Forgiveness does help!

[xrachykinsx]

Recently done a lot of thinking (of course....I'm an anxiety sufferer). When I had my breakdown last October I quickly realised who was really honestly there for me, but I handled some situations badly when I was in a poor mental state. I disregarded some of the people I thought were friends, I got so wound up by their lack of sympathy...I totally wiped them from my life. I decided to forgive them and myself today...I still feel they were awful 'friends' but I realise that holding that grudge only makes the grudge have a bigger hold over me and was stopping me from moving on. I haven't okayed their behaviour but I've tried to accept that there were wrongs on both sides. I'm hoping that by being this strong and forgiving that I'm freeing myself of that worry and can clearly move forward without feeling anxious and upset that I done the right thing. I'm also forgiving myself for being so tough and stubborn on myself xx

[aprilmoon]

This is all good stuff Rachy,well done.
I think people who haven't trod this path can't often realize just how awful it is for the person going through it,so I think we have to cut them a bit of slack for that.
It all sounds very healing and positive.
Your friends are fortunate to have you.
Xx

[Oosh]

Im glad youre moving forward like this.

Nobodys perfect, we`re all human. Its easy to generalise and say "these people are cr@p" but none of us are perfect and could all put our foot in it in different circumstances. It takes experience to show us what things can look like from the other perspective.
One day it may be there turn and then they might understand.

So are you going to get back in touch with any of them then ?

[xrachykinsx]

Not going to go back to being all pally... I don't excuse how they treated me at all, I still very much believe they were wrong but I gathered that by being so hostile about it...I was actually only hurting myself...if they didn't care about me before I fell out with them...what was going to make them care when I did? It was more forgiveness to free my own mind really, just clears my mind and allows me to move forward... I saw quite an inspirational quote 'Forgive them...even if they are not sorry, the anger you hold onto hurts you, not them'

xxx

[somerandom]

I have the complete inability to forgive and I never forget. Once someone wrongs me in life (and it happens quite often!) there's no coming back from it.

I don't think I share your strength. :)

[xrachykinsx]

Oh you should never forget... I never will lol.. but being so hostile and negative about it was impacting my anxiety! I was upset and angry that my so called 'best friends' literally turned their backs on me even when I broke down and told them how poorly I was- they literally just said 'oh ok rach' and never bothered to see if I was even breathing for 6months..It's totally wrong, and really rubbish to not show even the slightest bit of concern..BUT...they didn't care, fine, I don't know why I thought actually erasing them completley from my life would make it better, because it didn't change anything other than to just make me more negative about the whole situation, so the forgiving part is more for me than them..I still disagree with how they treated me but atleast I'm free to let it lay now. I never used to be a forgiving person at all, I'm a right stubborn moose at times lol..but really felt it was the right thing to do, and it has helped clear some room in my head :) xxx

[somerandom]

I just don't think I could let that sort of thing just fly. Friends are supposed to look out for you and that attitude I couldn't deal with. It'd be a massive betrayal.

[xrachykinsx]

Well, I didn't let it lay...and found that it actually made me feel worse! lol Because it wasn't eating away at them..it was eating away at me. I haven't forgiven them to be friends again, I've cleared the air, so that theres no awkwardness between us. I live in a very small town...and I'm very likely to bump into them constantly in the summer. Also...they would never have been able to help me out of my anxiety ordeal... it was upto me. It would have been nice for concern of course...but hey, being hostile about it didn't bother them..it only bothered me.. if anything..they may have found joy out of me being so upset and wound up by it.. it's always good to just smile at your enemies... it winds them up more! lol x

[Oosh]

Good move, it's a waste of energy.

You outed some "friends" as not genuine friends, leaving room for genuine friends. It was a blessing in disguise.
Real friends stand by you.

I once walked my dog down at the beach only to see my "friends" cycle past me. There were about ten of them. I think two, who had a bit of individuality said hello and the other sheep just cycled straight past. That goes down as one of the lowest points.

[xrachykinsx]

It is a big knock to your self esteem when 'friends' aren't as good as you thought they were. I think I find it hardest at times because, I'm so caring and kind to others, and I get upset when people just aren't the same back..it's kind of how it goes when you have a big kind heart I think.

I truly believe in being kind to all though, even those that wrong you.. it gets you the right friends in the end, and for those that aren't very good...well..it just annoys them more if you're kind lol xx