a look at Rethink as well.


3) I used to attend a self help group ran by a local charity which has been going 20+ years and they were willing to pay for the training required for voluntary co-ordinators who run the sessions or other training sessions for users, in pairs. I remember my therapist actually came from there. So, you may find an option like that as a starter course.

Here is an example http://www.changes.org.uk/html/get_involved_volunteer.html