I'm Free

[RoseEve]

I've had anxiety for the past 3 years. My "anniversary" of my anxiety is coming up in May. I had a major panic attack due to smoking cannibas. I couldn't get over the panic. I didn't understand what was happening. I had depersonalization and panic attacks everyday. It was so confusing. I didn't even know what an anxiety disorder was. I knew that was an adolescent I had mild OCD and IBS. But this was intense. I took Zoloft and came out of that horrible time. After that I developed HA. Everyday I was convinced I was dying. I have spend hours upon hours searching for diseases on google. I didn't enjoy life anymore. My husband went to jail very unexpectedly and I was left to care for 2 small children, babies really. My anxiety grew worse.
Then something changed. I decided I was tired of it. I couldn't spend another day thinking about dying. I decided I would rather die then live my life in fear. I asked myself what was scarier, dying or not living? What if I lived? What if I didn't die until I was 100 but wasted my life? It was a turning point. I did actively complete exercises in a CBT book for health anxiety. I do believe this forum has helped me tremendously. I want to thank everyone on this forum for your support. Just knowing there are others that are like me helped me considerably.
I wanted to share this with all of you because there were many times I never thought I'd get better. I've been the the hole of anxiety. I know many of you call it a dragon but for me it's like a deep well that I was trapped in. No light no hope. But I believe I have climbed out of the darkness. Do I have no anxiety now? Of course I do, without it I'm not human. I still have irrational thoughts but I know where to place them and they pass quickly. Those of you down the well, you can climb out. I am going to live my life in the light. Thank you all again for your support.

[Catherine S]

Well done that lady! That's great to hear Rose Eve, and you help a lot of people here too don't forget...it works both ways. Small steps, be proud x

[Superworrier]

thank you for sharing , that really does give me some hope. I have had Anxiety for a few years after losing many members of my family in a short space of time to Cancer, Suicide, blood clot. I thought I had got the measure of until it came back even bigger and stronger in late Jan and I have suffered pretty much everyday until a few weeks ago when I was pretty happy in my personal life. Then tonight it's hit me again it's scares the hell out of as it always starts the same I just feel like I can't breath. Then the panic rises up and the long night ahead begins. I have had some amazing support since joining NMP and I know I couldn't of got through many a night without it .

[mummyanxious]

Super pleased to read this RE X

[Fishmanpa]

Keep up the great work RoseE! Really glad to hear this :)

Positive thoughts

[Tanner40]

Great post, Rose Eve. So glad to hear that you are doing much better. Sounds like you have a game plan and it's working. Keep it up m

[Leslie735]

Glad to hear it! :)

[anthrokid]

Congratulations RoseEve! You've done an amazing job in your recovery :)

I understand your story all too well - my first panic attack was due to unknowingly consuming drugs overeas, and like you, I couldn't get past it and it became a panic disorder and epic HA. It hasn't been an easy road for you or I, but here we are, 3 years later, reaping the benefits of all of our hard work to climb out of the well and into the light.

You deserve this light. You've worked for it :) If ever you have a blip, just remember how far you've come from that deep dark place. You are incredible!

[anxious_thoughts]

Such a great post! It's so refreshing to read. :)
I'm so happy for you, I wish you the best Rose. xoxo