Having anxiety and coping with a son with behavioural issues

[xrachykinsx]

Hey, I had my son quite young- I was only 19 but none the less, I'm happily married to his dad and my son is now 3years old. Its only now he's preschool age that the real stresses have appeared and I believe it was a contributing factor to my breakdown last October.

I am getting better now, but still have wobbles. I just wondered if there are any other mummies or daddys out there with challenging children that also have to deal with anxiety/depression. Its hard parenting any child with an illness but when you imagine caring for a ADHD and/or autistic spectrum child...its mega tough. I have had to keep going regardless of how I felt and at times when my son is being particularly difficult (like just a while ago when I picked him up from nursery) it rattles my anxiety a little! I find it hard to accept and cope sometimes. My career and training was in children's care and development so sometimes I feel like a failure because it shouldn't happen to me...I guess actually having a special needs child is a whole lot different to working with them...I'm okay by the way...just be nice if there anyone else that has a similar struggle! Xx

[Oosh]

Hiya

I've got a three year old and a five year old. The three year old is really annoying but that's as far as I can relate I'm afraid :]

Feel free to talk about three year olds as much as you want. I'll try my best.

I had a quick skim on the net for some support for ya.

I found this forum, not sure how busy or useful it is to you.

http://community.autism.org.uk/discussions/health-wellbeing/parents-carers

Website doesn't work on this one but phone number might.
http://www.autism.org.uk/our-services/find-nas-services-in-your-area/local-branches/branches-in-england/branches-in-east-midlands.aspx

http://www.autismwestmidlands.org.uk/content/675253/family_services/support_groups/

http://www.theautismdirectory.com/directory.asp?c=62&region=8&area=0

I'll keep looking around for you.

[xrachykinsx]

Haha Oosh! Most 3year olds are atleast a little annoying! I used to work with 10+ of the little monkeys all in one room..but I could breathe a sigh of relief because I could say goodbye to them at the end of the day..go home, and do what I wanted.

It was a total breeze compared to caring for a son as challenging as mine. Given my childcare background..I sometimes feel like a complete failure as a mummy and often feel like people only think he has issues because I'm a youngish mum. I know that's probably down to my own self esteem more than anything though. It's just hard to recover from an episode like this when you still have that constant and overwhelming stress, because it never lets up! xx

[Oosh]

You're a complete SUCCESS as a mummy because you are THERE !

At some point in the future when he understands more he'll probably say as much. He will probably just thank you for being there.

Has he started his nursery hours yet ?

[xrachykinsx]

Thanks lovely :)

Yeah he has, had the choice of 15hours a week term time or 11hours a week all year. Chose 11 hours as more consistent for his behaviour. Plus when I go back to work I'll only end up paying extra in school holidays for fees. We don't get any help money wise you see....ahhh another stress! Lol

Nursery are aware of issues and have agreed to push referrals...I think the fact I'm a child practitioner forces them along a bit quicker to be honest...perhaps unfair but true xx

[Oosh]

In fact I think I understand what you're saying.

I had my two in an arcade on a pirate ship ride. And this older boy stomped up with his eyes glued to the pirate ship like he just had to and would have it. I was a tad worried at his body language because he was twice the size of my two.
But a girl appeared and was hanging by him as inconspicuously as she could.
Then I noticed a tag on him saying he was autistic or something and understood.

So I guess what you're saying is you feel that when your little dude is looking a bit out of control like that you think others may be sort of saying "she should have control of him!" or something similar.

Oh yeh, that would get on my nerves.

Thing is, parents do that anyway. They look at even normal kids behaviour around their own kids and sometimes criticise or have a dig.
Softplays etc always a potential for agro like that.

I took my boy camping. We were by this stream and all kids playing. This girl came up to my Leo standing next to me and threw stones at him. I'm pretty sure she didn't have anything wrong with her. She was just trouble. No idea where her parents were.

Parents will be annoying and look down their noses at anyone. Even if your boy was near perfect, someone would still moan about something.

Know in yourself youre twice the parent because YOU know he's twice the trouble.

Give yourself a pat on the back, you're doing a great job.

[xrachykinsx]

Thanks hun, you're really kind :)

Yeah that's one of my problems. He hasn't been diagnosed yet so I feel like in limbo because I can't actually excuse his mega meltdowns and bad behaviour. Its hard to discipline a child with speech delay and processing problems, what doesn't help is that my little Oliver is actually not so little...he looks school age so people expect his behaviour to be good.

He is so out of control sometimes. I had to drag him home kicking and screaming today. He is not in control of his emotions and just gets irrate even at positive things or suggestions. My mum and dad admit he's difficult...they had 3 of us and my mum totally knows how much of a struggle he is, she never had problems with any of us. All children have their tantrums, its part of learning but this is so much more then just toddler tantrums, its consistent all day everyday top of the scale tantrums xx