Just rambling...

[Charlotteee89]

Hey guys! How's everyone doing? :)

I just want to get a few things off my chest...

My anxiety has been very up & down this past week or so & some days are better than others. Most of my anxiety at the moment is obsessive thinking. I go from one group of obsessive thoughts to another than back around again, it's like a cycle.

Over the last few days my obsessive thoughts are about me feeling uncomfortable that I don't have many friends my own age (24 years old), the reason why I don't never bothered me really (I had SAD for years, & any friends I did have at School moved on etc etc), it's something I just accepted but for some reason my anxiety is forcing me to freak out over it now. The people I see & spend my time with are all younger than me (mainly work-based friends) & I've gotten closer to a couple of girls from work who are not even 18 yet (will be over the next few weeks) & for some reason my anxiety is making me feel uncomfortable about this, like I'm weird... I get thoughts like "OMG How pathetic am I, they're 18! I'm 24! That's not right!" "I should have friends my own actual age.. I shouldn't be friends with 18 year olds!" "Do people think I'm weird for hanging out with younger people?!" :wacko:

I definitely don't look 24 years old however, more like 20 years old so I suppose younger people gravitate towards me? I'm completely over-thinking this whole thing & I'm frustrating myself. My closest friend at work is 19 nearly 20 years old & I feel fine about her age.. I suppose in my mind her age is more 'acceptable' than being friends with girls who are only just going to Uni in Sept. & She's very mature & sensible. & When she invites them out with us I automatically get annoyed & feel uncomfortable about it & all I can think off is "THEY'RE 18 YEARS OLD!" Arghhhhhhh.

I think I know where the trigger came... Blommin' Facebook! All I see on my timeline is girls from my year from High School in serious relationships & having babies, so maybe my anxiety is making me compare myself to them? Maybe they seem more grown up as they've all settled down? Maybe I'm thinking I should be like them? Suppose that's normal when we're hitting our mid-20's.

I'm so very confused with myself.. I'm so sick of all this obsessive thinking malark! My Therapist wants me to be more kind to myself & stop getting so annoyed with myself but I'm finding it really difficult. :whistles:

When I say it out loud or type it it just sounds so silly! :lac:

[Oosh]

Hang around with whoever you want as long as you like them and they like you. Anyone else can get stuffed.

Do that until someone your own age that you like crosses your path and then go "oh, look at her, i like her and she`s my age too. That means ill have more in common with her" then be mates with her too.

Unless she`s got a parking attendant uniform on and is trying to give you a parking ticket, then just run away :|

[Electric_Worry]

You're definitely over-thinking this and obsessing on needless little details, which are becoming magnified due to your problem. It's common and I do the same thing, agonizing over things I really shouldn't. Sometimes I'll remember a conversation I had with somebody and over-analyse a single word, wondering why they chose that one over another. I know it's silly and yet it still happens.

I think sometimes you need other people to tell you that you're fine. When you have anxiety or even depression then you're looking for any excuse to justify the way you feel. We're not always the best judge of our own character when we find ourselves with such conditions.

I would argue that you're making an issue for yourself out of nothing. You're 24 and they're 18. That's a 6 year difference. You'll meet a number of people in your lifetime and connect with them on different levels. You can feel close to people who are a decade older or younger than you and yet feel disconnected with someone the same age. Naturally it can work the other way around, too, but that's the point. You should allow yourself to be friends with people that you want to be friends with and not let other people dictate your relationships.

As for people being in serious relationships and having children, it's not something you want to rush into if you're not ready. It takes some people longer to settle down and find the person they want to spend their life with. Others jump into relationships without much thought. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. You're looking at it from the outside, when the reality could be very different. They may be miserable, wishing they had waited and took things slower. You have you whole life ahead of you and it could be a massive mistake to throw yourself into something you're not prepared to.

I'm rambling as much as you now but I hope this makes some sort of sense.

[Ryan92]

Hi Charlotte, I find it difficult to control my obsessive thoughts too and I'm constantly annoyed at myself :doh:

I hardly have any friends (1 but don't see them vey often) so I start thinking "I'm unsociable" or "I'm strange" or "Im a social outcast". When I was a teen I was friends with someone who was 5-6 years younger than me (don't see them anymore, moved away).

I would worry and think "Im odd" and would worry of what people my own age who knew me would think of me. I would even worry about what people who didn't even know me would think of me and I couldn't control it :doh:

When I was at secondary school and college, quite a few people were in a relationship or were confident people. I would start thinking to myself "I'll never be like them", "will I ever be happy ?". I was the most shy person in my classes at both school and college.

I suffer from OCD, GAD. Nowadays I constantly worry I'll never get out of this rut because of my issues.

I have thoughts like "I'm never going to achieve anything in my life", "I'm never going to meet someone or make new friends", then I feel like I'm back to square one :huh:

Obsessive thoughts are a massive pain in the you know what lol but at least you're not alone :)

Good luck with the rest of your therapy :hugs:

[Charlotteee89]

I know, I'm definitely over-thinking this whole thing! Bloomin' Anxiety!

I'm going out this weekend with my friends from work... My closest friend has invited them out with us & again I'm thinking "No, that's not right, I shouldn't be hanging out with 18 year olds!" I sound horrible saying that! They're lovely girls, I shouldn't have such nasty thoughts about them. :/

I'm really annoyed with myself! I'm equally annoyed about another situation with a guy at work I've been talking to for over a month that I think has been scared off unintentionally by a work friend. Argh! :wacko:

I just want to think 'normally', I mean I go through stages where I seem to be thinking 'normally' but it's so easy for those obsessive thoughts to seep through! I do get anxious over the idea of the obsessive thoughts also - not a good a start!

It's kinda therapeutic typing all this on here, like getting it out of my system! :)

[MyNameIsTerry]

It's no big deal if you all get on well.

I can understand because they are just out of school which is a fair divide, but many people are more mature than their years anyway so they gravitate more to older people as they feel they have more in common with them. If you felt they were immature and in need of people their own age, would you not be drawn to them for friendship? So, you must like them and accept them for who they are and this is just the intrusive thoughts.

I'm not saying you are immature for your age either, but perhaps your required attributes for friends fit into a catagory and they are more mature than their age so and you don't feel the need to look beyond this category for friends with a more mature outlook than you have at this time in your life. I hope that makes sense?

So, if you all like each other, see where it goes.

When I was in my early twenties, my best mate was over 10 years older than me. We just hit it off and became really good friends.

The more you age Charlotte, you will find that age becomes less of an issue in any sort or relationship, it's something that we are conditioned by in schools as their is stigma in not hanging out with your own year. Once we all enter the working world, that starts to go out of the window as those boundaries start blurring.

Has this age gap caused a rift in your relationship with that guy who was attracted to you? If it's him, he is lacking in self confidence as well so he may back off if he doesn't feel comfortable with a potential partners friends but you can deal with this by reassuring him and resolving any behaviour you deem unacceptable by your friends.

[Charlotteee89]

I do generally like them as people, they are lovely girls I'm just getting very frustrated with myself that I can't seem to feel right about hanging out with them because of their age.. It's so stupid! :lac:

Maybe it's coming from my own insecurities too - I am quite sensitive about the fact I definitely don't look my age so hanging out with younger people makes me feel even more awkward? Hmmm.

I think also, most of the girls at work are either younger than me or a lot older than me, I haven't noticed many girls in own actual age range. The girls on my department are exactly that - younger than me or older than me.

Yeah I think I'm still living in 'High School World' in my head where age did matter, I haven't been this social in years so I suppose it's all new to me!

& No, he's just being difficult & confusing & my friend from work decided to ask him questions about me which I think might've freaked him out a little. :doh: I'm so annoyed with her! But he is the master at playing it cool so it could just be him & nothing really to do with what she asked him. Who knows.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yeah, she might have thought it would help but it depends on the guy as it can backfire.

I guess there comes a point where him playing it cool becomes him messing you about. Is he concerned about a public relationship in the workplace?

[Charlotteee89]

I saw her today & talked to her properly about what he actually said, word from word & it was quite harsh but I think he meant it in more of a general way than personally about me as my friend thought there was more to our situation, like we were seeing eachother or something... But I also would expect him to say something along the lines of what he said because actually there is nothing really going on.. We just talk a lot & I've seem him outside of work once. I'm just a bit blah about it now, not sure whether he's playing a massive game or what.

It's not helping my anxiety tbh as I'm constantly thinking about him & the situation & going through all different ideas in my head trying to figure it all out.

He said hello to me yesterday which made me feel better but then he also constantly looked over in my direction which just made me even more frustrated! I decided to text him last night & the convo was quite normal & pleasant. Today I've snapchatted him & he's being a bit off & blunt. Sigh.

:wacko:

[MyNameIsTerry]

Maybe being open about his feelings at work is an issue for him if he's more open outside of there. Some people are like that because in some work places you get people sticking their noses into your relationship. Maybe he's wary of that?

Do you think you should have a chat about how you feel about each other?

[Charlotteee89]

Yeah, he definitely plays it cool at work, he's quite arrogant.

Outside of work he's like a completely different person & I think that's the reason I find him so confusing - he's like 2 different people!

I just don't want to put myself out there & get mugged off, but there's definitely something more but he's sending me mixed signals all the time, almost like he's just as confused as me! He's a Leo (star sign wise) so he's naturally very protective of himself, very big on keeping his pride intact so that doesn't help!

He likes to make out he's some massive ladies man but I don't think he is, it's all one big show/ego thing for him, he likes to be perceived as 'the man'.

I think I'm sending him mixed signals myself... Maybe I need to be more on one level, I think that's his issue.

I've snapchatted him tonight (3 hours ago) & he hasn't opened it yet & of course typical girl paranoia coupled with anxiety is making me think "Oh yeah he must be with another girl.. Why else would he of not at least opened my snapchat!" :doh:

I hate having anxiety.. It just makes everything more dramatic!

[Charlotteee89]

My anxiety has been okay the last couple of days... Still having irrational thoughts pop into my head at random though! It's like a default setting. & I'm trying to 'be nice to myself'.

The guy from work situation has improved somewhat.. I went out last night & he was out too, he stayed out longer as I was out. His mate kept asking me questions about him which took me off guard though - wasn't sure if he had been asked to, was taking the mickey, or being nosey! :shrug: I asked his mate whether he knew about me & he he said he knew "every little detail, everything!" How embarrassing haha!