Amsterdam
20-04-14, 22:19
Hi there,
Over the last weekend my anxiety returned. I have been reading a LOT of posts on this site over the past week. Most of the time they were pretty useful for calming me down, although I never managed to get rid of my anxiety completely. I hope some of you will take the time to read my story :blush:
I'm a 23 year old student who suffered from an occasional panic attack in the past. Most of them happened during my high school period and the frequency used to differ, but it was clear that I was more prone to have an attack during stressful times in my life. The attacks often happened at home at completely random moments, there didn't seem to be a special trigger. During most attacks, it would feel like my heart skipped a beat followed by a much stronger beat than usual. This would cause me to panic, raising my heart to 200 BPM and me jumping up and feeling really anxious. Afraid my heart was going to stop and afraid of dying. Almost all the time, I calmed down after a while and I could carry on with whatever I was doing. Leaving no more than a very slight anxious feeling behind.
I also have a history of social/general anxiety. Personally, I think this was caused after a long and intensive period of being bullied while I was younger. This left me with really big self-esteem problems and me feeling lonely all the time.
When I started university 3 years ago, I met a girl and my life quality really improved and I felt way less stressful than during high school. Then, earlier this year, I went through some difficult emotional stuff, breaking off contact with a girl I had been close with for a long time. I really missed her, I missed the fact of someone always being there for me and having someone to talk to about anything anytime. And, I was really afraid I would never meet a new girl that I would have such a good connection with.
At the same time I started to smoke more weed and I quickly developed feelings for another girl, on which I already had a bit of a crush before. Like I said before, breaking off contact with the first girl did really hurt me and bothered me, but it never seemed to bother me as much as it probably should have done. I was just really focussed on the new girl and we were really good friends. But at some point, I became so obsessed with regaining that special connection with someone, that I really started to emotionally push things. This finally resulted in us getting in a huge fight and losing our friendship, the opposite of what I was trying to achieve.
I felt really bad about everything that had happened and I only started to smoke more. I started to feel more lonely than ever because now, I had nobody left at all to talk to about the little things in my life and nobody to be close to. I do have a vast amount of good friends that I can basically speak to about anything but that's still different as you probably understand.
Two weeks ago, I quit smoking weed, cold turkey. The next week I was on vacation and regularly smoked cigarettes and drank alcohol. All seemed well and I was really glad that I stopped smoking weed because I felt a lot more energetic than I used to. Until last weekend, I was on a day out with friends when I suddenly had a HUGE panic attack. Unlike any other attack I ever experienced before. It started around 4pm and I felt lightheaded, like I could faint anytime. Also, my heart kept racing up to 200 BPM, I felt nauseous and my stomach felt horrible. I was extremely scared and really thought I would die that day. My worst decision that day, was to let my friends go off in the city why I would wait in the car for them to return. When they finally got back that evening, I still felt as shit as I did all day. When driving home to our apartment, I got a new peak in my panic attack because we were driving out of a big town into the middle of nowhere with no hospitals around (or at least, that's what I thought). I also started to fear a stomach bleeding and what not.
When we finally arrived at the apartment, I managed to calm down with the help of my friends and with rational thinking. Because there were no indications for me having any urgent medical problems, there were no signs for heart problems, stomach problems or anything else. Though, I still felt anxious which made it very hard to fall asleep because every time I tried to relax and fall asleep; it would suddenly feel like I could faint. When I finally did fall asleep, I slept really shallow and woke up a couple of times during the night. I also sweat a lot. When I woke up the next morning, I was still anxious and I told one of my friends that I needed to see a doctor because something had to be wrong. He managed to calm me down and I felt alright for a while. But later that day, while driving home from our holiday, I got anxious again. I did not experience anymore full blown panic attacks that day but I felt far from good.
The next day, monday, was alright. But tuesday, I woke up with yet another panic attack. I went to my GP and told this story. He assured me nothing was wrong and agreed that I was just experiencing anxiety. He prescribed fluvoxamine (luvox) to help me deal with my stress and anxiety. I started taking 50mg before going to bed and woke up during the middle of the night with mild anxiety but managed to go back to sleep. Wednesday, I once again woke up during the night though I did not feel really anxious. On thursday, I actually felt really good but tired, probably because of the fluvoxamine. At night, I took my meds again but this time, I woke up with a huge panic attack. I was alone at home that day and felt really really anxious. A friend of mine came over and I calmed down, but I could not sleep because of lightheadedness and the fear of fainting. After 3/4 hours I finally fell asleep again. On friday, I still felt anxious all day so I went home to my parents. At night, I once again experienced panic attacks with the feeling of lightheadedness but my parents didn't really seem to be of much help. Nor did they want to take me to hospital.
I was really afraid and I though taking my meds would once again cause me to wake up during the middle of the night, so I did not take them that night. When I finally fell asleep at 2/3am, I slept through till noon the next day. I felt a lot better and decided to lay off the meds because the thought of taking them already made me anxious. All was well, until I had another panic attack at night. Because I was started to get used to the panic attacks, I managed to calm down a little and thus managed to keep my heartbeat at 60/70 BPM. The biggest problem was once again the lightheadedness and fear of fainting. I chatted with a friend for a while and finally managed to calm down enough to fall asleep.
Today, I'm feeling alright. Probably the same as yesterday, a bit anxious and lightheaded all the time but I'm far from a panic attack.
I'm getting really tired of the anxiety and lightheadedness and it seriously has an impact on my quality of life. I'm afraid to go places and to be alone. Therefor, I'm missing all kind of parties this weekend and I can't get any work done :weep:
Personally, I think I have repressed my stress with my use of weed. And the week after, with alcohol/cigarettes. Now, all the stress that I've built up over the past months is all coming out and causing all this anxiety. My GP agrees this could in fact be the case.
Now, I'm trying to get rid of the stress but this is a process that is going to take a lot of time. I have also decided that the use of SSRI's is not for me, or at least, not now. I will return to my GP on tuesday and discuss other options. I think I'm going to schedule with a psych to help me deal with the stress. However, I'm not really sure how to cope with all the anxiety in the mean while.
Valerian extract seems to help a little but it does not help with the biggest problem which is the lightheadedness. Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas? I'm feeling really helpless :weep:
Over the last weekend my anxiety returned. I have been reading a LOT of posts on this site over the past week. Most of the time they were pretty useful for calming me down, although I never managed to get rid of my anxiety completely. I hope some of you will take the time to read my story :blush:
I'm a 23 year old student who suffered from an occasional panic attack in the past. Most of them happened during my high school period and the frequency used to differ, but it was clear that I was more prone to have an attack during stressful times in my life. The attacks often happened at home at completely random moments, there didn't seem to be a special trigger. During most attacks, it would feel like my heart skipped a beat followed by a much stronger beat than usual. This would cause me to panic, raising my heart to 200 BPM and me jumping up and feeling really anxious. Afraid my heart was going to stop and afraid of dying. Almost all the time, I calmed down after a while and I could carry on with whatever I was doing. Leaving no more than a very slight anxious feeling behind.
I also have a history of social/general anxiety. Personally, I think this was caused after a long and intensive period of being bullied while I was younger. This left me with really big self-esteem problems and me feeling lonely all the time.
When I started university 3 years ago, I met a girl and my life quality really improved and I felt way less stressful than during high school. Then, earlier this year, I went through some difficult emotional stuff, breaking off contact with a girl I had been close with for a long time. I really missed her, I missed the fact of someone always being there for me and having someone to talk to about anything anytime. And, I was really afraid I would never meet a new girl that I would have such a good connection with.
At the same time I started to smoke more weed and I quickly developed feelings for another girl, on which I already had a bit of a crush before. Like I said before, breaking off contact with the first girl did really hurt me and bothered me, but it never seemed to bother me as much as it probably should have done. I was just really focussed on the new girl and we were really good friends. But at some point, I became so obsessed with regaining that special connection with someone, that I really started to emotionally push things. This finally resulted in us getting in a huge fight and losing our friendship, the opposite of what I was trying to achieve.
I felt really bad about everything that had happened and I only started to smoke more. I started to feel more lonely than ever because now, I had nobody left at all to talk to about the little things in my life and nobody to be close to. I do have a vast amount of good friends that I can basically speak to about anything but that's still different as you probably understand.
Two weeks ago, I quit smoking weed, cold turkey. The next week I was on vacation and regularly smoked cigarettes and drank alcohol. All seemed well and I was really glad that I stopped smoking weed because I felt a lot more energetic than I used to. Until last weekend, I was on a day out with friends when I suddenly had a HUGE panic attack. Unlike any other attack I ever experienced before. It started around 4pm and I felt lightheaded, like I could faint anytime. Also, my heart kept racing up to 200 BPM, I felt nauseous and my stomach felt horrible. I was extremely scared and really thought I would die that day. My worst decision that day, was to let my friends go off in the city why I would wait in the car for them to return. When they finally got back that evening, I still felt as shit as I did all day. When driving home to our apartment, I got a new peak in my panic attack because we were driving out of a big town into the middle of nowhere with no hospitals around (or at least, that's what I thought). I also started to fear a stomach bleeding and what not.
When we finally arrived at the apartment, I managed to calm down with the help of my friends and with rational thinking. Because there were no indications for me having any urgent medical problems, there were no signs for heart problems, stomach problems or anything else. Though, I still felt anxious which made it very hard to fall asleep because every time I tried to relax and fall asleep; it would suddenly feel like I could faint. When I finally did fall asleep, I slept really shallow and woke up a couple of times during the night. I also sweat a lot. When I woke up the next morning, I was still anxious and I told one of my friends that I needed to see a doctor because something had to be wrong. He managed to calm me down and I felt alright for a while. But later that day, while driving home from our holiday, I got anxious again. I did not experience anymore full blown panic attacks that day but I felt far from good.
The next day, monday, was alright. But tuesday, I woke up with yet another panic attack. I went to my GP and told this story. He assured me nothing was wrong and agreed that I was just experiencing anxiety. He prescribed fluvoxamine (luvox) to help me deal with my stress and anxiety. I started taking 50mg before going to bed and woke up during the middle of the night with mild anxiety but managed to go back to sleep. Wednesday, I once again woke up during the night though I did not feel really anxious. On thursday, I actually felt really good but tired, probably because of the fluvoxamine. At night, I took my meds again but this time, I woke up with a huge panic attack. I was alone at home that day and felt really really anxious. A friend of mine came over and I calmed down, but I could not sleep because of lightheadedness and the fear of fainting. After 3/4 hours I finally fell asleep again. On friday, I still felt anxious all day so I went home to my parents. At night, I once again experienced panic attacks with the feeling of lightheadedness but my parents didn't really seem to be of much help. Nor did they want to take me to hospital.
I was really afraid and I though taking my meds would once again cause me to wake up during the middle of the night, so I did not take them that night. When I finally fell asleep at 2/3am, I slept through till noon the next day. I felt a lot better and decided to lay off the meds because the thought of taking them already made me anxious. All was well, until I had another panic attack at night. Because I was started to get used to the panic attacks, I managed to calm down a little and thus managed to keep my heartbeat at 60/70 BPM. The biggest problem was once again the lightheadedness and fear of fainting. I chatted with a friend for a while and finally managed to calm down enough to fall asleep.
Today, I'm feeling alright. Probably the same as yesterday, a bit anxious and lightheaded all the time but I'm far from a panic attack.
I'm getting really tired of the anxiety and lightheadedness and it seriously has an impact on my quality of life. I'm afraid to go places and to be alone. Therefor, I'm missing all kind of parties this weekend and I can't get any work done :weep:
Personally, I think I have repressed my stress with my use of weed. And the week after, with alcohol/cigarettes. Now, all the stress that I've built up over the past months is all coming out and causing all this anxiety. My GP agrees this could in fact be the case.
Now, I'm trying to get rid of the stress but this is a process that is going to take a lot of time. I have also decided that the use of SSRI's is not for me, or at least, not now. I will return to my GP on tuesday and discuss other options. I think I'm going to schedule with a psych to help me deal with the stress. However, I'm not really sure how to cope with all the anxiety in the mean while.
Valerian extract seems to help a little but it does not help with the biggest problem which is the lightheadedness. Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas? I'm feeling really helpless :weep: