perpetual-mirth
21-04-14, 04:30
Hi, I'm new here, but I really need to get all this frustration off my shoulders. Sigh.
It all started about two and a half months ago, my boyfriend and I binged on some pretty unhealthy food...absolutely delicious, but downright unhealthy (LOL). As we're eating all this food, I feel a pain in my right arm (if I remember correctly). Now, I've had a fear of heart attacks since I was a kid, seeing someone die of one in a movie was pretty traumatic. So that fear has kinda always been in the back of my mind all these years (I'm 21 now). So here I am, indulging and yet feeling this meaningless pain, kinda freaking out. Fast forward a few hours later, I go to bed. A few hours in and I wake up with a racing heart, thinking I'm really going to die and it's finally happened. I didn't fall back asleep until four hours of that anxiety passed. This had never happened to me before until then, so of course it scared me to bits.
The next day, I'm just a wreck. I had no idea what was going on but I couldn't calm down, my heart was racing, and I was so scared to even move in case I would pass out. This went on for about six days, I couldn't find an appetite, I couldn't sleep more than a few hours, it was terrible. My family was getting annoyed with me and was OF COURSE telling me the helpful thing they could: "If you don't calm down, you're gonna give yourself a heart attack/end up in the hospital." So at that point, my fear of having one which was fueling the panic, was being fueled even more by them telling me that I WOULD have one. I finally went to the doctor a week into this because I knew I needed something to help even me out. I was prescribed Buspirone and since then it's helped keep me calm, a lot calmer than I was that first week.
About a week or so ago I went back because of my newly diagnosed asthma (oh yay), and my doc, in attempt to help ease my fears of a heart attack, ran an EKG on me and of course, told me that my "heart is beautiful." While I know that I'm young, reasonably fit since I love jogging and lifting, and I've never had heart problems before, I just feel like if I don't calm down (which is nearly impossible for someone with a panic disorder), that I will, just like my family told me, induce one of my worst fears upon myself and die. I feel super hopeless about the future and I just want to not worry or think about this anymore.
I will say that I'm going to a therapist on Thursday and will hopefully be helped by CBT & I've also read Claire Weekes' "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" book too, which has helped.
Any kind feedback would be much appreciated! x
It all started about two and a half months ago, my boyfriend and I binged on some pretty unhealthy food...absolutely delicious, but downright unhealthy (LOL). As we're eating all this food, I feel a pain in my right arm (if I remember correctly). Now, I've had a fear of heart attacks since I was a kid, seeing someone die of one in a movie was pretty traumatic. So that fear has kinda always been in the back of my mind all these years (I'm 21 now). So here I am, indulging and yet feeling this meaningless pain, kinda freaking out. Fast forward a few hours later, I go to bed. A few hours in and I wake up with a racing heart, thinking I'm really going to die and it's finally happened. I didn't fall back asleep until four hours of that anxiety passed. This had never happened to me before until then, so of course it scared me to bits.
The next day, I'm just a wreck. I had no idea what was going on but I couldn't calm down, my heart was racing, and I was so scared to even move in case I would pass out. This went on for about six days, I couldn't find an appetite, I couldn't sleep more than a few hours, it was terrible. My family was getting annoyed with me and was OF COURSE telling me the helpful thing they could: "If you don't calm down, you're gonna give yourself a heart attack/end up in the hospital." So at that point, my fear of having one which was fueling the panic, was being fueled even more by them telling me that I WOULD have one. I finally went to the doctor a week into this because I knew I needed something to help even me out. I was prescribed Buspirone and since then it's helped keep me calm, a lot calmer than I was that first week.
About a week or so ago I went back because of my newly diagnosed asthma (oh yay), and my doc, in attempt to help ease my fears of a heart attack, ran an EKG on me and of course, told me that my "heart is beautiful." While I know that I'm young, reasonably fit since I love jogging and lifting, and I've never had heart problems before, I just feel like if I don't calm down (which is nearly impossible for someone with a panic disorder), that I will, just like my family told me, induce one of my worst fears upon myself and die. I feel super hopeless about the future and I just want to not worry or think about this anymore.
I will say that I'm going to a therapist on Thursday and will hopefully be helped by CBT & I've also read Claire Weekes' "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" book too, which has helped.
Any kind feedback would be much appreciated! x