Is it totally normal in recovery to keep having these good cycles and bad cycles?

[xrachykinsx]

I've posted already recently about acceptance and crying and whether crying is giving into the panic and anxiety but I have a new question and one I want to clarify with other past sufferers or current sufferers. I am on medication and whilst I have made improvements if I look at how I've been as a whole...I am still finding myself go round in circles slightly. I have a series of pretty good days, and then I have really bad ones and it is a bit disheartening. I'm learning to just take it in my stride, but I've been poorly now since last October and sometimes it feels like it's just going to be with me forever. Am I recovering eventhough I'm having these cycles?

[Oosh]

I don't know you so hard to give an opinion on your specific situation. But yeh, I came out of it, first a good evening, which would disappointingly be gone the next day. Then I'd get a full day.

I'd try to write down my thoughts in a mood diary so that I could see what thoughts triggered improvements.
Then when I jumped out of the good groove I was trying to stay in I looked over my notes on what frame of mind generally put me in a good place. Too much of that was bad. I could sit staring at my laptop all day just not being able to "feel" it and getting stressed.

But it was always a case of trying to jump into that good place and stay there as long as possible. Eventually I realised a particular spell had lasted months. I always feared slipping out of it because it only takes a doubt thought to rob you of your good feelings and replace it with anxiety/numbness/dread.
That's what made it so difficult. It could be all gone in the space of a thought.

Your antidepressants may be doing a job for you but it's important to try and stay in a good place mentally.

For me success was if I was thinking about and enjoying banter and the lighthearted side of life. Focus on and look for amusing things that simply lift your spirits and chase the dread away.

Another biggy was podcasts. You see for ages I'd listen to cbt audio series, nlp audio etc etc for hours everyday hoping it would help. It did teach me a lot but didn't really put me in a normal state of enjoying the brighter more humorous side of life.

So I looked for podcasts I could listen to where I could listen to people I liked discussing subjects I liked. It took my thoughts off anxiety and instead it was just like being surrounded by friends chatting and having a laugh.

You've got to get your thoughts off anxiety subjects and back onto the real enjoyment in life, friendships, humour, your interests. Only then can you get in a good place and forget about the bad place.

So if you don't have friends like that to hand then search through the thousands of podcasts and radio shows for ones that you can lose yourself in and forget about it all. Keep your mind busy and in a healthy place involving other people.
Then just forget ...
Forget about all this. Just let it fade and don't think of it anymore.
Thinking about it means it sticks around.

Rambled on a bit sorry. A day, a week, a month, get away from it and forget. External thoughts. Never think of it again.

Oh look it's been blah blah year............FORGET


The above is true for me. Mightn't be true for everyone :]
I reserve the right to be wrong.

[xrachykinsx]

Thank-you so much. Your advice is so totally down to earth. You're right, my life is completley consumed by all things to try soothe my anxiety or thoughts about me feeling anxious..it has become basically my life. I've been a stay at home mum for the past 3years- I am a young mum too (only 22) and i've been totally isolated since falling ill. I am just starting to push myself to arrange things with friends etc and so I truly believe that you're right in that respect.

I really have way too much time on my hands, too much time on my hands to dwell on what's upset me in the last 6months, almost asthough I feel traumatised by it all. I'm angry and saddened that me; such a strong willed, confident person ended up like this- that's what upsets me most! I have a part-time job that I'm pretty garunteed to get and now my son is starting nursery, I'm really hopeful that this job will provide me with not just more money (Which is always good!) but with more of a social life. I need good company right now..I'm always better with company. It's only on my own that I get bad.

[Oosh]

Exactly. Isolation, too much time to think, no people to take you out of yourself.

Where do you want to be ?
What state do you want to be in ?
Ie enjoying a friends company, laughing, loving interests.
You don't get in that state by thinking about anxiety and what could be wrong all day. That produces a different state.

I found recovery periods were when my mind had been elsewhere. Thinking about sport, a destination on the other side of the world, clothes, someone funny, work, gfs.
I found setbacks were when I remembered my doubts, anxieties. There was an immediate change of state and I was locked in again.

You get more of what you focus on.

Doesn't mean you have to not come here. There's not much more stimulating than other people.

[xrachykinsx]

Yeah, that's true. I have the ability to think about other things beside my anxiety, but my thoughts tend to always lead back to the anxiety unless I am actually busy. I find mornings the worst.

I'm in an awkward stage at the moment where, I've learnt to just carry on despite my anxiety but sometimes I feel very weak despite making progress. I feel like the end is near with my anxiety but just not quite. Need that extra boost of confidence that hopefully I will get from going back to work.

[Jebdog]

I think the cycles will happen, it's about getting the good cycles to be loong and the bad cycles to be short, everyone has bad days so in someways if you can get them down to that level then perhaps that is normal.

Your going through a bad stage now but in that aren't you having good days? Definitely focus on those, in your bad days just ride through the feelings. Treat your symptoms by just saying so what. Carry out the plans you had for the day even if you don't feel your 100% best.

One final point, my job helps me tremendously to think about something else, it's not easy but it definitely helps especially if a get absorbed in something. Hopefully your part time thing comes in and has the same effect for you.

[Oosh]

Yeah, that's true. I have the ability to think about other things beside my anxiety, but my thoughts tend to always lead back to the anxiety unless I am actually busy. I find mornings the worst.

I'm in an awkward stage at the moment where, I've learnt to just carry on despite my anxiety but sometimes I feel very weak despite making progress. I feel like the end is near with my anxiety but just not quite. Need that extra boost of confidence that hopefully I will get from going back to work.

Confidence won't come back whilst stuck isolated at home. It only comes when you SEE yourself being able and DOING. So I'm pretty sure your confidence will return and make you feel stronger when you're back at work etc

Your in confidence limbo so still feeling a bit vulnerable maybe.

[xrachykinsx]

Thanks :) I just need some big distractions in my life. My anxiety is basically the most important thing on my mind at the moment and it shouldn't be. I really do tend to just take the bad days in my stride. I still get up, go out, and do everything I need to do..I have a3year old son..I have to! It doesn't mean I feel comfortable when I do these things though, but I'm hoping that once it stops becoming my only concern...I will feel more comfortable in myself..I want nothing more than to just be at peace with myself.

---------- Post added at 20:49 ---------- Previous post was at 20:48 ----------


Anxiety won't come back whilst stuck isolated at home. It only comes when you SEE yourself being able and DOING. So I'm pretty sure your confidence will return and make you feel stronger when you're back at work etc

Your in confidence limbo so still feeling a bit vulnerable maybe.


Yes I would accept that; confidence limbo. I am confident I will get better, but then can easily be knocked..

[phil6]

Hi,
You probably have already read this...http://nothingworks.weebly.com
But it is good at reassuring and at encouraging letting the anxiety subject go a bit.
Don't blame yourself, we are all dragged back to the subject as we are continually reminded of it with our habitual thoughts and feelings... It's a gradual process and seems to require repeated experiences.
Phil

[xrachykinsx]

Thanks Phil, will take a look, not sure if I've read that or not. I'm so optimistic that I can beat this, but it takes more than just 'talk' and 'wanting to' to actually do it.

[Oosh]

Meant to say "confidence won't come back whilst stuck isolated at home"
Not
"Anxiety won't come back whilst stuck isolated at home"

I'm a pea brain.

[xrachykinsx]

I think I sussed you anyway :) lol

[Oosh]

:yesyes:

[xrachykinsx]

:yesyes: