Will it ever go away?

[nealorange]

Just to introduce myself, I'm mid 30s, married, two lovely young kids, nice house, good job, good friends at home and work, no financial problems, nothing at all to REALLY worry about. I'm calm and have always been, able to cope with anything.

Then nearly a year ago I felt a bit strange at work one day, unwell, but like nothing I'd ever known before. I sat down, drank some water and got through the rest of the day. On the way home, driving on the motorway in the dark I had a massive panic attack. Obviously at the time I didn't know what was going on and did everything wrong which just made it all the worse. I thought I was having a heart attack and was going to die alone on the hard shoulder of a motorway. I called an ambulance but genuinely believed that it wouldn't reach me in time and I would leave my wife a widow and my children without a dad.

As it turned out it was caused by anxiety. No way - not me, there's definitely something wrong physically, but there wasn't. At the time I thought it was out of the blue but looking back I can see all the signs for maybe years leading up to it.

I had a couple of days off and got back on the horse, got back in the car, went to work and I became completely unstuck. My stress levels were through the roof, I could hardly drive, the adrenalin was pumping, my shoulders and arms were so tense that I felt sure they would just snap off. On the third day back at work I had the most awful re-occurrence of the original problem in the car. I made it home just… and that night I got 1 hours sleep. I woke up with my heart racing, it was as if a lion had walked into the room, I went downstairs and walked around and around until dawn came up, I’m sure you all know the feeling.

The next day I went to the doctors who gave me anti-depressants and I didn’t get back to work for 2 months. I worked really hard at it, started exercising, stopped drinking alcohol, stopped smoking, gave up caffeine, made myself do things I didn’t want to do and got the self help books and worked through them. I got back into my life and started to enjoy living again. I came off the anti-depressants in may/june which wasn’t easy but I was okay….

So why now have I joined this website, why now do I feel so c##p, why do I want to curl up and cry but am unable to, why do I want to hide myself from the world, why can’t I enjoy my family and my kids the way I know I should, why is everything I do so hard, will it ever go away?

I am doing everything I know to do, I’ve even bought a SAD lamp in the hope its just down to light but it is still there. Today I was so so low, I don’t want to go back on anti-depressants but what else is there to do? Is this it now, is it with me for life, the way I enjoyed life before, is that just a memory, is this thing always going to be there?

I know that if anyone knows a way through they will be here on this website.

[matt1981]

It seems to me like you are doing the right thing so it will go away or at least subside. I feel like that at the moment? Have you tried counselling or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? (CBT) I listen to a relaxation CD every night I find that helps and try and do something that tires you out and keep a diary of how you feel because than you can monitor the progress you make :)

TAke Care mate.

matt

[mooks]

neal
welcome....its a real one insnt it...Im the same no real reason in my life to suffer...ive suffer fo 10 years but i know it can go away...ive been anxiety free for years at a time...
i will say ive never manage it without meds...ive been med free twice and fallen back again..im now doing cbt and pyschotherapy

read clare weeks..its a good book...really helps

xx

[nealorange]

I try the diary but I only ever seem to use it when I'm down, if I have a good day, I just want to forget about it. What CD do you listen to, I have a tape which is not too bad but seems a bit home made.

The CBT therapists where I live are very hard to get to see and to be honest I'm not convinced that they're that good. They know the theory but they don't understand. Have you ever tried hypnotherapy, its one route I haven't tried yet. Oh for a miracle cure....

Neal

[matt1981]

I listen to a hypnotherapy CD its really good Complete Relaxation its called. Write in the diary when you are feeling good aswell trust me it helps :)

[darkangel]

ive attached a mediation for you to try

http://www.meditainment.com/free_guided_meditation/

i would suggest maybe making an appointment with your GP to discuss options of medication or maybe a referral to counselling. You have got better before and you will do again.

Just take care of yourself and I know its hard - but try not to think WHY has it happened - try and accept it and let it pass



........life is for living not just for surviving

[snoopy]

Hi,

I know what you are going through Haven't got time to explain got a new born. But PLEASE buy the dr Claire weeks books. They will explain every thing.

Good luck. Let me know how you get on.

Snoopy x

[l.gibbons1983]

Hi


I know exactly how you are feeling. I went through almost exactly the same. It just came on out of the blue. You can get through this! Have you tried yoga? It really does help to relax your body and mind. My panic attacks are less frequent and I don't feel as stressed all the time.
Stay strong, you can beat this
Lucy:D

lsgibbons

[feels_like_home]

Hi,

I know what it is like to have nothing to really worry about, but feel so anxious and horrible. I just got married in the summer and started supply teaching and should be in my glory, but instead everyday is a struggle. I have my good days and bad days and really bad days. I was doing really well for a while, but the last few days have been bad. I have been going to therapy and that helps a lot. I don't know why it has been bad lately. I just got dizzy the other night and the anxiety came back strong. I am sure it will get better again as I am sure it will get better again for you. We just need to take it one day at a time.

Take Care,

Michelle

[lainey]

Hi Neal

Firstly, welcome to the forum, you'll get loads of help and support here. It was a lifeline for me when my anxiety was acute.
I decided against the medication route and took St John's Wort, Vit B complex, and Omega 3 capsules, that was June 2004. I still suffer with anxiety , but the difference now is that I can accept the symptoms and let them ride over me ( well most of the time anyway).
My hubby said to me a few months ago that I needed to stop dwelling on things which made me think!!!!
Since then my attitude has changed towards it, don't get me wrong I still get panicky days, but compared to how I used to be it's a doddle.
I also used a cd called Complete relaxation by Glenn Harold which used to help me relax, I purchased it on Amazon and it was recommended by my counsellor.

Hope this helps

Take care

Here if you want to PM me

Elaine x

[ksmith]

Feeling much as you do and having a similar story thought I would let you know how it has been explained to me.

Without wishing to get too complicated my CPN explained about the philospher Hegal and his theory of thesis, antithesis and synthesis. So, thesis is the anxiety, antithesis is recovery and synthesis is something new that emerges from the two. So, where does that leave people like us? We will enter synthesis eventually but (according to my CPN) we will never be the same as before as we are now something new.

I don't know about you, but I really want my old self back, not 90% of the old me and 10% new.

The CPN also told me that I had embraced the 'illness' model of recovery instead of the 'wellness' model. What does that mean? Well, I live a life where everyone is very careful not to upset me (treadng on eggshells in case I 'go mad' again), spend lots of time lounging in the bedroom or sleeping, I spend lots of money on night wear for bed (must be cosy), I line up tablets in the kitchen window, eg., anti-depressents, health supplements etc, and generally treat myself as a 'patient'.

I have managed to work thru'out but as soon as I get home from work, the clothes come off, nightwear on and I am the patient once again!! Personally, I suspect I am suffering from shock. Shock at what happened to me as, in my world, people like me don't do anxiety!! I feel like a solider who has come back from battle and needs debriefing.

Hope you understand some of this !!

all the best, Kay x

[groovygranny]

Hello and welcome - you are so in the 'right place' here! I have made very special friends through this site, and I wouldn't be where I am now without their support (daily in some cases) and everyone else who posts on this forum.

I am off meds, but have started to experience 'flash backs' to my black time (as I call it). It's a big thing to realise and come to terms with the fact that you have anxiety problems. I was the last person I would have thought would have been affected by this! I went back to work in April after 6mnths off work and at first it was great. But now things have been creeping up on me. I try to stay focused, I have to in my job - but when I feel the stress level is pumping more adrenalin into me than I know is good for me, I have to will myself to keep it in check. I was unable to do this before, which was why I ended up hitting the 'brick wall'.

I think what I am trying to say is this: I have had to come to accept that this is, and may always be, part of my life. So instead of trying to obliterate it I try and take control over it so that it doesn't disrupt. Easier said than done, of course!

Hope this may be of help in some way

Take care

GG

xxx[:P]

'There are no such things as strangers; just friends we haven't made yet!'

[mooks]

hello
what has been said is so true...i have spent 10 years being really down on this and wanting 'my old self' again....my therapist has said...it will always be there but how you deal with it makes the difference...ive always let it manifest...thought about it all the time...Ive been off work 2 months now and im beggining to 'coach' myself to realise...yes ill always have this illness...but face it instead of being scared of it...i havent quite mastered it but (much to my husbands amusement) when i feel the panic rising i shout 'come on then give me all you've got'...i then imagine it washing over me....it is working ..like im retraining my brain not to focuc on anything negative...im not going to die...itd not going to harm me...so I just say bring it on....reverse pyschology i spose xx

[manmoor]

Hi Neal,

A big warm welcome to you.

Take Care

Mandyxx

[nealorange]

Thanks everyone for your support.

I've had another bad day today. Woke up feeling relaxed and happy and from the moment I got up everything seemed to pile up on top of me and within half an hour I was stressed and tense and anxious. My shoulders felt as if they were tied together with a steel rope off the forth road bridge. I tried the usual techniques to relax but was unable to, I just couldn't focus. Luckily a friend at work has gone through something similar and I talked it out late in the afternoon.

I have now come down and am completely relaxed but my body feels exhausted, I feel like I've been in a fight.

I'm going on holiday soon and I'm nervous about what happens if I get ill on holiday, where we are going there'll be no doctors to turn to or even pharmicists to get things from. I need to go prepared, can anyone advise on something I can use to bring me down when I'm like that, or pick me up when I'm feeling down and miserable.

My wife bought me some kalms which I tried 2 off, as it said on the packet and I'm sure they made me feel worse, depressed in particular, I don't fancy trying them again.

Any advice or experiences will be helpful.

Thanks,

Neal

[nomorepanic]

Hi Neal

Just wanted to welcome you aboard and lovely to see you here.

Hope you get some great support and meet some fab people.

Nicola

People will forget what you said
People will forget what you did
But people will never forget how you made them feel

[nealorange]

DarkAngel,
Thanks for posting that link to the secret garden. I gave it a try a couple of days ago when I was really confused and it really helped. I felt completely blocked and my mind was working at 200mph on about 20 different worries and I calmed down completely.

Neal

[sandlin]

Hi Neal

Welcome to no panic-its great. I,ve tried hypnotherapy before but it didnt do much for me. Reiki made me feel calmer and a good book is the no panic workbook. I did a bit of it when flying this week and managed really well.

Good Luck

Lindaxx

[LickeyEndBlues]

Hi Neal

As you have found out there are a lot of folks in here who can relate to what you say. I have found redaing your post and the comments with it really useful.

Thanks Dark Angel I think I'll try that site and see if iot has the same effect on me as Neal!!

Take care

Iain

What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?