Problems caused by difficult time when I was at school, anyone the same ?

[Ryan92]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to start this thread because I was wondering if there are other people with anxiety etc, that may have started due to been bullied at school. Just be nice to know and make me feel better if Im not the only one :)

I was bullied every year I was at secondary school so that didnt help, plus before I started secondary school my parents got divorced 12 years ago but I take that as a positive as they weren't happy the last few years when we were all a family and I now have 2 half brothers :D. My dad was never really a 'dad', he never used to spend time with me and I don't see him much now either.

I saw something on TV last week talking about bullying in school is affecting childrens minds and grades and I thought 'oh my god they're only just realising :doh:, where the hell have they been the last few decades, idiots '. I suffer from GAD, OCD, depression and social anxiety, I was diagnosed a few years ago. Anyone feel similar or have had a similar past ?, thanks for reading and any replies would be appreciated.

[Rennie1989]

I was bullied all throughout primary and secondary school. Some of it was talking behind my back, some was name calling, but the worst was when my stuff got stolen, threats towards me and being hit with objects (worst was a tennis racket). None of my teachers and neither of my parents did anything about it, so it's no wonder why I developed panic attacks at 13 and depression at 14. I have always been an anxious child, but the bullying undoubtedly made that worse.

I am now 24 and am still bitter about the whole thing. My parents expect me to get over it, but it has left such a deep scar that I have no idea when, or if, it'll heal. Today it's not so much the bullies I hate, because they were children and are now adults, it's the teachers and my parents who I am cannot believe did not try to do anything to help me.

[HalfJack]

Yeah a lot of my more serious problems began while I was at secondary school due to bullying. No one took me seriously at the time. I didn't get diagnosed till I was about 17 and in an undeniably very poor mental and physical state.

I remember thinking the walk to school was like self harm because I knew when I got there I'd get hurt. I did have a great group of friends but they never really saw any of the bullying because I had different classes. In the end I bunked off most days, but I *just* passed all of my exams with C's at least. It definitely affects grades because I got A's in my college exams lol.

---------- Post added at 15:39 ---------- Previous post was at 15:28 ----------

I got both physical and verbal bullying but mostly from boys. Teachers saw it and did nothing as did others.

I try not to feel pressure to forgive them and just accept it. I'm not angry anymore, being angry about it just hurt me but also feel a little bitter about the fact that no one helped me either. There's no real closure for that, people can apologise but it's an empty apology.

[Ryan92]

I was bullied all throughout primary and secondary school. Some of it was talking behind my back, some was name calling, but the worst was when my stuff got stolen, threats towards me and being hit with objects (worst was a tennis racket). None of my teachers and neither of my parents did anything about it, so it's no wonder why I developed panic attacks at 13 and depression at 14. I have always been an anxious child, but the bullying undoubtedly made that worse.

I am now 24 and am still bitter about the whole thing. My parents expect me to get over it, but it has left such a deep scar that I have no idea when, or if, it'll heal. Today it's not so much the bullies I hate, because they were children and are now adults, it's the teachers and my parents who I am cannot believe did not try to do anything to help me.

Thanks for the reply :), my teachers at my school were the same. They didn't do anything to stop the bullying and I just kept getting worse and worse. At weekends I used to cry because I knew I would be going back in a couple of days. At the end of term breaks I used to be a nervous wreck, enjoying all that time away from the bullies and having to go back the next day, it was awful. I feel it has left a scar too, it's one of the reasons I find it difficult to trust people.

---------- Post added at 01:54 ---------- Previous post was at 01:05 ----------


Yeah a lot of my more serious problems began while I was at secondary school due to bullying. No one took me seriously at the time. I didn't get diagnosed till I was about 17 and in an undeniably very poor mental and physical state.

I remember thinking the walk to school was like self harm because I knew when I got there I'd get hurt. I did have a great group of friends but they never really saw any of the bullying because I had different classes. In the end I bunked off most days, but I *just* passed all of my exams with C's at least. It definitely affects grades because I got A's in my college exams lol.

---------- Post added at 15:39 ---------- Previous post was at 15:28 ----------

I got both physical and verbal bullying but mostly from boys. Teachers saw it and did nothing as did others.

I try not to feel pressure to forgive them and just accept it. I'm not angry anymore, being angry about it just hurt me but also feel a little bitter about the fact that no one helped me either. There's no real closure for that, people can apologise but it's an empty apology.

Thanks for the reply :), I was the same with having friends in different classes so they never saw the bullying. I used to bunk off days too, mainly in my final year. After all those years my mind just switched off due to the bullying, I struggled with my classwork and exams. As a result my grades were fairly poor.

I just couldn't cope with the pressure of GCSE and exams along with been bullied. I was bullied by boys and girls, things like verbal and physical and I was also harassed. Our school had an anti bullying policy which was a little ironic :doh:

The first few years I remember in drama class I used to refuse to do any of the work, it involved speaking and acting in front of my class and none of the teachers understood my anxiety and social problems so I used to get after school detentions.

At least its all over now though, feeling angry about it all makes me feel the same too.

[Sabre120]

While I don't think my own anxiety is as a result of bullying, but I was bullied throughout Primary school and intermittently through Secondary school, so I understand how you feel when you dread going to school. Bullying is an incredibly serious problem in our education system and in some cases, even the workplace. I have to say though, going to university has allowed me to develop socially in ways I never thought possible.

[SADnomore]

Similar story here. I had left all my childhood friends behind when we abruptly left town upon my parent's sudden divorce, and my mother came up with a new "dad". After that, we moved house so often in our new city that I went to 9 different schools in the first 8 years, so I was always "the new girl", under scrutiny, firstly of course by the bullies. Failed grade 5. Failed grade 8. Never had the self-esteem to fit in anywhere, finally dropped out in grade 10 and started using drugs. Mostly I think parents are self-absorbed and expect children to sort things out for themselves. "Kids will be kids", even as I got stalked and beaten up all the time, the fact was no one got into trouble outside the school zone signs, and all the kids knew it. My parents never once picked me up from school or once felt compelled to protect me. They were, my mother would say later, "too busy earning a living". Apparently children are meant to fend for themselves once they are past babyhood! Teachers don't want to take on the added responsibility of creating a social comfort zone, as it's not held up as a very important part of the job. So most don't bother, focusing instead on the curriculum and lesson plans. Shockingly, a lot of teachers don't even actually like children much, what they like is mechanics of teaching. That is what they see as "their job". Most don't see any reason to open up a can of worms by stepping outside of their role at the front of the classroom. I know this because in recent years I have spent a good deal of time socially for business with classroom teachers. The children these teachers speak disdainfully of (yes, by name, and to other teachers and perfect strangers) are the children who complain of being bullied. They defend the bullies, and insist that the victims must bring it on themselves, and/or that they are not about to get involved! The parents won't appreciate it! What a sick milieu, when it is the abusive children's parents who will take their parts, and are to be feared by staff and children along with the bullies themselves.

Sorry for the rant! Suffice to say that absolutely, I agree that bullying destroys a child's self-esteem, and any hope of real self-confidence in later years. I later went to college as an adult entrant (where bullying was expressly forbidden) straight into a Masters of Education program, and did well with all my work and got along fine. I wish I could say that made a difference, but it hasn't. Funny, it was about a year ago that I realized that I have no self-confidence. Hadn't really recognized how much that might have stemmed from the bullying until now! Thanks so much for this thread, great food for thought. And thank you Rennie for adding that really, the bullies themselves were just children too. I will use that as my mantra as I begin, back at the beginning, to "parent myself" into a semblance of confident adulthood.
Marie :flowers:

[ZebraStripes]

Bullying definitely had a part to play in my anxiety, I was pretty badly bullied in secondary school I remember very clearly being pushed downstairs twice, on one occasion down metal edged stone steps (ouch!) and having the whole rush of kid of the stairs stop and laugh at me as I skidded down on my knees...

I think it was all made worse for me by the fact that my twin sister was VERY popular and not bullied at all... oh the joys of school!

[xrachykinsx]

Hey, I have to say...that even though this is my first major anxiety episode at 22years of age, I kind of look back and see I was quite an anxious person for most of my school life at secondary school. For me, I absolutely loved primary school, I was confident, happy...and then I went to secondary school. Being a girl at age 11-12 is quite hard because you're suddenly changing and it makes you naturally a bit unconfident.

I actually didn't have a very nice experience in my first year at secondary school. I was never bullied but there was a lad in my class that used to be really inappropriate, try and touch you in places he shouldn't be...I wasn't the only girl it happened to..he did it to anyone that had the pleasure of sitting near him, So I knew I wasn't alone but it kick started my beginnings of morning anxiety..It was never mega strong anxiety but I used to wake up and find anyreason to tell my mum I couldn't go to school. I missed soooo much school because of it.

I never got bullied as such but girls and other boys would make comments about how skinny I was and it really upset me..because they were commenting as if I was 'not normal'..I used to think to myself...' I would never go upto this girl and say..oh my god your well fat' so I couldn't understand why people felt the need to come up to me and say things like 'oh my god you're well skinny...look...you're gunna snap' It majorly knocked my confidence as a teen growing up.

Everything got so much better in my final year of school. I think it's because everyone started to grow up and were thinking about their careers and education. I managed to pass all 10 of my GCSE's A*-C and then left to go to college..and that's where my life really began! I now look back at my school years and I so wish I could of not been so scared and frightened of people...all the people that used to be 'the best' are now failing in life.. I do think it was secondary school that personally made me a anxious person though xx

[trish1955]

I rember hating play to e wen I was five yr old as I had to wear glasses and unlike today you got called mostly buy boys they took pleasure in finding me just to call me I have a laz eye and even in my teens I would get called mostly buy boys making me have no confidence wzt so ever 58 and still got none why my family had its probe there was no divorce not that my dad didn't cheat on my mum once and it was heart breaking but they got past it at this time there was Severn of us I had two teenage sister two younger sisters plus the two babies of the family so. Think I was the odd one out even at home and I zve suffered anxiety since I was twelve and panic and verey goraphobic now so it could all come from the first bullying. I never felt as good as every one else at school x

[blueangel]

I know there are a number of other contributory factors to my anxiety (inherited tendency, deaths of close family members and other stuff), but I'm sure being bullied at primary school has added to my anxiety and depression.

I was in the position where I loved school for learning, but couldn't bear being with most other children because of the way I was treated. I was bullied throughout primary school, physically and verbally. The physical stuff included being punched in the head until my nose bled, being pushed over, knocked into walls and having chairs pulled out from under me.

In some ways, the verbal stuff was worse; I was called everything under the sun and it was relentless. I could block it out by learning, but I hated having to join in with things as this when people could "get at me". Very little was done about it and I've grown up being over-cautious and mostly a loner. I very rarely share personal information with people who know me and prefer to keep my life private.

[Sunflower2]

This can't just a be a coincidence then.. I also got badly bullied in primary school and the first few years of secondary. I was verbally abused and had no friends for a while, and was physically attacked a few times as well. It made me feel so humiliated and weak and that I didn't understand how people could be so horrible for no apparent reason other than for fun. It took me a while to properly recover from it and I still probably have a lot of hatred for the bullies. But I thought I had come out of it stronger and more determined to be successful in my life.

I've had ocd for like 8 years and general anxiety for the past few years. The ocd is just a fear of germs and getting ill and the anxiety from stress accumulated over the past few years. So it's not really related to the bullying, but maybe it contributed to the intense fear you feel? But if it is, I'd hate the thought of thinking bullies have damaged my mental health because it makes me feel like they've won!

[Ryan92]

Thank you everyone so much for your kind words and replies, it means so much to me :D

Im sorry if any of you felt upset remembering those memories from school.
At least its not actually happening again to us now :) I just wish more would have been done over the years to lower or stop bullying in schools. I doubt its much different nowadays. I did manage to go to college for a year after school :)

[SADnomore]

Hey RJ192, it is good to read that you decided to take a chance on college, and that others also have not allowed the early bullying to ruin their lives. Like you I hope it will change soon. I have to say, I would probably home-school now! Do you get "19 Kids and Counting" over there? Lol!
Marie xx
(Kudos again on making us have a think about things and yes, it IS nice to have it behind us!)

[Ryan92]

Hey RJ192, it is good to read that you decided to take a chance on college, and that others also have not allowed the early bullying to ruin their lives. Like you I hope it will change soon. I have to say, I would probably home-school now! Do you get "19 Kids and Counting" over there? Lol!
Marie xx
(Kudos again on making us have a think about things and yes, it IS nice to have it behind us!)

Thanks Marie :), yeah at times when I was at school I wished I could have been home schooled. Sometimes we had up to 30 kids in a class, no chance of any peace and quiet :doh:, unless the teacher shouted :doh: Im finding NMP a great help :), its great we can all support each other :D

[LyingScotsman]

I do think my time at high school has a lot to do with my anxiety. People would call me 'mong' be ause I had ADHD, and that it means I was always hyper. I spent most of the last few years of school skiving b myself. Ever since then my self esteem has always been low. I have always thought that I wpuldn't get far in life since I couln't fit in with anyone. These four years of high school were the worst of my life.

[Ryan92]

I do think my time at high school has a lot to do with my anxiety. People would call me 'mong' be ause I had ADHD, and that it means I was always hyper. I spent most of the last few years of school skiving b myself. Ever since then my self esteem has always been low. I have always thought that I wpuldn't get far in life since I couln't fit in with anyone. These four years of high school were the worst of my life.

Hi, thanks for the reply :)

Yeah I know what you mean, been bullied wrecked my confidence and I feel it has left a mental scar. Secondary school was the worst time of my life. When I told the teachers they never did anything :doh:

My last year was the worst and it became so bad that it was affecting my grades and I just wanted my final year to end asap. I just managed to join a level 2 course at college with my grades and I really enjoyed college, people were a lot more mature. I wasn't able to eat in public though due to my social anxiety :doh:

Ever since I finished college my problems have been getting worse.

[SADnomore]

Aw, hunni ... What about joining a get-together with other members there? I think it would be just like old-home week, knowing right off the bat that everyone else is just like you, prone to anxiety and to have in common the same supportive attitude. If I lived in England I would try getting together for coffee or outings with members nearby. With summer coming on, biweekly barbecues could be fun!
Marie

[Ryan92]

Aw, hunni ... What about joining a get-together with other members there? I think it would be just like old-home week, knowing right off the bat that everyone else is just like you, prone to anxiety and to have in common the same supportive attitude. If I lived in England I would try getting together for coffee or outings with members nearby. With summer coming on, biweekly barbecues could be fun!
Marie

Hi Marie, thanks again for replying :) I am waiting at the moment for more therapy and maybe, eventually a get-together depending on what my therapist says. I would be very anxious but like you said everyone will be anxious like me. Barbecues would be a nice idea :), it just depends on the weather. Summer time in england is known to be very changable, one day its sunny, the next its raining non stop lol

Our main health service, the NHS, can be very poor at times. I've been waiting for additional therapy for almost 4 months and maybe another few from now for counselling :doh: in the past I have had CBT.

Oh well, just need to try and keep positive :) thanks again :)