When will this stop......?

[Mrschurchill]

I've suffered HA for about 8 or 9 years now (I'm 26) and the biggest fear for me was always Lymphoma. About a year ago I FINALLY realised that after 8 years of thinking I had it with no constant symptoms I was gonna be fine - and pleased to say I haven't really bothered with it since....

However, since May last year I've had a pretty constant pain between my left breast and my armpit. It's sore when I move and tense up and especially when I press on the area. There's no lump and I've been to the docs who said she notices nothing different and it's probably muscular from picking up my 16 month old! Not convinced but hey ho!

So now about 6 weeks I started to get a pain in my side. First it felt under my rib cage (left side again) and now it's kinda radiating around to my lower back. Now I have like zero problems on my right side, everything that's pain related is on my left side! I'm so frightened that it's cancer from my breast and it's moving down my body!

Like a lot of others, cancer is my absolute biggest fear and I'm petrified about leaving my beautiful baby girl without her mummy!

I want to live a normal life without this FEAR taking over! :-(

Thanks for reading anyway, just needed to vent! X

[AnnieMags]

I totally sympathise with you! I also have pain like you describe - have had for years - and have come to accept that it is muscular, not a spread of breast cancer, as was also my fear. In fact one of my daily mantras is "It's pain from a muscle and not in your breast" and I sometimes manage to let it go without compulsively having to check the breast again (not always!).

In your case, if you are righthanded, you probably perch your daughter on your left hip and hold her there when you pick her up - all pointing to more muscular strain on that side. You also say that there is no lump in your breast - making breast cancer that has already spread extremely unlikely.

I know how horrible it is to worry like this all the time and it is also true that HA often worsens when we have small children as there is then another all-compelling reason not to be in any danger of not being there for them. I do think, though, that you can trust your doctor on this one and absolutely believe that your symptoms do not indicate any form of cancer.

[Mrschurchill]

Thanks for replying AnnieMags! Thing is I know deep down in someway that I am being silly but there is like a tiny voice that keeps whispering 'what if?' I wish that voice would shut the hell up lol my fiancé is brilliant and he knows in some ways about my HA but maybe not deep down my rooted fears! His dad is going through a pretty awful cancer battle at the moment and I find it so mind boggling how calm he is. I worry about anything and everything and he just kinda goes with the flow! WHY CANT I BE LIKE THAT! :( x

[AnnieMags]

I know - we all need to take a leaf out of his book, don't we?! What sometimes works for me is just saying "STOP!" when a fear pops into my thoughts and immediately distracting myself with an activity. It does not always work, as I sometimes can't enjoy what I'm doing (reading, watching a favourite programme etc.) before I have reassured myself - AGAIN! - over the particular health worry. I think I probably have a touch of OCD in this regard (or, as I read somewhere: "I suffer from CDO - it's like OCD, only in alphabetical order, as it should be!" :D ) I don't know how to properly get over it - but I try keep my mind firmly fixed on the fact that what we suffer from is mostly the fear of the disease and thankfully not the disease itself. If a doctor reassures me, I mostly manage to believe them - despite sensationalist news stories, serious disease is not often missed on consultation and examination.

[Hellly]

Omg, I am the exactly the same on the right side and in a constant state of panic. I don't want to go to my Doctor in case he dismisses me, I have already be referred to specialists about heart palps and GERD.

I keep telling myself it's my anxiety but it never helps, it's one symptom after another. If your doctor has looked into it then hopefully that should be a bit of comfort.

I know this won't ease your anxiety but just know your not the only one who feels like this.

:-)

[Masqued]

I had the same pain for a year. And if that wasn't scary enough it's was in my lumpy armpit side! So HA overdrive! The pain was actually radiating from a shoulder joint and physio cleared it up. The constant muscle tension was initially caused by injury then kept alive by HA!

[Mrschurchill]

Thanks so much everyone for replying! Just by reading your comments I feel better! Knowing other people kind of have the same symptoms as me makes me think I'm maybe jumping the gun a wee bit! X