New member here. Finally admitted I have a problem, but need some guidance

[samclarke666]

Hi all,

So, after a few years of having pretty terrible anxiety in certain situations, I've finally admitted to myself that I need help, and have finally started confiding in people.

I'll briefly explain my situation. I lead a fairly normal/social life most of the time and am fine in 99% of social situations. However, I suffer from some pretty crippling anxiety in certain situations. For example, if i'm due to go out in the evening to a pub or somewhere similar, i obsess over it for hours before we actually go, and when we do eventually leave, i panic that we're going to be late. This leaves me with a really horrible pain/feeling of dread in my stomach.

Another example is that, 1.5 years ago, myself and my girlfriend moved into a flat. And my anxiety has certainly got worse. When I hear the person who lives above us move around (The ceilings are like paper) or talking, it sets me off, i get a horrible feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and it takes me a while to calm down. I'm not sure if you'd call this a panic attack so to speak, although i'm really unsure about the definition of an attack. If this happens at night before i'm due to sleep, it then takes me about an hour or so to actually switch off and get the feeling out of my system and off to sleep.

It's driving me absolutely crazy, and now its starting to drift into other aspects of my life such as work and just generally feeling wound up/tense about situations that do not require me to be wound up/tense.

I went to the doctors for the first time yesterday but left feeling a tad underwhelmed. i had a new/trainee doctor who didn't really fill me with confidence. I was told medication is not really the answer, at least not straight away, and I should try some self help. I attempted to have a look on the internet last night but ended up getting myself a bit confused with all the info. I also have quite a low opinion of myself and I don't think I can "self help"...

Sorry for the long message. I hope I can get some help/talk to others on here about my situation.

Thanks for reading

Sam

[cloudbusting]

Hi Sam and welcome

I think you've chosen just the right time to try and get this sorted out and you'll get lots of support and ideas.

If I was going to 'label' what you are experiencing it does sound a lot like 'social anxiety'. If you look to the column to the left of this message you will see some further info about it, give it a read.

Did your Dr recommend any type of talking therapy such as cognitive behavioural therapy or CBT for short ? I don't know whereabouts you live but your local health authority should have a mental wellness service (don't be put off by the title !) and you are usually referred by your GP to them to get the CBT counselling. You can also pay for it privately or there are a few free online courses too, I have personally used one called 'Live Life To The Full' but there are others. Ask your GP for a referral.

Stuff that you eat and drink can also trigger anxious feelings if you are prone to them so it might be worthwhile cutting caffeine, sugar and alcohol out for a while and seeing if that helps. A cup of chamomile tea before bed can relax you ( you get used to the taste :winks:). Exercise is good too, I don't know if you do any but walking is great and it's free.

Keep in touch on here, try not to worry (easy to say, I know), all of us on here have either been through it or are going through it so never worry about asking questions.

Best wishes

Lisa x

[Cheesemonster13]

Welcome samclarke666

Check out the links on the left for information on anxiety, panic attacks or anything else you think might be relevant. That's what I did when I first signed up with this site, and it helped me both begin to understand what I was going through, and reassured me that I wasn't losing my mind. Once I knew what I was dealing with, I could start to think about working through my problem behaviour, with help from others, including the professionals.

I'm sorry your doctor wasn't very helpful - it really is the luck of the draw. You might want to ask to see someone else next time you visit the surgery.

:)

[samclarke666]

Hi Lisa,

thanks so much for the reply.

I hadn't thought about social anxiety if i'm honest, but it makes sense.

RE my diet - it could be a lot better, and I do drink a lot of coke. I'll try to cut it out of my diet for a while to see if it makes a difference. To be honest, I should be kicking the habit anyway!

The DR recommended i look up CBT and do some exercises which i'm in the process of trying. I was also looking into hypnotherapy too..

Thanks - it really puts my mind at ease knowing i have a place to come and talk.

Sam

[sophrbk]

Hello, and I can totally relate to what you're talking about! In just one example, I had a huge panic attack about the office Christmas party because I couldn't decide whether to wear leggings or a skirt.

I'd definitely recommend talking to a different doctor; I think, particularly if you're suffering from anxiety, if you feel like you haven't been taken seriously it can make you feel an awful lot worse!

I've had some pretty terrible doctors in the past, but recently transferred to a new surgery and have had absolutely loads of support. My only issue with the NHS is the length of time it takes for a referral, so I ended up going privately.

[samclarke666]

Hi all,

thanks for the replies.

sophrbk, I can relate to where you're coming from, but it affects me slightly differently. For some reason I panic that i'll be late and usually end arriving places 15/20 minutes too early and drive my girlfriend nuts! It sounds silly but it does really bother me.. Driving me round the bend that I feel this way.

Is it normal to feel almost angry at certain situations? Not necessarily the same ones that make me anxious, but its almost like a channel the release of emotions by getting angry at equally unnecessary situations. I wonder if the two are connected. Just to clarify, I don't mean angry that I go around shouting and screaming at people, but i feel internally angry

[cloudbusting]

Sam, have you heard of the self care acronym H.A.L.T -
Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired ?

The idea being that a sudden drop in mood or an onset of anxious feelings can be attributed to any of the four sensations that make up HALT. Of course, it can't be used to explain away anxiety disorders (ha, if only it were that easy, have a sandwich and a nap !) but it's worth a check on yourself if you have anxious feelings that you think have come out of nowhere.

Do a Google search for it if you want to read up a bit more.

I can relate, I get very tetchy and impatient if I have to wait for things so queuing up at the bank or in a shop gets me going and yep, I have a hatred of being late for anything (I'm ok if other people are though) and get very angsty beforehand :shrug:

Lisa

[samclarke666]

Hi Lisa,

I can't say i've heard of HALT but i'll certainly look up more info.

I've only recently started to (or at least noticed) that my mood can drop for no reason. On Saturday I had a great morning out with a good friend but by the time i was at home I was at an all-time low and it took me a while to snap out of it. I kept thinking about everything that worries me and it totally took control over me for a couple of hours and then i was pretty much fine after that for the rest of the day. That was certainly the worst one i've experienced.

It's such a weight off hearing people have or have had the same sort of issues/worries as i do.

[sophrbk]

Ah, I don't think that's silly at all! If it bothers you, it bothers you. I think it's perfectly normal to start feeling really angry about things in general, especially if you're feeling anxious and stressed out - I was feeling dead anxious in town with my boyfriend the other day, and ended up having to leave a video game shop after about 5 seconds because I said a couple in there were 'talking in a really irritating way.'

I think if you're feeling in a heightened state/ sensitive everything can get annoying, so it's normal to find other things unnecessarily irritating.

[xrachykinsx]

My husband is lucky to still have his head! This episode of anxiety I'm experiencing has made me terribly irritable...so irritable, my hubby's breathing is enough to make me want to explode.

I think it's totally normal, afterall you feel frustrated for feeling so anxious..so it makes you on edge...

[samclarke666]

Hi All,

thanks so much for all the replies. It's ever so slightly set my mind at ease about the whole thing.

Can I ask, xrachykinsx & sophrbk, what are you trying to do to relieve your feelings of anxiety/stress? and are they working? :)

Thanks in advance!

[sophrbk]

No problem! I find it makes things a lot easier to talk about stuff, even if it's just to remind yourself it's not going crazy :)

Well, my issues are based on general anxiety disorder plus health anxiety which has morphed itself into tonnes of obsessive intrusive thinking and depression (preoccupied with mortality and that kind of thing). I've been seeing my counsellor for a few weeks now, but I've been making her give me homework and coping techniques because it can be really hard to force yourself out of anxious thought patterns!

Anyway, at the moment these are the things I'm trying that she's advised:

- Exercise/ mindful running: I haven't tried this yet (only discussed with her and my doctor yesterday afternoon) but exercise is really good for burning off adrenaline and is also distraction, I guess. The mindfulness part is to do with running and focusing completely on what your body is doing, etc, which helps to focus the mind? Still don't fully understand but worth a Google :)

- Thought control!: This is my main thing because of obsessive thinking. At the moment, every time I think an extreme negative thought, I have to accept the thought but then challenge the way I think about it by saying 'yes, but...' Sounds mad, but for example 'There's no point in enjoying x because one day I won't be around to remember it, yes but it makes me happy, and surely I should do my best to appreciate the moments that make me happy while I can.' It does work, but it's really hard to make myself do it!

- Anxiety=excitement: Sounds mad (again) but because a lot of the physical symptoms of the two feelings are the same, you can work to make your mind believe you're excited. So, you feel really anxious, and then say to yourself 'I accept these feelings as those of excitement' - and think of something you could be excited about. I've found this really helpful when I've managed to make myself do it, simply because its all about imposing positive thinking on yourself.

I'm also taking Sertraline and have Propanalol as a back up if I have panic attacks, but I'm treating this as a way to make it easier to take on the techniques I learn in counselling rather than as an overall solution, if you see how I mean?

TL;DR - Exercise, thought exercises, pretending I'm excited instead of super anxious, meds :)

[samclarke666]

Great, thanks for the reply.

Do you find they are helping?

I'm quite interested to try the hypnotherapy route as well..

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Sam,

I think your GP is really inexperienced as he/she hasn't realy helped much.

Here are the NICE guidelines for anxiety.

http://publications.nice.org.uk/generalised-anxiety-disorder-and-panic-disorder-with-or-without-agoraphobia-in-adults-cg113/guidance

Your GP can refer you for therapy and they should be assisting you or referring you for self help. It's not acceptable for a GP to diagnose, makes a few recommendations and shout "next". Given this was a trainee, it's inexpereience but he/she should be under supervision which should be picking up on this. I would suggest going back and asking for help to get to Level 2 & Level 3 care.

You seem to have anticipatory anxiety around social occassions, which would fit to SA disorder but you have some other factors such as the one with the upstairs neighbour and this seems a little unclear as to where it may sit. Many people have more than one anxiety disorder, I have GAD, OCD, depression & OCPD so it could mean you have elements of another. It's worth noting that GAD, particularily at it's worst points, can mimic elements of other disorders. For instance, at my worst point I had mild Agoraphobia but it went very quickly via exposure therapy.

I would recommend Mindfulness meditation. It works for all anxiety disorders, depression, paranoia, personality disorders, etc so it can help you. It takes time to learn it, it changes can be subtle, but it is at least relaxing at first. Over time it can alter your attitude, make you more compassionate, relaxed, boost mood, break unhelpful thought patterns and remove the power of intrusive thoughts, etc.

---------- Post added at 05:54 ---------- Previous post was at 04:11 ----------



- Exercise/ mindful running: I haven't tried this yet (only discussed with her and my doctor yesterday afternoon) but exercise is really good for burning off adrenaline and is also distraction, I guess. The mindfulness part is to do with running and focusing completely on what your body is doing, etc, which helps to focus the mind? Still don't fully understand but worth a Google :)



You don't have to run, you could walk and learn how to be Mindful and then progress on to running if it's easier. This may help until you feel you can appreciate feeling the sensations of exercise.

If you are interested in movement based meditation, have a look at Tai Chi and QiGong. QiGong is easier to learn and it's all about feeling how you are moving and letting thoughts go.

Mindfulness is all about feeling 'the now' and appreciating it. Put something in your hand that has several types of surface such as a rock that is smooth one side and rough the other. Spend time, relaxed that is no rushing & no forcing, feeling each side and think about the sensations on your hand and fingers, thiink about where the sensations are, any heat, etc.

One of the first exercises in Mark Williams book is similiar...oh dear, I think people will love this one so no complaining at me about weight gain later :D (well thats the disclaimer of out of the way)...take a raisin and...

1. Holding
Hold it in the palm of your hand or between fingers, etc, approach it like it's the first time you've seen on, consider weight, does it throw a shadow.

2. Seeing
Really see it, use full attention, find it's highlights where the light shines, the darker hollows, folds, ridges.

3. Touching
Explore it, turn it over,:D feel the texture:D, how does it feel between thumb & forefinger on the other hand.

4. Smelling
Put it under your nose. With each inbreath consider scent, consider no scent, lit it fill your awareness.

5. Placing
Put it to your mouth noticing how your hand & arm does knows where to go automatically. Place it gently in your mouth, noticing how your tongue receives it. Without chewing, explore the sensations of having on your tongue for 30 seconds or more if you choose.

WARNING: Step 5 not advised with a Rowntrees Fruit Pastel :roflmao:thats all mine...:yesyes:

6. Chewing
Take a conscious bite, notice how it affects the object and your mouth, notice taste, feel the texture whilst biting, chew slowly but don't swallow, noticewhat happens to your mouth.

7. Swallowing
See if you can detect the first intention to swallow as it enters your mind, experiencing it with full awareness before swallowing. Notice what how the tongue prepares it for swallowing. Try to follow the sensations of swallowing it and if you can, consciously sense it as it moves down into your stomach. Repeat if any more in your mouth. After each swallow, notice what your tongue does.

8. After-effects
Register any after-effects, is there any aftertaste, what does does the absence of the raisin feel like, is there an automatic tendency to find another?

Spend 20-30 seconds on each of these steps.

Now spend a few minutes writing down your thoughts.


It's really intesting stuff. If it can be applied that way, it can applied to anything really. It's just a question of knowing what you should be trying to do like these steps.

I think it's telling us to slow down and appreciate things. It makes sense because life seems to be about rushing and after you have done it long enough, it's hard to just sit still or lie in the sun and appreciate whats around you.

I think for me, I would like to follow this and become more aware of things. I've never seen an anxious Buddhist monk anywhere...:D

[Edie]

Hi Sam, and welcome.

Your doctor sounds a bit crap to be honest. You've taken a very difficult step of going to talk about this because you've realised you can't fix it yourself, and his solution is go away and fix it yourself. Sadly a few doctors are like this. I would suggest you book another appointment with another doctor and try to get the point across that you are struggling and need some guidance with this.

Medication can help to relieve symptoms, but it does not give you the long-term coping skills that you can learn in therapy. It all depends on the individual whether medication is a good thing, but you certainly deserve SOME kind of support from the medical profession, and I'm sorry you've been given the brush off on your first attempt.

[sophrbk]

Thanks for the advice, Terry! That sounds really interesting - I've just bought a new journal to help me with my thoughts and ideas so I will have to give it a go.

Sam, it's too soon to say for me really if any of these things are helping just yet. I'm taking Sertraline and have only been on it two weeks so I think it's made me worse before it's going to make me better! The techniques do seem to help in the short term, though. Will report back once I start noticing any real differences :)