ROCD is getting too much.

[Shaznayhawkes]

I genuinely thought I was doing better, and that I was getting better at dealing with these thoughts when they crop up but it was obviously just a good patch. All the intrusive thoughts are there, and they're getting harder to deal with. I feel like I'm depressed. I can't concentrate on conversations or things that I'm doing, I have no energy and feel constantly tired and exhausted.
The ROCD is just becoming too much and I'm so scared that the thoughts are real and I'm going to end up breaking up with my partner. I love him, I don't want to be apart from him but the thoughts are causing me to be distant because I'm scared. I just don't feel like I can cope.
I'm constantly analysing and worrying. I feel nervous and panicky and I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I'm frightened of the thoughts.
I also have the thoughts that I'm secretly in love wth my partners brother. I mean seriously, what the hell is wrong with me?? Its ridiculous. It's just too much and I don't know what to do.

[worried 101]

Hey shaznay.
Haven't been on here for ages and was sad to see your thread in the forum. Still gutted that you are having a hard time. Totally sucks.
How long have you been going through this bad patch?
Try to remember that you have been here before and made it through the other side. I know it consumes you but try and remember that so many of us have been established exactly where you are and you are not alone.
I seriously wouldn't worry about your partners brother. When you're already anxious like we are your mind will try to increase it and think of horrible ways it can hurt you. Try to think rationally and think it's there any evidence to back up this thought.? When you feel less anxious you'll wonder what you were thinking!
Ive honestly thought all sort of crazy things!
Keep going hun. Dont let it beat you.
Xxx

[Shaznayhawkes]

Thank you. I think it's been building for a while and whilst I've been getting better it's just worn me down. I'm analysing everything, even down to a cuddle, trying to decide if it's a meaningful cuddle and if it's how everyone else cuddles. Ridiculous I know but it's unstoppable now I've let it in.

I hate it because it ultimately ends with me thinking the same old thought, what if I've just been kidding myself? Which is a trauma on its own.

With regards to his brother, no, there's nothing to back it up. We get on very well and he has a very similar sense of humour to myself and my partner so we all have quite a laugh together. I guess when the thoughts kick in regarding my partner and I'm chatting with his brother it's an ideal time for my mind to 'twist the knife' a bit I guess.

I hope you're doing well? I have to say, i was very glad to see your response, thanks. :)