I know acceptance is key to recovery but is it okay to have days where you just cry?

[xrachykinsx]

I've been on my medication for about 14 weeks in total including my doseage increase and whilst I can't underestimate what it is doing...I still find myself battling quite a few series of bad days. It's a bit like a cycle...I have pretty good days and then I start to dip again almost asthough the good days actually set off my anxiety because I think it's too good to be true. I've been so much more accepting in the last month, and practiced lots of challenging my thoughts and allowing the anxious feeling to come and sometimes it's sucessful...but sometimes I feel too weak and sad to do it, and I just want to cry. I read lots about not giving into your anxiety, and sometimes the outlet of my anxiety is to cry- that's what my 'panic attacks' normally amount to.. I just want to ask anyone who can give me input...I'm not letting myself down by ocasionally crying about it am I? I'm not losing progress? I just feel angry and saddened by how I got like this sometimes.. and that's my biggest annoyance.

[Emma_student]

Hi rachykins,

I know how you feel. When my anxiety got worse, i questioned how i let myself get like this. Letting your emotions out is the HEALTHIEST thing you can do for now. You said youre progressing which is brilliant. Acceptance doesnt mean not showing your feelings, and yes you will have days when it feels too good to be true which drags you back down again. Keep reminding yourself you are getting better every single day because you've recognized your problem is anxiety.

If you want to cry, CRY! Dont bottle it up because it can set you back. Cry, dust yourself off and carry on.

I hope this helps you, im in the progress of getting better myself and cant shake my symptoms but my new state of mind is that 1) Although my emotions will be up and down, i WILL recover 2) Feel whatever youre feeling and dont shy away from it

:)

[xrachykinsx]

I'm very much the same. I'm very strong in that I still get on with everything I have to do. I make myself go out, I force myself to get up and cook the dinner, I force myself to play with my son. It's just sometimes, I feel much more panicky on the inside than normal..and sometimes I just want to go lay down upstairs and hide but I never actually do. I'm having a hard time learning to just let go of the thought of how I feel. I constantly assess myself, it's become habit and because I am a stay at home mum, I'm bored quite a lot so it really is the only thing that consumes my mind. I'm looking forward to getting back to work because being at home is not helping me move on.

[phil6]

Rachykins
I have asked the same question on this forum.
I have not decided yet if crying is setting me back or not. I empathise totally with your story and it is exactly what I do. I find myself forcing myself not to avoid anything but often there are days when the urge to cry becomes very strong.
I discussed this with a therapist and although there is nothing wrong with crying, I am also aware that it can become a habit and a means of finding some temporary relief.
When I am accepting, or trying to, the anxiety often seems to stay all day and this can lead you to start looking for a rest from the constant rumination.
If you are like me, a good cry can bring a little relief, but it also knocks the confidence and feels like a step backwards. It can become another safety behaviour.
I am now trying not to follow this urge, but I have to say it is a strong emotion when it comes. But I think I am proving that it does pass like most other feelings if you stop worrying about it so much. I am hoping that not allowing myself into the habit of regular crying will restore a bit of normality back and give me a little more confidence that I am recovering.
Please don't be too hard on yourself. I know that when the anxiety huts, it is hard to resist.
Phil

[xrachykinsx]

Thanks Phil. I am very very similar to you in regards to battling the anxiety. I think I'm doing a really brave thing and I try to do everything you are supposed to in order to accept but sometimes perhaps I'm just trying too hard? The problem is...it is LITERALLY the only thing that is on my mind all day everyday... it's become habit to think about it and until I have some kind of major distraction I really think it's how it's going to be. I very rarely give in and cry but I did yesterday. I had a proper sob to my husband about it and I did feel only very slightly better for about half hour and then I felt a bit rotten because I had felt sad enough to cry about it. I do take the mindset ''ah I feel awful...oh well, nothing I can do about it' but it's so hard at times :/

[phil6]

Xrachykinsx
Yes, distraction is hard for me... I am male and retired now and I find myself just unable to sit still for fear of the thinking. I walk the dog and think, I go to the gym and think, I swim and think, I ride my bike and think, it's almost an obsession.
Mindfullness meditation has helped me recognise when I am off on my anxious rumination but it is as if my mind is so attracted to working it out.
Sometimes I am able to remember that I just need to stop worrying about the way I feel and keep it as simple as that. That helps.
Also when the anxiety subsides I just drop the subject, and it's easy.
I think we all get stuck in the same cycle. It's what we humans do.
I know it's also not right to drink to get a break, but I am having a glass of wine today, sod it.
I could have easily broke down today, but carried on, so it is possible, just hard.
Only you know if the crying is to feel better. If it is then it may be just like avoidance. I think it is right to cry if that is a valid emotion, grief, sad story etc, but if it's a method of trying to rid yourself of anxiety then it is just a temporary fix, and as the feeling return so does the crying.
Phil

[xrachykinsx]

I just can't wait to wake up in the morning, get up and just get on with everything without even giving it a thought. My mum told me the other day to 'just stop thinking about it' which is the most ridiculous statement ever...that IS the problem.. lol

---------- Post added at 17:43 ---------- Previous post was at 17:39 ----------

I should add.. I have dealt with quite a huge life change whilst I've been poorly...I ditched all my original friends because I found that they were not true friends. I'm partly glad I did...but I'm also partly worried because as a young mum- I feel like I may have just isolated myself further...but the other part of me insists that I did the right thing for me..as I wasn't surrounding myself with people that lifted me up if that makes sense...so it naturally has made my anxiety about the 'future' worse

[phil6]

You sound like a very strong young mum.
Yes, it would be nice to turn off the non stop mind chatter, but we cannot. The best we can do is to treat them as just thoughts... Not usually carrying any useful or helpful message.
Acceptance is the opposite of control and that's what I find myself doing all day long... Trying in some way or other to change the way I feel. As an old fart, I can tell you I have spent many periods in my life trying to, and never ever succeeded or found an answer.
Maybe keep remembering that it's ok to feel anxious or down for now and just try and be with it. You don't have to like it and I don't blame you for wishing it will go away, but realising that you can't think it away takes a load off.
Phil

---------- Post added at 18:01 ---------- Previous post was at 17:53 ----------

Just one more fact, as the glass of wine has it's temporary effect....
All the thinking and trying to navigate through the day in my head has again dawned on me as a complete waiste of effort....as normal. Do we never learn.

[xrachykinsx]

Thanks Phil, you're very kind and offer wise words. I so hope you find relief because you deserve it, you're so kind taking the time to reply to others in need and at times you must feel much like me...trying to help everyone else but forgetting to help yourself!! You're right about the acceptance and control thing.. I think if I was honest...I'm more trying to control my feelings too..which just leads to more anxiety but at the same time if I was to accept that I feel absolutely awful...I'd just hide away allday..so it's like I can't win. Heres to hoping getting a job will get me out of this cycle x

[phil6]

Xrachykinsx
Thanks, yes I wish I could follow my own advise.
Acceptance doesn't mean withdrawing, or putting up with. It's doing exactly what you are doing.... Carrying on with normal life. But doing it without worrying about how you are feeling.
We all know how hard that is, since anxiety is designed to be scary and to stop you from doing things. It is hard to carry on as normal when your anxious mind is screaming STOP! I will keep you safe.... !
Learning to allow yourself to keep moving forward despite this false message in as relaxed a way as you can manage is fantastic.
P.s. You can tell I have had wine now!

[xrachykinsx]

Thanks, you're a top person to speak to when feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all! I certainly am just moving forward despite how I feel...it's just trying to break the cycle of thoughts that's the hardest bit..once I tackle that, I won't feel anxious anymore.

[phil6]

Flattery a always appreciated lol.
The wine is wearing off now...back to the thinking! Aaugh!

[xrachykinsx]

Ohh noo :( how very tempting to have another drink! lol

[MyNameIsTerry]

The way I see is that crying is something everyone does and to not do it, would be irrational. Think of it from another angle, once you get better you want to be able to cry if you need to or wouldn't that make you out of touch with your emotions?

I liken it to talking to others about your issues. This often provides relief, although not always, but if you start to use it rather than let it happen naturally (& healthily) it becomes a 'safety behaviour' and we know, our safety behaviours can be useful at first but we eventually have to break them to get better.

So, it's healthy to cry and talk, but let it come to you rather than you search for it. That way, it doesn't so much become a habit.

I agree with the stages & cycles of anxiety & depression. I'm much better than I was but I'm still going through this. For instance, I had 10 weeks leading up to Xmas where I was constantly fatigued & suffering headaches, whether I was anxious or not. This has gone now and I have returned to my cycle of X days better vs X days bad.

Over time I have also noticed that my bad periods have greatly reduced n duration and quite a bit in intensity. When I started at rock bottom it was 3 weeks bad to 1 week OK, then after so many months it became 2 weeks each way, then it became 10 bad days and the OK days included better days, then it went to 8 bad days, then to 4-5 bad days and now it's at 2-3 bad days. The only difference is that the 4-5 & 2-3 can recycle within the same 4 week period and at times I've had 2 bad days a week for a short spell.

It's all stages & cycles to me. Sometimes we get worse again, but we get through them and keep working on things.

It's hard for people who haven't felt this to understand what it feels like Rach. People who haven't liken their anxious & low mood days to it but those are nothing like ours in intensity & impact. It's like comparing a sprained ankle to a broken one. Unless you have had a broken one, you don't know what it feels like.

[xrachykinsx]

Thanks Terry. You see, I know that I have improved, its just even though I'm getting on with everything it sometimes feels like you're existing rather than living. Like I'm not at peace with myself but its true that the more I force myself to be good...the less likely it is to happen. It tends to be my mornings that I struggle with...if I have a shakey morning then it takes me ages to take hold of it and get on.

[sophrbk]

Just thought I'd say, I wouldn't worry about wanting to sit and have a massive cry. Sometimes you need to! I think it's part of the healing process and I found that the time I spent prior to admitting I had a problem, when I held it all in and didn't talk to anyone or let feelings out, that held me back more.

I think having a big cry is part of accepting the way you feel and makes it easier to pick up from. I had a huge panic attack last night after trying really hard all day to control my intrusive thoughts and anxiety and felt a lot better afterwards!

[phil6]

Hi all,
Well maybe I had this thread in mind last night.. I woke in the dark and looked at the clock... 3am.
Now I try and get back to sleep, but with an uneasy feeling that if I think the wrong things now, I will kick start the anxiety. Well there you go... The fealing of doom and dread flows, and it is the one feeling that frightens me. For me it's not a real panic attack. It's a feeling of being frightened, home sick, lost, in danger, in my own home in my own bed. So I try not to take it too seriously and add not add fear to the feelings, but it starts the ruminations. All the things I suddenly think I can no longer do. And my habit if trying to think positive, or not think at all or think right, round and round...All impossible when my gut is knotted up. I then start breathing exercises.. Anything to rid the anxiety... But it's all thinking and trying and not accepting.
So after lying for 2 hours, getting nowhere, I let go and blub. It's not pretty and it's not getting me anywhere.. As a result I still fear this feeling and I haven't moved foreward. It was a setback that was not successfully handled in my mind.
I need to pass through these spells without the despairing reaction. Then at least I can gain a bit of confidence that I am bigger that IT!
Maybe next time!
Phil

[inCOGnito]

Acceptance isn't about changing a negative experience into a positive one.

Acceptance is about accepting your experience, whatever that is, in the moment. How could you accept something yet demand it to be different at the same time?

So it's perfectly ok to cry, and if that's what the life situation is in that moment then accept that too. Accept that you have negative moments, emotions, and experiences. Crying, getting fed up, getting angry, these things happen, you accept that too.

:)

[phil6]

Thanks Incognito
You are as always spot on.
I am not altogether happy with the crying bit because if I simply accepted the feelings then I would get myself in such a state where I needed to cry.
For me, it is the fighting, and struggling that leads to the despair and crying.
I have been able to feel the dread at times and stay with it, without worrying too much about it and then there is no despair, just discomfort... Even if it is very uncomfortable.
But I do take the point that if I do get dragged down by it and I fail, then I should also accept this and move on.
Phil

[xrachykinsx]

Thanks for all your further replies :) I've had a pretty good day today. So my bad days only lasted 2days so far..which is quite good going, because I normally expect to feel bad for a week once I dip... but hey...there's always tomorrow! lol

I have felt quite settled in just doing things around the house, without really giving my anxiety an awful lot of thought- I've ocasionally questioned 'wheres my anxiety' but it's never escalated to a full blown mind race that I normally get. I very rarely cry, but I have had ocasions recently where I've felt so overwhelmed by the struggle and constant battering from my mind that I have felt like I needed to cry because I'm so upset by how I am...but I rarely cry, I just embrace the feeling and watch something on tv like big bang theory.. that always takes my mind away from everything lol So sorry to hear you had a bad night Phil :( x