Humly
06-12-06, 09:30
Sorry, this might be a long one. This is the thing that really kick started my health anxiety. 9 years or so ago I developed Bells Palsy just 10 days before I was due to give birth to my first child and I was quite frankly distraught. I cried all day every day until my baby was born and a bit more afterwards. You see I had imagined how wonderful it would be to have my baby and could see myself smiling at everyone and showing my baby off, feeling so proud (too much tv perhaps?). But instead, I didnt want anyone to see me, hid away for a good few weeks until I started to recover. I sound vain and selfish but I am not really. I was just so afraid that I wouldnt get better and to make it worse I knew of someone who didnt fully recover. If anyone does not know what Bells Palsy is it is a virus that attacks the facial muscles, usually on one side and paralyses one side of the face, rather like a stroke. Anyway, I did recover but it affected me a lot and this was the first time I ended up on antidepressants. Do you know that I felt so bad that at the time I said to myself that I would rather have cancer or something rather than this. This is totally shocking and I apologise for this. Cancer is one of my biggest fears.
I know that this is not a serious thing, not life threatening or anything but I am still scared that I might get it again. What has brought this to the fore again is that I was talking to a lady who currently has this and she has had it 5 times! If only I hadnt talked to her. I thought that it was very rare to get this more than once and of course I am thinking "what if" I get it again. I sound really pathetic I know but I had such an awful time that I cant seem to move on. I dare not google it as I dont want to know the statistics - only that it is extremely unlikely to happen - please dont tell me anything different.
I have self anyalysed myself to death. I understand exactly what I am doing and why I am doing it yet I cannot seem to stop this anxiety roundabout. I need to give myself a reason for being anxious to every now and again I latch on to something and go for it big time. So this is my latest thing.
Sorry this has been so long. Thanks for listening. I cant really talk to anybody about this as I know that I am being irrational and I'm embarassed at how stupid this is. Crikey, you could worry about developing every disease in the world but its not likley to happen is it? I just have to sort myself out.
I'm not currently on medication (dont want to be) but have been taking St Johns Wort the past 3 or 4 weeks. Doesnt seem to be helping much but its more for depression. Any suggestions? Wish I could be more calm about things.
ttfn
LT
I know that this is not a serious thing, not life threatening or anything but I am still scared that I might get it again. What has brought this to the fore again is that I was talking to a lady who currently has this and she has had it 5 times! If only I hadnt talked to her. I thought that it was very rare to get this more than once and of course I am thinking "what if" I get it again. I sound really pathetic I know but I had such an awful time that I cant seem to move on. I dare not google it as I dont want to know the statistics - only that it is extremely unlikely to happen - please dont tell me anything different.
I have self anyalysed myself to death. I understand exactly what I am doing and why I am doing it yet I cannot seem to stop this anxiety roundabout. I need to give myself a reason for being anxious to every now and again I latch on to something and go for it big time. So this is my latest thing.
Sorry this has been so long. Thanks for listening. I cant really talk to anybody about this as I know that I am being irrational and I'm embarassed at how stupid this is. Crikey, you could worry about developing every disease in the world but its not likley to happen is it? I just have to sort myself out.
I'm not currently on medication (dont want to be) but have been taking St Johns Wort the past 3 or 4 weeks. Doesnt seem to be helping much but its more for depression. Any suggestions? Wish I could be more calm about things.
ttfn
LT