Nearly 25 and still living with my parents...

[GirlAfraid23]

I turn 25 in June...I am still living with my parents at home.
Everything has gone wrong for me in the last few months...my long term boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me, we were planning on moving out together...I have all the stuff still in my cupboards...it's very tragic to be honest.

Anyway, I now can't afford to move out by myself to rent or buy...I only have a part time job and that pays a pittance, I guess I could get help from benefits or something but I'm unsure I am eligible. I lived on my own for two years when I was at university, living in London so I know I can do it, but it will be very! very hard by myself.

I don't see a way out of this in the near future...even if I met someone in the next few months, you can't move in right away and I'm not sure I would want to so soon.
I have an image of me still living with my parents at home when I am 27 or 28 and that idea fills me with dread. As much as I love my family, I need my own space and living with a stranger or doing a house share sets my anxieties off.
I am also unsure what path to take career wise, as if I had a better paid job, I could maybe afford to move out by myself....it's so difficult.

Is anyone else in a similar situation?
My anxieties are at an all time peak at the moment as I don't know what to do.

[Rennie1989]

Without sounding harsh but please don't move out and expect benefits to pay what you can't. If you want to move out then you'll have to get a full time job. My husband and I pay our way in this world and it frustrates me when healthy and competant people abuse the benefit system because it is there for people who really do need it (i.e. being made redundant, losing work, ill health etc).

In saying that getting a full time job, which will afford you to live, will build up your confidence. If you alone cannot afford all the bills with a full time job then suggest moving in with a friend or find a flatmate. It's not as bad as the horror stories suggest, I lived with four other student nurses during my training and as long as house keeping rules are laid out then you can't go wrong.

Don't beat yourself up because you're still with your parents. My friend is 25 soon and still lives with her parents, she sees her boyfriend and his kids when ever she can. My ex was 28 and living with his parents as far as I was aware, I believe he was saving for his own place. My uncle was almost 40 before he moved out and managed to save enough for himself and his now wife to buy a property. Instead of seeing this as a imprisonment, use the opportunity to save up for a rent deposit, a house deposit or whatever else.

[Magic]

Girl Afraid, You are not alone in this situation. I know people who have their grown up children still living with them and they are in their thirties.
I am sorry about the breakup of your relationship.
There will be someone out there for you.:hugs:

[wabbit1]

Sorry about your relationship breaking up, it must've been really tough.

I don't think you should focus on moving out, there is nothing wrong with still living with your parents. All 3 of my brothers live at home and the oldest will be 29 next month.

[MSWorry]

You sound as though you have a lot on your plate, sorry for the loss of your relationship. I do believe everything happens for a reason and that gives me strength to get through tough situations. It may help you too, try not to give in to despair and try to look for the positive's. Your still young and have plenty of time to build up the sort of future you'd like. Please don't feel alone by living at home with your parents at 25, it is now very common. I'm 33 and still at home, it sucks sometimes but without proper work I have no choice. I have good family and friends though and that is more important to me than anything. You will find a way. Life throws all sorts of problems our way, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger:)

[MyNameIsTerry]

Is 25 really that old to be living with your parents thesedays? Given how the housing market has rocketed since the 80's, the finance market has sunk itself and wages aren't keeping pace for many people, I would say no.

I also think it's bad that in order to afford our own place, we need to find partners. Finding a partner and committing to a mortgage is a massive deal and you always need to be careful when it comes to separation when signing anything. It sounds bad but a lot of people break up so maybe it's just logical?

I think you need to first improve your own situation which means a full time job. Then you can determine what you can avoid without needing other people.

I also think that you need to come to terms with this. Maybe it's a little raw right now and you will feel calmer about it in a few days? So, you need to practice some acceptance and remind yourself that it's ok to be where you are now and for the forseable future. 'All or Nothing thinking' is a very negative thing to do and will only cause you frustration.

Create a plan.

In terms of career, I'm sure many people think that way. I'm in my late 30's and I've still got no idea what I want to do. I never did. I also can't remember knowing too many people who did know what they wanted to do. Most of us are plodding along in the rat race.

What do you like doing? What are your strengths? What are you passionate about?

[conical]

Just a small note to Rennie, Did you know x10 more benefits people COULD apply for, don't, because nobody tells them (so the government is 10 billion IN profit). I would also point out that 90% of invalid claims are, by the governments admission, accidental? It's VERY easy not to think an unwaged person moving in gives you LESS money I'm seriously disabled so my wife gave up work just to allow me to live outside an institution BUT it turns out that some premium was no longer valid. Luckily, I had a phone interview with the DLA only 7 weeks after we moved in together (we had been married a year but her job kept us apart). They said not to work, they will take back the £240 back over 6 months. If I got 24 hour care through the government, it would cost them £2500+.

As for moving out - there are 50,000 too few homes in the UK set to rise to 100,000 in 3 years.It's no surprise that the government wants every room in every home to be used (though the bedroom tax is crazy - if you sign up day 1 to move, you still lose the money until the move, so expect LOTS of homeless people in B&B accommodation due to this - MORE expensive).


If you have a full-time job, I see lots of shared houses (but your own room) specifically designed for single people with jobs. Yes, you share a bathroom and kitchen but the standard is usually quote good (£250/month with tax paid & wireless broadband free); at least my son does that. MOST people share before they ever get their own place.

There IS a scheme for renting from the elderly in exchange for keeping the home clean and such. Quite a good idea... but I don't know how many places there are and it's £44 and takes months.

[GirlAfraid23]

Thanks for all your replies guys. It's such a tough one as I am currently at the crossroads in my life I suppose.
I have hit my mid twenties and I'm in a situation that I didn't think I would be...I thought I would be living with my ex by now but obviously that isn't to be. We had viewed flats and everything together :( even opened a joint bank account.

Most of my friends have moved out or are currently doing so...I feel trapped. A lot of them are in long term relationships as well...I am very happy for them of course but a part of me wants to cry, because I thought that was going to be me :(

My original plan was to become a teacher, I am working in a school currently but as a learning support assistant...I'm not sure I could take the pressures of full time teaching, I have seen what the teachers I work with are like...extremely stressed all the time, no real lives. If I was less of an anxious, nervous person, I probably would give it a go.
I have my honours degree in Sociology but I don't know what to do with it :(

My experience is with children, special needs specifically, I am learning braille for the little girl I work with...so that's one skill I suppose.

[Edie]

I don't see anything wrong in still living with your parents at 25, so don't put pressure on yourself to be moving out for that reason. With the way things are now, many people are still living with parents into their 30s. You've also had to change your plans due to splitting up with your ex, which puts all sorts of emotions into the mix, and you're not living where you thought you would be. However, if you want to move out because it's difficult living with your parents due to your relationship or just needing your own space, then do look into what benefits you might be entitled to. Unfortunately due to your age, they would expect you to house share - you would have quite a battle arguing you need to live alone on medical grounds. You're working as hard as you can, so claiming what you are entitled to would not constitute abuse of the system. Maybe see someone from the CAB and see what support you may be able to get.

You may be entitled to PIP and Working Tax Credits - have a look into those and see if you think you meet the criteria.

If you think you may be able to cope with additional work, you could always take on some voluntary work to see if you would cope with it. If it doesn't work out then you can drop it more easily, and if it does then it could increase your confidence and also give you some experience that could be valuable for a better-paid job.

I hope you can find a way that works out for you x

[franfhm]

I was in a very similar predicament to yourself at 25, and oh how I wish I could go back and re-live that year all over again (yes really, I do feel this way!)!

The thing was, I had actually moved in with my (then) boyfriend, we were mortgaged up to the hilt in our dream house, but we still had money to live the dream lifestyle - sounds perfect, right? Thing was deep down he was never happy, and cheated on me with a girl he works with - who he now has 2 kids with. I lost my perfect home, my job, my life, and due to having no equity in the property (we're talking the 07/08 peak and crash) it was either end up selling and owing the bank money, or I had to leave with nothing - so I left with nothing and had to go back to my mum and dad. I did so much growing as a person in that year it was amazing to see the change - I started to appreciate life for what it was, and enjoy the simple things. I even ended up going back to uni part time and am due to graduate this year.

I just wanted to say its not the end of the world, and you will get through it - I thought my life was over, but it really was only just beginning :) Big hugs to you xx

[ankietyjoe]

Most of my friends have moved out or are currently doing so...I feel trapped. A lot of them are in long term relationships as well...I am very happy for them of course but a part of me wants to cry, because I thought that was going to be me :(



Stop worrying about what others have that you don't and focus that energy on getting better.

Be glad that you have a place to stay that puts very little financial pressure on you, as financial pressure is crippling when you have anxiety.