chuchu
22-04-14, 11:52
I think I have been anxious all my life but not realised it. I remember sitting at the top of the stairs shouting goodnight to my parents and them replying, going to bed and then repeating. As a child I panicked if left alone in the car thinking I was being left or something had happened. After divorcing 13years ago I began to have severe attacks of panic. My ex had informed my two daughters that it wouldnt be long before I was put into a psychiatric ward like my mother. He had abused me both mentally and physically for 22 years I thought I was worthless and no good to anyone.
Without going into too long a story my eldest daughter recently announced her engagement and I went into an anxiety attack thinking about how I was going to deal with everything. Nobody had done anything to me to make me think I was going to be overlooked but I started to get anxious and my doctor put me on 20mg citalopram (I had had 5 yrs of no attacks using citalopram and like an idiot I took myself slowly off and until the announcement of the engagement had done well) this worked well and I started to come back to normal me and then I invited my ex and his partner, my daughter and her fiance and the inlaws to be for dinner.
Everything went well on the evening everybody got on but my ex did mention his vast wealth, religion and politics.
I received lovely texts thanking me for making a wonderful dinner.
The next day I was exhausted slept all day and THEN I woke up on the Sunday trembling, retching, crying, not being able to sit still the anxiety was horrendous.
I have now had the citalopram increased to 30mg and am waiting for CBT via NHS. It is four weeks now since upping the dose of citalopram, I am now able to walk my dogs, cook, do the laundry but I still have worrying thoughts but not as strong.
I have tried to get private CBT as I am still waiting for the NHS but as yet have had no luck, it appears that the whole world is getting help but me :weep:
Without going into too long a story my eldest daughter recently announced her engagement and I went into an anxiety attack thinking about how I was going to deal with everything. Nobody had done anything to me to make me think I was going to be overlooked but I started to get anxious and my doctor put me on 20mg citalopram (I had had 5 yrs of no attacks using citalopram and like an idiot I took myself slowly off and until the announcement of the engagement had done well) this worked well and I started to come back to normal me and then I invited my ex and his partner, my daughter and her fiance and the inlaws to be for dinner.
Everything went well on the evening everybody got on but my ex did mention his vast wealth, religion and politics.
I received lovely texts thanking me for making a wonderful dinner.
The next day I was exhausted slept all day and THEN I woke up on the Sunday trembling, retching, crying, not being able to sit still the anxiety was horrendous.
I have now had the citalopram increased to 30mg and am waiting for CBT via NHS. It is four weeks now since upping the dose of citalopram, I am now able to walk my dogs, cook, do the laundry but I still have worrying thoughts but not as strong.
I have tried to get private CBT as I am still waiting for the NHS but as yet have had no luck, it appears that the whole world is getting help but me :weep: