Fishmanpa
18-04-14, 03:55
My sister called me last week. Our parents are divorced and remarried for close to 30 years now and both have been quite ill and in the hospital. My sister is at wits end. Her anxiety is giving her fits. She called asking for my help as she's really struggling.
For me it's a challenge. A 4-5 hour trip is physically difficult for me due to my recovery from cancer. I typically work an 8 hour day, come home, grab a bite to eat and I'm in bed and asleep before 10pm. Fatigue is still one of the most difficult aspects of recovery. So my fiance' and I packed up, cat included, and drove 4.5 hours. I was toast by the time we got here. I slept badly as did she. The cat was restless as well.
I haven't seen my parents in over a year as treatment and recovery kept me from doing so. We visited my Mom for a while. It was very difficult. She's not in the best of shape having taken a fall 4 weeks ago. Her bloods were whacked and she had to have a transfusion to stabilize her. We were there when the medical team (physical and occupational therapists, nurses, doctors etc.) went over her case. She wants to go home so bad but she's no where near self sufficient enough to do so.
My mother has always had issues. Anxiety, depression and other psychological challenges. I recall her always being a bit "off" growing up. Now, I see it first hand as she struggles with anxiety. I see the fear, the uncertainty, the self doubt and the physical and mental effect is has on her. I could see it growing as the team spoke about her progress. Logically she does see the big picture but emotionally the anxiety cripples her. It tore me up seeing her this way :( I didn't know how seriously ill she was until today and the effects are obvious.
She refuses to take meds for anxiety which hinders her recovery physically. I begged her to ask for something to help her nerves but she's a stubborn old gal... I know where I get that trait from.
My father has been very ill for the last year and a half too. Medical issues, physical challenges and the like. We saw him today in rehab and he's actually doing well. He's never been one to get anxious and rather just goes with the flow but I see the frustration in losing some of his independence.
When you see your parents in such vulnerable situations, the reality of the inevitable becomes evident. My sister and I spoke about arranging help for my mother and her husband when she's discharged. Fortunately her husband is in a position financially to do so. They just can't do things on their own. Simple tasks like bathing, dressing and walking are a challenge. My father and his wife face the same dilemma but aren't as fortunate financially. My father's wife suffers terribly with anxiety and I saw it today while visiting her. She's at her limit emotionally and physically as she's not well either.
It's been a very stressful time for me as I'm not in a position to help as much as I would like. My fiance' may stay here for a week to help my sister. My parents adore her and it will be a good thing for everyone. And then there's me. I'm struggling with all this. Sleeping is difficult. I worry about them. I feel somewhat helpless and sad that my sister bears the brunt of the responsibility with me living so far away and my physical condition limiting how much I can do. With the long drive, lack of sleep and a very long day dealing with the realities of my parents conditions I'm burnt. Totally physically and emotionally drained.
On a positive, the CBT techniques in challenging the negative thoughts has paid dividends in projecting rationality and positive energy to my parents and seeing me managing things with strength and confidence gives them peace of mind....
Thanks for allowing me to ramble. I don't know what purpose this post serves other than perhaps a catharsis for me. Just writing about it helps. Now it's off to try and get some rest and strength for tomorrow.
Positive thoughts
For me it's a challenge. A 4-5 hour trip is physically difficult for me due to my recovery from cancer. I typically work an 8 hour day, come home, grab a bite to eat and I'm in bed and asleep before 10pm. Fatigue is still one of the most difficult aspects of recovery. So my fiance' and I packed up, cat included, and drove 4.5 hours. I was toast by the time we got here. I slept badly as did she. The cat was restless as well.
I haven't seen my parents in over a year as treatment and recovery kept me from doing so. We visited my Mom for a while. It was very difficult. She's not in the best of shape having taken a fall 4 weeks ago. Her bloods were whacked and she had to have a transfusion to stabilize her. We were there when the medical team (physical and occupational therapists, nurses, doctors etc.) went over her case. She wants to go home so bad but she's no where near self sufficient enough to do so.
My mother has always had issues. Anxiety, depression and other psychological challenges. I recall her always being a bit "off" growing up. Now, I see it first hand as she struggles with anxiety. I see the fear, the uncertainty, the self doubt and the physical and mental effect is has on her. I could see it growing as the team spoke about her progress. Logically she does see the big picture but emotionally the anxiety cripples her. It tore me up seeing her this way :( I didn't know how seriously ill she was until today and the effects are obvious.
She refuses to take meds for anxiety which hinders her recovery physically. I begged her to ask for something to help her nerves but she's a stubborn old gal... I know where I get that trait from.
My father has been very ill for the last year and a half too. Medical issues, physical challenges and the like. We saw him today in rehab and he's actually doing well. He's never been one to get anxious and rather just goes with the flow but I see the frustration in losing some of his independence.
When you see your parents in such vulnerable situations, the reality of the inevitable becomes evident. My sister and I spoke about arranging help for my mother and her husband when she's discharged. Fortunately her husband is in a position financially to do so. They just can't do things on their own. Simple tasks like bathing, dressing and walking are a challenge. My father and his wife face the same dilemma but aren't as fortunate financially. My father's wife suffers terribly with anxiety and I saw it today while visiting her. She's at her limit emotionally and physically as she's not well either.
It's been a very stressful time for me as I'm not in a position to help as much as I would like. My fiance' may stay here for a week to help my sister. My parents adore her and it will be a good thing for everyone. And then there's me. I'm struggling with all this. Sleeping is difficult. I worry about them. I feel somewhat helpless and sad that my sister bears the brunt of the responsibility with me living so far away and my physical condition limiting how much I can do. With the long drive, lack of sleep and a very long day dealing with the realities of my parents conditions I'm burnt. Totally physically and emotionally drained.
On a positive, the CBT techniques in challenging the negative thoughts has paid dividends in projecting rationality and positive energy to my parents and seeing me managing things with strength and confidence gives them peace of mind....
Thanks for allowing me to ramble. I don't know what purpose this post serves other than perhaps a catharsis for me. Just writing about it helps. Now it's off to try and get some rest and strength for tomorrow.
Positive thoughts