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axaxia
18-04-14, 05:13
Hi! My name is Ami and today was a breakthrough day for me - I hadn't left the house in about 3 weeks and today I was able to go for a short walk and run some errands. I am hoping to do the same tomorrow and work through these "exposure sessions" to get used to anxious sensations. I have a concert on Sunday that I hope I will be able to attend. I'll be looking out for any tips and hopefully tomorrow will be as successful as today.

MyNameIsTerry
18-04-14, 05:22
Well done Ami, thats must have been an incredibly difficult step to take.

You've got the right idea, keep pushing the boundaries, it's all micro steps to a larger goal. Don't overwhelm yourself with large goals, edge towards them bit by bit.

It's important to remember with anxiety that we sometimes have setbacks and blips so if you experience these, don't let them win, just go back to your plan and keep going, even if you have to revisit an earlier step to build back up.

Are you having therapy for this?

It can be useful to write down a hierarchy of the things that you need to expose yourself to and it's best to have ones that could provoke a range of anxious issues, if thats possible. Then you rate them 0-100 and start working against them, even if it's micro steps so 'a plan within a plan'. After you do one, write down how you felt & what you believe now and rate it 0-100 again. You should be this score decreasing so you have a visual aid to track your progress and your written thoughts will show give you something positive to review...especially if you get a setback.

Keep going, you will get there!

axaxia
18-04-14, 05:33
Thank you for your reply! I haven't started therapy yet but I will soon. I do have some anxiety tablets that I take, and they help with the exposure. I am trying to go little by little, today I went two blocks away from my house, tomorrow I will try to go further and to go into a shop. I think writing down things and rating them is a good idea. Mainly I am struggling with accepting the feelings of anxiety - as soon as I feel anxious I get upset and like I have to return to my safe place right away - it is very difficult for me to endure the sensations. I used to be able to, but I started experiencing anxiety in more and more places and that shook my confidence, but I am trying to build it up again. It is very difficult to not be discouraged.

MyNameIsTerry
18-04-14, 05:45
The fact that you are doing this without any guidance makes it even braver.

Have a look at this because it explains a lot about panic and Agoraphobia. This is from the UK's National Health Service (NHS) so it's a trusted guide.

http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/pdfGuides/Panic.pdf

There are examples of how to use a Thought Diary to track and challenge your thoughts about different situations.

There is a useful section on negative thoughts and how to challenge them.

The hierarchy I mentioned above for establishing an order to tackle your problems is also in here.

Exposure is about being able to tolerate it and as time goes by, the anxiety loses it's power. It's called habituation. there is a chart in there that shows how anxiety & panic peaks at first but as you stay in the situation, it declines. I've also been shown one that shows it increasing again but to a lesser intensity, possibly because you leave one situation and enter another e.g. exposed to a supermarket for an hour but now you are changing shops.

Good luck, you are doing really well.

RoseEve
19-04-14, 01:29
Great job! You are already on a good path :) :welcome:

axaxia
21-04-14, 04:27
thank you for the encouragement and resources. i was able to go to a shop alone, ride in a taxi to and from a friends house and go to the atm with experiencing little to no anxiety. today, however, i was unable to go to the concert i wanted to attend. i had taken more medication than usual (pills to help me calm down) and was still feeling very anxious and upset. a friend came over to try and help me go out but i felt uneasy. they stayed with me and thankfully my friends were understanding about my missing the concert. i am trying to not let this affect me as a step back even though it is disappointing to not have been able to go

i've started keeping a journal with a 1 - 10 scale for my anxiety and every time i complete an activity that gives me anxiety i later write down how much anxiety i felt. i have been keeping to low numbers.

i hope it is okay to treat this forum as a sort of anxiety diary!

MyNameIsTerry
21-04-14, 05:25
Absolutely, I'm sure many people would really appreciate seeing your progress. It's encouraging and gives practical examples.

You could also write down your thoughts about the activity before and then agian afterwards. Perhaps what you write down afterwards will then help you to understand the reality rather than the irrational thoughts based on fear? This can help the subconscious get used to what really does happen as opposed to what it thinks will happen.

I've read before that with agoraphobia, it helps to have a wide range of things that could spark different emotions or levels of fear so that you can get used to all different types of situations.

So, you've got some positives in there because you have challenged more of your fears. Don't be too hard on yourself about the concert. Thats seems like a big step and at this point, you may not be ready.

Big goals can be overwhelming and they can put more pressure on you that can impact other areas or goals in your life. Use micro goals and over time they will build you to a point where you feel ready for a leap or find yourself close to that big goal anyway.

It's really good that you have such supportive friends, it's hard for people to understand how anxiety feels, it's just as debilitating as physical problems/injuries but I think most people try to relate to it by thinking how they feel when they are fearful e.g. dentists, dark alleys, someone threatening them, etc but it's far worse than that and it can be about simple everyday things and none of us want to feel like this.

Keep up the good work.

axaxia
26-04-14, 02:24
I've been trying to go into therapy but it has been hard to coordinate sessions. I've been to a shop but turned down invitations to go to a friends house. It is very difficult to manage both the anxiety and depression - I get anxious to go out, and I get depressed when I can't. For example, I would love to be able to visit my boyfriend's house on weekends, and used to be able to go, even managing anxiety, but I'm at a point where I can't even go more than a few short blocks from my house. It's very upsetting and makes me sad.

flossie
26-04-14, 07:00
Don't be sad about the things you can't do. Turn your thoughts around and be pleased with yourself about what you can do. Accept that there are things that you are unable to do at this time. Don't beat yourself up about it. Concentrate on the things you have achieved. Keep your thinking positive and this will motivate you to keep moving forward. Going to your boyfriends house is for further down the line in recovery and is on your list of goals for the future. Don't worry about it, it will happen in it's own time. Take your recovery small steps at a time.
If you can't get as far today as you did yesterday don't get despondent. We get very tired pushing ourselves to keep doing more and it is OK to have quiet days and a day off.
Do you practise relaxation techniques? You may find it helpful and it's worth trying.
Don't set your daily goals too high as you will feel disappointed when you can't make them. Small steps at a time to build your confidence and don't be in a rush to pack in as much as possible. You will just get tired out which will make your anxiety worse.
You are doing brilliantly. Well done.

axaxia
10-05-14, 23:33
I realize that it is important to set small goals. Lately I have been able to go to the shop nearby and to an atm nearby with little to no anxiety. I am also able to go on short walks. One thing that is making me anxious is my dad is visiting - there are certain things I don't want to talk about with him & he is very anxious about my anxiety (he wants me to not have anxiety - i'm not at that point yet) So now I have to go to the movie theater with him in a while - and while the movie theater is a goal I have wanted to accomplish, and it seems doable, my dad's presence is giving me more anxiety than the movie itself. I am taking my medication and will see how I feel in a while. Hopefully I am able to focus on the movie and not on him and that will be easier.
I still haven't been able to go to a therapy session - I had one set for this past week but was unable to go. I am going to try to set up another session soon.

I wish I could use the chat room on this board - unfortunately Java blocks it due to some security setting.

Thank you for your replies, they help.

axaxia
01-06-14, 16:01
I'm kind of stuck in a rut. I can go to the laundry shop across the street and to a small supermarket on the same block but I still struggle with going to the ATM machine two blocks away. I have to run some errands this week that I am worried about completing since they are further away and in-person. I have, however, scheduled a therapist appointment that I plan to keep.
I get very sad about not being able to go out. I didn't have a very social adolescence and I've haven't dedicated myself to one University yet so it hasn't been easy for me to make friends or go out and have a bunch of experiences. So now not being able to go out because of anxiety makes that sadness worse, like I'm falling further behind (even though I know it's not a competition, I want those experiences because I think they are fun) and that time keeps passing and I keep missing out on opportunities. I know that anxiety is a temporary thing that can be dealt with but I still feel this way.

flossie
04-06-14, 16:49
Hi. You are falling into the trap of dwelling on what you can't do. It's this negative thinking that brings us all down. It becomes a habit that can be so difficult to break.
Don't worry about what you can't do. Do the best that you can manage each day and be proud of yourself for doing it. You will get to the ATM. Break the journey there down into smaller goals, for example lamp post number 2, the corner of the street, cross over the road etc. Then practise going to the first goal until you become more comfortable before working toward the next stage. You will become more used to the walk there without putting the pressure on yourself to actually reach the ATM each time. It really is all about putting in the work and practise practise practise.
We all have blips when we seem to fall back in our progress. That's all it is, a blip.
Good luck with the therapist.

axaxia
10-06-14, 16:38
That is good advice, thank you. I realize that it is important to practice and be positive. However it is hard when I feel like I am under a lot of pressure. For example, I have to go to the ATM because I have to pay some bills this week - but I don't feel confident in going to the ATM, and even less in going to the shop to pay the bills. But the deadline and the feeling of responsibility puts more pressure on me and it takes away all energy and desire to go out. I have a birthday party that I am going to try to attend today to see if tomorrow I can go to the ATM.