Col
26-04-14, 21:27
Ive had a bit of a turbulent time of late since I had my bubs who's now 5 months. The mum side of my life 100% PERFECT but....... Mine and my mums relationship has finally come to a head. Those of you who know me on here will understand this long, hard hair pulling relationship I've had with my parents and particularly my mum - for a vey long time! I mean the two things that did it this time was her involvement with narcotics with my cousin. I've only just found out she claims she kept it under wraps from me since 2009! Also she named my first baby. My hubby is Muslim background, mines catholic & basically she wouldnt accept the entire baby thing & for various reasons treat me horrendously ( past threads explain all for a good late night read) !
Sooo THE CAREER BIT. I'm very ambitious always get itchy feet. I missed out on a wedding and events surrounding all 3 of my kids birth wrecked AND NOW I FEEL like a complet failure.
After my breakdown and sudden abrupt onset of panic attacks 2011 which derailed my teacher training I've been off at home. Done a bit of voluntary work. But NOW all that hurts resurfaced when I've looked up my old lecturers at uni & any masters part time course to discover - 2 of my old mates are now DOCTORS!!!!!!!!!! OF SCIENCE. I got offered the oppertunity of PhD when I graduated and I just wanted to work. And the had my little boy and then teacher training AND THEN ~ BREAKDOWN and since another baby and that's it!!!! That's me a SAHmum. I love it I just wish I'd actually qualified as something as opposed to just someone with a degree.
I honestly am gutted and it's cut me to the bone! I was academically as good as them if not better! I'm not boasting I wish I wasn't as academically good because there would be no temptation OR pondering at what I could have / Should have done. I don't begrudge anyone achievement if they've worked at it, please dont get me wrong. But I emailed my old friend/peer and she's got one daughter but made out (honestly ) I should attach it so you can read it was, boast after boast after boast. And a little formal no, x or anything. She's been America, Canada, Belgium, italy and Paris. She's been offered plenty of postdoctoral posts. Proper jet setter as though it was a high flying life. Feel sorry for her daughter.
Blah blah ****ing blah.
God I'm sooo down honestly. Love to hear its not just me who feels so crap about career stuff.
:unsure:
Sooo THE CAREER BIT. I'm very ambitious always get itchy feet. I missed out on a wedding and events surrounding all 3 of my kids birth wrecked AND NOW I FEEL like a complet failure.
After my breakdown and sudden abrupt onset of panic attacks 2011 which derailed my teacher training I've been off at home. Done a bit of voluntary work. But NOW all that hurts resurfaced when I've looked up my old lecturers at uni & any masters part time course to discover - 2 of my old mates are now DOCTORS!!!!!!!!!! OF SCIENCE. I got offered the oppertunity of PhD when I graduated and I just wanted to work. And the had my little boy and then teacher training AND THEN ~ BREAKDOWN and since another baby and that's it!!!! That's me a SAHmum. I love it I just wish I'd actually qualified as something as opposed to just someone with a degree.
I honestly am gutted and it's cut me to the bone! I was academically as good as them if not better! I'm not boasting I wish I wasn't as academically good because there would be no temptation OR pondering at what I could have / Should have done. I don't begrudge anyone achievement if they've worked at it, please dont get me wrong. But I emailed my old friend/peer and she's got one daughter but made out (honestly ) I should attach it so you can read it was, boast after boast after boast. And a little formal no, x or anything. She's been America, Canada, Belgium, italy and Paris. She's been offered plenty of postdoctoral posts. Proper jet setter as though it was a high flying life. Feel sorry for her daughter.
Blah blah ****ing blah.
God I'm sooo down honestly. Love to hear its not just me who feels so crap about career stuff.
:unsure: