What do you think of people with nervous laughs?

[harasgenster]

Ever since I was very young - since I can remember - I've had a nervous laugh. I can't hear it myself, I have no idea I'm doing it, it's completely subconscious. But I'm told that I will emit a short burst of laughter after each sentence (not a 'real laugh' but a little stacatto thing), and I've heard myself do it on recordings.

I didn't used to think about this much because unless someone mentions it I have no idea it's happening. So I also don't know whether it happens all the time or whether it happens in only certain situations.

But it's come up a few times recently. Some perfect strangers have pointed it out (kind of them!) and today I was doing an online interview with the band I'm in and one of the band members pointed out that I just kept laughing "too loud". I didn't remember having laughed at all, so I explained I couldn't hear it (I've told them this before, I don't know why they won't drop it!)

I'd previously told myself there's nothing wrong with a nervous giggle. I've only met one other grown women with this before - and that was recently - and she's a woman I work with. I actually found myself smiling and really enjoying the conversation with her. I knew what she had was a nervous giggle, but it really warned me to her because the laughing made me feel really relaxed.

But after feeling ashamed of it today I did the wrong thing and Googled, just to come up against a lot of search results about how to get rid of nervous laughter and how annoying nervous laughter is, which made me feel really self-conscious - especially as there's no way to control it seeing as I don't know when I'm doing it!

I think there's been a bit of snowball effect here, because this has come after a friend told me the reason men don't come onto me as much as they used to is because I'm shy and "men don't like that". I know that's not necessarily true, but I also believe coming across nervous can make other people feel more nervous, so there's a kernel of truth there. I'm not just bothered about men liking me - I like attention, of course, but I'm not looking for a relationship right now - I'm more bothered about making friends, and this comment just sort of made me feel a lot more self-conscious than before.

So I wondered what others thought. Nervous laughter: Annoying? Uncomfortable? Or pleasant?

[Cheesemonster13]

Well, speaking for myself, I don't mind any kind of laughter, nervous or otherwise.

Next time you are in a public situation, look and listen to the people around you. Many of them will talk too loudly, use repetitive phrases, say daft things, etc. Loads of people (including me) feel uncomfortable when they're out, and this is apparent when you people-watch. It's important to remember that most people are really only concerned about how other people see them, rather than the other way around. People might notice your nervous laugh, they may even comment on it (especially if you ask their opinion :)), but most people won't be bothered one way or the other about it.

Unfortunately, there will always people out there that will say nasty things to someone if they get the opportunity. It hurts, especially when you are sensitive, I know. When they are doing that, they are showing the world how unpleasant (and insecure) they really are. Try to remember that what they are saying, says more about them than it does you.

[markphilips]

nervous laughter is not annoying, I have a nervous cough, didn't realise i was doing it until a few people pointed it out!

[harasgenster]

Thanks for your opinions, that is reassuring. And I think you're right about people saying unpleasant things because they're insecure about themselves. One of the people who upset me a bit is genuinely just not aware that what she said was upsetting (she's a bit like that, it's ok), and the other person I believe also has social anxiety but overcompensates for it. He comes across as outgoing and charming, but he's really pent up about getting social situations "right" and will get annoyed at me if he thinks I do them "wrong", which suggests insecurity to me.

I didn't sleep a wink last night, and levels of insecurity seem to have really peaked this morning (sleep deprivation always makes it worse, though) so I'm giving myself the day off work today. I'd normally force myself to go in, but I'm having a go at valuing myself a little more. :)