I need to get some things off my chest..

[hatsunemiku]

Hi guys I'm new around here :)
I have to get a few things off my chest.. bare with me..

I'm 21, I have suffered from depression since I was 13 which developed into anxiety when I was 18.

Over the past two years I have been working in retail which I found incredibly hard and stressful. Last month I quit after a change in management as I was crying every other day, having panic attacks in work and could not cope any longer.

Since then I've been looking for a new job but I find it very difficult. I am afraid of having to work too many hours or being trapped in a bad job. The idea of working makes me very upset and stressed however I find it hard being at home at the same time. I become very impulsive when I'm bored and make poor decisions regarding jobs.

I'm applying for university and until then I have a particular job that I'm hopeful to get.. the waiting to hear back this week is killing me. I've been waking up so anxious and I can't relax all day until I'm with my boyfriend in the evening. This makes me think.. am I even well enough to work? If I get stressed out from doing nothing then how can i cope doing anything?

Today I was really bored and I impulsively phoned a nursing home asking to volunteer however when I found out that I had to wear short sleeves I freaked out. I have severe self harm scars which have always been a worry for me as I wonder.. what if I can't work in a particular job because they are offensive? I don't even wear short sleeves in my personal time, not even when I'm alone because I'm ashamed of them :/

Soo yeah this is me unloading my thoughts.. thank you to anyone who reads this.. I'd appreciate any advice on..

1. How to stop being impulsive when anxious?

2. How to deal with self harm scars in the work place?

3. How to stop feeling worthless whilst unemployed?

Thanks again :bighug1:

[Oosh]

hiya

Impulsive when anxious, erm, if ive been impulsive when anxious its because ive been worrying about scenarios/the future and ive maybe quickly stumbled upon what i see as a solution and then said "yeh ! ive got to do that NOW!" haha.

Thing is your mood changes all through the day and whereas that might have seemed like a great idea in that mood then when you were worrying it mightnt seem like a good idea when youre in a different mood 9 hours later.

Youve got to much time to think. Youre in limbo between your job and uni and worrying. Try not to have too much time to worry like that. (hard i know)
Ya know if youre busy doing something else youre just not dwelling on that kinda stuff.

If you DO have an idea, write it down, DONT DO IT, take a look at the note a few times over the next 48hrs in different moods and see how it looks.
You can waste a lot of time making mistakes. Think it through thoroughly first.
Know what youll like and what you wont like etc and run the idea through those.
If its a keeper, pick up the phone and do it.

I have no idea how to deal with self harm scars in the workplace but im sure someone here has :]

How to stop feeling worthless when unemployed.
Keep your eyes on the prize. Uni is a good one. Who are you going to be ? What does it look like ? What does that life look like ? Where will you live ?
Is it realistic ? If not then iron out the probs until it IS actually realistic.
Thats your plan, focus on it. Make sure you commit to it and do it because if you dont ID get depressed. Your plans your hope. Dont focus on unemployment, focus on your plan.

But you have to have a real plan, one that is realistic that youre going to follow through.
Your plan will keep your self esteem buoyant until you hit uni.
Knock everything down in your way once that plan starts.
If its scary, find a way to cope with it.
Find a way to become that future you.

Hope something in there helps.

[hatsunemiku]

@Ooosh
Wow thanks so much for the response :)
You're totally right, the second I get an idea I think it's the perfect idea then I have a crash and regret it, it's extreme highs and lows! Ill definitely start writing things down :) very good idea.

I love your idea of thinking about the future me :) ill write out who I want to be and how to slowly and not impulsively achieve it :) thanks for all your help , all the best to you