Paranoia, anxiety, depersonalisation

[Alexocelix]

Hey people. I've had a rocky couple of weeks and I thought I come here to try and remind myself I'm not losing it, completely.
I have been dealing with lots of anxiety and depersonalisation, and more also more recently intrusive obsessional thoughts that I could harm someone. It's gutting. I feel like I can't allow myself to stop monitoring my thoughts because either I'll become a danger to people without knowing it, or I'll be 'judged' in some way. Does anyone with depersonalisation feel guilty or scared about doing enjoyable things? I feel like I have such low self esteem that for some reason I cant enjoy life incase it all goes wrong.
Also, I have become scared that since I feel so unreal and not in control, that maybe I will start hearing or seeing things that aren't there, so I sometimes cant bear to watch the tv etc. I guess this is paranoia, when I do watch TV it always seems to be about mental health issues and stuff, which just seems so ironic and seems to fuel the paranoia. Does anyone else ever feel like this? Like your in the center of something not real or that they don't know if they're in control?
Sorry for the rant!

[existential crisis]

Alexo,

You are definately not alone in this one. I have this quite often, seeing as my anxiety is very much based around mental health problems and being scared of having one. Everywhere you look it seems to be about something related to mental health problems! I think because your mind is on such things, you end up sort of subconciously picking them out of everything around you. I know I always notice things related to mental health before I notice anything else - I guess that's because it's what we are worried about and what is at the forefront of our minds. I definately find it hard to let go and enjoy myself when I feel anxious or worried, much for the same reasons as you - that you will either go over the top of 'lose control'. Anxiety shakes everything you believe in to it's very core and makes you question everything about yourself, hence the feeling of not being in control and just being in the centre of everything just going on around you. But despite all of that, you are in control - it just feels like you aren't. If that all makes sense! Clare. xxx

*I think, therefore I am.*

[yorkylover]

Your not alone pet,I thought I was really ill until I found this forum,its bit a fantastic help to me.;)

Ellen XX

[Alexocelix]

Cheers guys, well I'm gonna go try and join a gym today. It's weird, I can ocassionally (only a short amount of time) feel myself feeling relatively normal, but the nagging doubt in the back of my mind is that, that is not really normal, everything I was before my panic attacks wasn't normal etc. This kinda makes me feel more seperate again.
I like the name by the way, existential crisis. That seems to mirror the roots of my anxiety right now. It's very hard being scared of being alive, and noticing that despite all the odds, here we are existing and thinking.