Really need opinions on friends fall out!!

[nataliewoods88]

Right, ill start from the very beggining

a fortnight or so ago me and my friends went out to dinner and they were all talking about going on holiday. Naturally the came to me and asked if id go on holiday and i just nooo, i hate flying! which is true and due to my anxiety id never cope on holiday. So just today i logged on to facebook and read a status by one of my friends that three of them had booked a holiday and couldnt wait! ...:huh: My first reaction was shock as i didnt think they'd actually do it! I was also kind of upset as they'd not asked me. I KNOW they already asked me but it was just a half assed ask and i don't think it counted! I literally felt like they'd forgot about me. They'd also forgot about me other friend who wasn't actually at this meal two weeks ago. So i rang her and asked if she knew about it and to her shock too she didnt! She was just as or even more upset than me! The fact is though she does have a child and is out of work so her funds arent as good as say ours but STILL! My theory is they should of asked us properly! Like when they were in the agents today they could of rang us and double checked?!?! Am i wrong for saying this? I feel asthough because they 'sort of' asked me at this meal they are covered and thats why they didnt really ask me but I am being silly for being shocked and alittle hurt they didnt re ask me? And as for my friend they're excuse for not asking her was they knew she couldn't afford it but my friend would have loved an invite, if not more than me and i think she deserves one! :ohmy: Now its all gone too far and we have all come to blows and i feel terrible for feeling the way i did, did i over react? Part of me is jealous (i know) because i can't just hop on a plane and fly away but thats not the reason i am hurt they just booked it with a final invite. Someone please shed some light!! :scared15::scared15::scared15::scared15:

[Fishmanpa]

Right, ill start from the very beggining

a fortnight or so ago me and my friends went out to dinner and they were all talking about going on holiday. Naturally the came to me and asked if id go on holiday and i just nooo, i hate flying! which is true and due to my anxiety id never cope on holiday. So just today i logged on to facebook and read a status by one of my friends that three of them had booked a holiday and couldnt wait! ...:huh: My first reaction was shock as i didnt think they'd actually do it! I was also kind of upset as they'd not asked me. I KNOW they already asked me but it was just a half assed ask and i don't think it counted! I literally felt like they'd forgot about me. They'd also forgot about me other friend who wasn't actually at this meal two weeks ago. So i rang her and asked if she knew about it and to her shock too she didnt! She was just as or even more upset than me! The fact is though she does have a child and is out of work so her funds arent as good as say ours but STILL! My theory is they should of asked us properly! Like when they were in the agents today they could of rang us and double checked?!?! Am i wrong for saying this? I feel asthough because they 'sort of' asked me at this meal they are covered and thats why they didnt really ask me but I am being silly for being shocked and alittle hurt they didnt re ask me? And as for my friend they're excuse for not asking her was they knew she couldn't afford it but my friend would have loved an invite, if not more than me and i think she deserves one! :ohmy: Now its all gone too far and we have all come to blows and i feel terrible for feeling the way i did, did i over react? Part of me is jealous (i know) because i can't just hop on a plane and fly away but thats not the reason i am hurt they just booked it with a final invite. Someone please shed some light!! :scared15::scared15::scared15::scared15:

Sorry... you said no and they know why :( Why would they ask again if they truly feel you'd just say no?

Positive thoughts

[Oosh]

I think to you, you said "ooh no, I couldn't, would be good though, would need to get my head around it though, ooh no, maybe, could I do it" etc

But to them you said "no" :]

They were probably excited about it and had no reservations so were eager to get it done.
I can understand both sides but couldn't be too upset with them. You've got to get in quick to be included in friends hols.

[Annie0904]

Sorry but I agree with Fishmanpa, they had already asked you and you said no so maybe they didn't ask again as they might have felt they were pressuring you. I would say you only needed to be asked once. Since your other friend doesn't have much money and a child to think about, could you maybe arrange a little holiday for the 2 of you in the UK that wouldn't be so expensive for your friend and you wouldn't have to fly?

[nataliewoods88]

yeh i understand i did say no orginally and to them no means no. obviously haha. it such a horrible situation though cos im always one not to leave anyone out and I feel bad for my friend and i feel embarrassed because i may have over reacted! I still feel one last check to see if i defo didnt want to come would of sealed the deal? Like over dinner it was just a passing thing but it became a real thing yesterday? Im getting into a state!

[Oosh]

Well for you it was a real thing yesterday but for them it was already a real thing. They've probably been itching to get something sorted for ages.

Is it too late for you to tag along ?

[xrachykinsx]

In all honesty, I think you are being a little over shocked at this. I personally would have taken the fact you said no over dinner the other night as the final reason statement. I guess if you really wanted to go, they thought you would have said atleast 'maybe' over dinner rather than 'no'

I recently fell out with my friends (See my post 'forgiveness helps') and compared to this little situation..it was much more serious and took a lot of strength on my part to forgive and move on. I think you're being a bit sensitive on this one hun. I agree with oosh though, is it too late to tag along if you told them you'd changed your mind? :) xxxx

[nataliewoods88]

yeh i agree and ive actually apologised as i feel like i was overly shocked and may have over reacted. Im a very sensitive person and with the fact i have such bad anxiety mixed in i didnt cope very well. I wish i could tag along and it breaks my heart to know i never can. My anxiety is far too bad, espcially at the moment for me to even cotemplate leaving my home, my parents and my boyfriend. I wish like hell i was able to though! Thanks for all your replies, it seems everyone had the same answer.

[xrachykinsx]

Don't be too unkind to yourself about this though. It's easy to be oversensitive when you're struggling with anxiety. Everything is heightened xx

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think they took it as a no at the time because of your reasons. Having said that, why haven't they been talking to you and your friend about it? Surely if they did that, it wouldn't have made you feel like this? Maybe they did it because they knew how much you want to do it but couldn't and they didn't want to upset you. The problem is, you would find out at some point anyway, but then they were discussing it publicly on Facebook. They didn't even ask your other friend so again maybe they made the decision not to ask her as they knew her financial situation?

So, whilst I agree about your answer & reasons given at the meal, I don't think they have acted appropriately after that by cutting people out. So, the best way would be to talk it through and make up.