Should we just accept that our fears are part of life?

[Catherine S]

Why do we all feel the need to get rid of our fears so completely? What I mean is that perhaps we should accept that some fears are just part of life and in trying to eliminate them completely is like chasing the Holy Grail...the solution cannot be found. So is the answer then that we have to find ways of coping with the fears rather than trying so hard to ignore them?

ISB :shrug:

[Ryan92]

Hi, yes absolutely :) I learnt from CBT that if we are not willing to feel anxiety, we will.

This might explain a little better

http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/AcceptingAnxiety.pdf

[MyNameIsTerry]

Fear & anxiety are part of being human. So, we can't remove them completely without changing what we actually are in the process. So, aside from Hollywood stortlines, it won't happen.

If it's to an unacceptable level, then yes I think we should be able to wind it back to before that point since we weren't born this way. We may have genetic tendencies but it still required an 'activator' of some type.

It's just that our schemas (beliefs) have altered to anxious ones so we are rejecting feeling they way a non anxious person does. We need to change those schemas to eliminate the unacceptable levels of fear & anxiety. Whether we can do this, who knows, I think thats down to the individual, I think we are all capable.

Undoing schemas is hard. It's the same as changing the opinions of others on a subject and sometimes some people just can't make the leap. It doesn't mean that they can't leatn to cope or compromise on it though...if they want to.

Crikey, thats heavy ISB! :flowers:

[Catherine S]

Ahh, but...I'm convinced I was born with fears Terry, or at least with fear tendencies. My mum says that even as a young child I had fears, they apparently called it being 'highly strung' in those days and this is my point you see...are some fears with us forever?

[Cheesemonster13]

Definitely, and not just fears, all the other "negative" feelings. I find I cannot fight them and if I try it just triggers all my symptoms of anxiety, which makes sense when you think about it.

I have accepted that I have to feel them, but it doesn't mean I have to like experiencing them. Now I'm just letting them wash over me, and coming to terms with the fact that I am frightened of being frightened.

Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones doesn't work for me; I know I'm lying to myself, so it makes me uncomfortable and anxious. The best I can do is change the negative ones to neutral ones, as those I can accept. For instance, instead of calling myself a coward for feeling frightened over nothing, I tell myself it is natural and understandable for me to react that way - I am an animal who will respond the same, whether the danger is real or imagined.

The only thing than I can and am changing, are my actions or behaviour. Now I expose myself to situations that trigger negative emotions, in order to desensitise myself and to allow myself to live rather than just exist.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Well one thing that is certain is that medical science has a range of theories and none have been proved above the other.

Genetics are on that list.

The problem is, how do we determine what is a childhood fear and what is really this? I had fears as a child but I didn't develop anxiety until I was 31. I was happy before that and it was a constant stressful workload that caused this in me, but did I have a genetic predisposition...I don't know.

The thing is though, can you say that the way you fear things now is how you did at 6 or 10 or 16, etc? If not, then that proves that you can at the very least wind it back becomes it's in some way learned or intensified by another factor.

I also think we need to be watching what happens with neuroplasticity. This has already proved that brain maturity is flawed and that we can still change or brains throughout our lives. So, if this can prove we can reprogramme our ability to access our fear center or the other amygdala that doesn't associate with fear, can maybe we can stop accessing the fear and access the happy part more.

I guess it depends what your fears were as a child. If you can identify a pattern that relates to real anxiety disorder symptoms, thinking, etc, then maybe you developed it early or were predisposed to it?

[Catherine S]

A good post Cheesemonster, especially the bit about knowing you're lying to yourself, I can relate to that.

Terry, I think my fears..or phobias.. have changed with age and life experiences, as in the awful things you read about that happen, things that didn't happen when I was a child, but my reaction to those fears stay the same. During a panic attack I still want to shout out and run...which I have done many times from a packed train...rushed off at the next stop, or not even boarded if full when it pulls into the station! So that reaction is still quite child-like, and makes me feel silly after its calmed down, and i know that it will...but my body just takes over automatically at the time, so in this way I kind of think that my claustrophobia will be with me always...its already been quite some years now!

What Ive learned to do is think about it as a different part of my persona...I mean I wouldn't give it a name or anything lol! but just that i'm not a perfect person and shouldn't expect everything in my life to be perfect, so that there are time when this other part of me takes over for a while and having these phobias is part of what makes me who I am.

And sometimes you've just got to laugh at yourself...I mean it must be hysterical for anyone watching my antics while in panic mode :D My kids have grown up with my phobias, and say things like "Just been on the tube in London..you'd have hated it mum!" :ohmy:

The sheer energy it takes trying to stay calm when I can feel a panic coming on is exhausting and seldom stops it so then i just look like an hysterical woman who talks to herself! So I feel that maybe I have to accept that its not going away and react to my fears the way my body wants to react to them...who am I to argue :shrug:

There'll be another train along in a little while!
ISB

[SarahH]

Ahh, but...I'm convinced I was born with fears Terry, or at least with fear tendencies. My mum says that even as a young child I had fears, they apparently called it being 'highly strung' in those days and this is my point you see...are some fears with us forever?


Yes!!! I was exactly the same... as a small child I was up and down with my moods..laughing hysterically one minute then sobbing my heart out to The Walton the next (I am old)........I have had two psychiatrists tell me that some people have a propensity to anxiety/depression
....and I certainly did. So form many years of therapy I have learnt about myself and accepted that this is who I am..... so I deal with it.

Sarah

PS....I quite like me:yesyes:

[Rennie1989]

Without fear we would die, simple as that. We would not have the instincts to get out of danger's path or protect others. As a race we'd cease to exist.

I'm not sure if I'm convinced that people experience more fear or anxiety than others, but we are not equipped to tackle that anxiety. We must remember that people who do not suffer from an anxiety disorder still feel anxious. My husband was fretting over his theory test and acted as I would. I believe the ability to tackle anxiety, or the loss of ability, comes from our childhood, lifestyle (exercise, diet and work), attitude to life and whether said person experienced a trauma. Genetics may play a part in whether we develop a mental illness (and I'm talking about anxiety being a chronic illness) but anxiety itself is not.

I'm not saying that the above is true, as it is only what I think. I'm likely to change that again after more reading.

[I'mdave27]

Removing fear completely is like trying to stop thinking completely... impossible ! Yes , I agree if it's to a large degree you have lots of fear it's possible something is wrong with you. However , I think you should work out why you have that fear in the first place and why does it matter if it happens as doctor pepper says , 'what's the worst that can happen' ok the very thing you fear will happen but you'll get over it if you've lived with the fear and anxiety of thinking about it i'm sure you can handle it happening , as you'll know what to expect. Without fear you are simply a robot going through the motions of life and where is the fun in that ? Isn't it fear that reminds you what you do or don't want in life ? A great friend of mine who Is a Hindu always tells me , 'if it happens it was supposed to happen' and I have learnt to live that view

[SarahH]

Ahh, but...I'm convinced I was born with fears Terry, or at least with fear tendencies. My mum says that even as a young child I had fears, they apparently called it being 'highly strung' in those days and this is my point you see...are some fears with us forever?


totally agree with this... I was exactly the same

Sarah

[aprilmoon]

Toothache and other pain can be a part of life too,doesn't mean I have to put up with it if I don't have to.Life's too short.
I don't mean turn yourself into a numb zombie,just that you don't get medals either.

[I'mdave27]

Well aprilmoon that's what I was saying you don't have to put up with pain you the first step to healing is acknowledging you have pain , finding out why you have pain and what's the cause of it , then you see if you can eliminate it but first you must accept that you have pain

[Catherine S]

Who's asking for medals? Only that maybe we can't expect to take anxiety away completely so there possibly has to be some kind of acceptance of it, that its part of life. I take meds..beta blockers, fortunately I no longer have to take the serious ones, and without these i'd be much worse than I am, so I don't suffer the symptoms I do still get unnecessarily. Its not about being a martyr to anxiety, its about finding our own way to accept it and cope with it.

[aprilmoon]

I think we're all actually on the same page.
I accept that its all part of life,I just meant that we don't have to suffer unnecessarily, that's all. :)

[Catherine S]

Presactly aprilmoon lol!

[aprilmoon]

Mind you,if there are any medals going,I'll have one! :yes

[blueangel]

Agree with ISB - if none of us have fears and/or anxiety, we would all end up dead quite quickly as there would be nothing to stop us constantly putting ourselves in danger.

It's like that odd neurological syndrom where occasionally, children are born who can't feel pain. As a consequence of this, they suffer terrible injuries without realising and don't have a great life expectancy. And because they can't feel pain, they have no fear of anything. We need to have fear and anxiety in our brain's toolboxes, so it's about accepting that both are natural and coping with them.