Kagu
20-04-14, 15:29
My doctor hesitates to give me scans for cancer because I have a history of health anxiety.
I'm convinced I have cancer. I mentioned I was beginning to have pains just below and behind my lowest right rib. I'm worried it is liver/kidney/pancreatic cancer. The pain is a dull straining feeling, which can spike like a knife occasionally, or if I bend forwards or breathe deeply. If I rub around the area or on the rib, it relieves it. Eating also gives me instant relief- almost completely. I came to cope with the pain there alone and not knowing what caused it, but recently I have started having pains all over my ribs- the most on my collar bone- if I bend backwards, it hurts a lot, but without doing so I don't really notice it. My back and sides hurt. I've had the extra pain for a few weeks now, but I hadn't mentioned it to my GP on my last visit because at the time I thought it was a good sign that my pain was moving around, as if I was imagining it. However, the pain usually sticks to 3 or 4 points.
I've had a blood test and my doctor has felt around the rib where the pain originated from. I asked her directly whether she was sure I didn't have pancreatic cancer, she said 'I'm 99 percent sure- no, 100 percent sure you don't have pancreatic cancer.' However, when I asked her on my next visit whether that percentage she cited was in the context of my health anxiety past, she said yes, and changed the subject.
2 weeks ago I told her about a lump behind my ear. It's almost flat, gelatinous, and moves when I inspect with my finger. She checked it and told me to come back in 2 weeks, but told me that's not usually what they look for if it is a tumor. She suspects it is a swollen lymph node. I have another lump to the on the back of my skull which I forgot to mention- it is similar, and slightly malleable when I push down on it, but harder and more raised than the lump behind my ear. Both lumps ache afterwards if inspect them, but usually they don't hurt (the lump on the back of my skull occasionally hurts when I lie back on it.)
Whenever I try to calm myself, my myriad of other symptoms always finds a way to weasel in- I have trouble not leaking after I urinate and my stools fluctuate between pale and normal. I've had loose stools since I was a teenager, but it's got a lot worse recently.
For diagnosis, my history of health anxieties doesn't help, I'm scared this is like a boy who cried wolf, that I'm actually seriously ill, have months to live, and everyone around me is convinced I can't possibly have anything. I'm 23. I don't mind dying eventually, but just I don't want to die yet. I'm terrified.
I see my GP through the NHS, which is without cost. I had a bad panic attack just over 2 weeks ago and I decided at the time to pay for a mri scan privately. I didn't get around to arranging it. Between now and then I have been trying to distract myself with my job and believe everything is anxiety symptoms, everyone around me is telling me it's in my mind, but the pain I have all over my rib cage now is making me want to go ahead and pay for the scan. I looked online the other day and found out the scans here are much less costly than I had imagined. I feel like an idiot for delaying this long. I wish I go back several months and tell myself to get the scan then.
I can't sleep well, I've lost my appetite, I just sit and stare into space wishing I had taken action sooner. I can't do anything at the moment because it's the Easter weekend. I'm waiting minute by minute to call for a private mri scan, and whatever it takes to confirm I don't have cancer.
I'm convinced I have cancer. I mentioned I was beginning to have pains just below and behind my lowest right rib. I'm worried it is liver/kidney/pancreatic cancer. The pain is a dull straining feeling, which can spike like a knife occasionally, or if I bend forwards or breathe deeply. If I rub around the area or on the rib, it relieves it. Eating also gives me instant relief- almost completely. I came to cope with the pain there alone and not knowing what caused it, but recently I have started having pains all over my ribs- the most on my collar bone- if I bend backwards, it hurts a lot, but without doing so I don't really notice it. My back and sides hurt. I've had the extra pain for a few weeks now, but I hadn't mentioned it to my GP on my last visit because at the time I thought it was a good sign that my pain was moving around, as if I was imagining it. However, the pain usually sticks to 3 or 4 points.
I've had a blood test and my doctor has felt around the rib where the pain originated from. I asked her directly whether she was sure I didn't have pancreatic cancer, she said 'I'm 99 percent sure- no, 100 percent sure you don't have pancreatic cancer.' However, when I asked her on my next visit whether that percentage she cited was in the context of my health anxiety past, she said yes, and changed the subject.
2 weeks ago I told her about a lump behind my ear. It's almost flat, gelatinous, and moves when I inspect with my finger. She checked it and told me to come back in 2 weeks, but told me that's not usually what they look for if it is a tumor. She suspects it is a swollen lymph node. I have another lump to the on the back of my skull which I forgot to mention- it is similar, and slightly malleable when I push down on it, but harder and more raised than the lump behind my ear. Both lumps ache afterwards if inspect them, but usually they don't hurt (the lump on the back of my skull occasionally hurts when I lie back on it.)
Whenever I try to calm myself, my myriad of other symptoms always finds a way to weasel in- I have trouble not leaking after I urinate and my stools fluctuate between pale and normal. I've had loose stools since I was a teenager, but it's got a lot worse recently.
For diagnosis, my history of health anxieties doesn't help, I'm scared this is like a boy who cried wolf, that I'm actually seriously ill, have months to live, and everyone around me is convinced I can't possibly have anything. I'm 23. I don't mind dying eventually, but just I don't want to die yet. I'm terrified.
I see my GP through the NHS, which is without cost. I had a bad panic attack just over 2 weeks ago and I decided at the time to pay for a mri scan privately. I didn't get around to arranging it. Between now and then I have been trying to distract myself with my job and believe everything is anxiety symptoms, everyone around me is telling me it's in my mind, but the pain I have all over my rib cage now is making me want to go ahead and pay for the scan. I looked online the other day and found out the scans here are much less costly than I had imagined. I feel like an idiot for delaying this long. I wish I go back several months and tell myself to get the scan then.
I can't sleep well, I've lost my appetite, I just sit and stare into space wishing I had taken action sooner. I can't do anything at the moment because it's the Easter weekend. I'm waiting minute by minute to call for a private mri scan, and whatever it takes to confirm I don't have cancer.