halfwayhome
04-12-06, 06:15
I don't know what to do anymore.
Over the past few days, my anxiety has reached a new level. I'm constantly in a state of panic.. until I tire myself out and then it's just a horrible sense of general anxiety.. my stomach is constantly churning, I'm barely eating, barely sleeping and when I do it's for an hor at a time, maybe. All I think about is a brain tumor. I'm missing things, cancelling plans, hiding from the world except my boyfriend who I am slowly torturing by driving him totally crazy with my anxiety.
The only symptom that could be a brain tumor that I have is a sense of muscle weakness or tension on one side of the body. I'm not sure if the muscles are ACTUALLY weak or if they just FEEL weak, but it's something. And they're definitely more tense on the right side than the left side. My right eye also feels funny and sometimes the right side of my face and my entire chin and lips feel numb.
Everyone thinks I'm completely nuts. And I try to tell them that I can see where they're coming from but at the same time, it's not like I just have a headache and am assuming THATS a brain tumor - I have muscle weirdness on one side of my body. THat's not a common symptom.
The doctor at the ER where I went said it's stress, and anxiety but I don't see how that's possible. I don't know what to do, but I know I can't keep living the way I'm living right now.
I can't go see my psychaitrist, because he's out of town. I can't go to another doctor for a third opinion because I'm too terrified. I can't just 'get over it', because it doesn't work like that. I can't keep doing things the way I'm doing them now because I just can't keep living like this.
I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I'm crying as I write this, and I don't know what to do. All I can think of is "I have a tumor and I am going to die."
I don't want to die.
“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”
xoxox
Over the past few days, my anxiety has reached a new level. I'm constantly in a state of panic.. until I tire myself out and then it's just a horrible sense of general anxiety.. my stomach is constantly churning, I'm barely eating, barely sleeping and when I do it's for an hor at a time, maybe. All I think about is a brain tumor. I'm missing things, cancelling plans, hiding from the world except my boyfriend who I am slowly torturing by driving him totally crazy with my anxiety.
The only symptom that could be a brain tumor that I have is a sense of muscle weakness or tension on one side of the body. I'm not sure if the muscles are ACTUALLY weak or if they just FEEL weak, but it's something. And they're definitely more tense on the right side than the left side. My right eye also feels funny and sometimes the right side of my face and my entire chin and lips feel numb.
Everyone thinks I'm completely nuts. And I try to tell them that I can see where they're coming from but at the same time, it's not like I just have a headache and am assuming THATS a brain tumor - I have muscle weirdness on one side of my body. THat's not a common symptom.
The doctor at the ER where I went said it's stress, and anxiety but I don't see how that's possible. I don't know what to do, but I know I can't keep living the way I'm living right now.
I can't go see my psychaitrist, because he's out of town. I can't go to another doctor for a third opinion because I'm too terrified. I can't just 'get over it', because it doesn't work like that. I can't keep doing things the way I'm doing them now because I just can't keep living like this.
I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I'm crying as I write this, and I don't know what to do. All I can think of is "I have a tumor and I am going to die."
I don't want to die.
“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”
xoxox