Help scared it's cancer... Feeling alone

[Littlemisssunshine10]

Hello

I'm new to this site but I have come to it needing help and support, I'm very scared and going through a very very hard time at the moment.

Two weeks ago after I had my tooth extracted and the dentist said I had a crockered jaw I think believed my face was wonky and getting worst went to the doctor, private dentist and nhsdentist who all reassured me it was fine this went on for a week or more, I didn't want to go into the the local shop even thinking my face looked deformed I was upset and my partner was getting very angry constantly reassuring me.
This anxiety then disappeared when after the dentist I had a dizzy spell and I was conscience I had a brain tumour even started seeing black dots went to the doctor about 4 times in a week about it. I then woke up with massive tummy cramps and called 111 who put it down to the medicine I had been put on & to see the doctor in the morning which I did and then I have had a pain in my upper stomach and back since I have been worrying about it bad! The doctor said too make feel better she will book me in for a ultra sound and asked if I would like a scan where they put a camera in your tummy. She said I'm not saying you need one but would you like me to refer you, I obviously said yes.


But now I'm so scared and anxious I have cancer! I have a 7 month old and I keep crying, won't look at new houses with my bf as I think I won't be about to enjoy it, keep thinking the worst if being told I have cancer or being ill or dieing and never seeing My son grow up! But what I struggle with is I had bad jaw and time when I was worried about my lopsided jaw, then when I thought I had a brain Tumor I was constantly dizzy and nauseous and saw black lights but as soon as I'm now worried about my stomach and think I have cancer the brain tumor symptoms I thought I had have disappeared and now have this stomach problem!!
Btw I googled it and come up with my symptoms for pancreas cancer and stomach.
I'm sorry it's long and I hope I can have advice from others who know what I can do or give opinions as I think me and my partner close to breaking up as I am constantly going on at him and worrying. I'm upset and moody all the time thinking I have cancer and waiting for my scans.

[AlexandriaUK]

Hi miss moonshine as you realise no one on here can give you medical advice, what we can do is hopefully give you some insight into what's happening in your life and your body.
First off all the symptoms you describe can be totally put down to anxiety as you gave possibly googled, if you haven't then don't it is and always will be the worst place to look for answers about your health, crossword puzzles just not health.
Your Dr is sending you for a scan because they do not have much idea of the best way to deal with HA so reassurance is there only option and hopefuly a scan will make you stop worrying about that at least.
Hope you can come to terms before then.

[Littlemisssunshine10]

Thanks for your reply, I just can't stop googling things it's like I think I can stop something from happening. I had bloods taken and had the results and now I hate the wait.

I have convinced myself it's cancer and finding it difficult to stop it, my life feels pointless as I'll have my son but then will have to go through the pain of leaving him. Gosh I can't stop!! I just panic and feel hot and horrible. Such as I keep getting acid reflux and indigestion so i decide to google it and comes up with cancer.

Sorry to go on I feel insane!

[AlexandriaUK]

You are NOT INSANE I promise, you are suffering from the oldest emotion known to man and beast, fear, sometimes it will feel like there is not going to be a tomorrow, sometimes you will put a specific age you want see, one day you will realise that it is all down to anxiety and it is possible to overcome it you will have to have faith though, faith in yourself faith in your partner but most of all faith in your Dr we may think its our body so we should know better than anyone else but we don't, we just think we do, Drs spend years training to understand what's happening to us so you need to learn trust.

[Littlemisssunshine10]

I never even thought of it as fear, but it is I am petrified, thank you for saying I'm not insane :) I feel it and even my parents look at me like I may be lol I do need faith and to try live for now and stop being negative and thinking the worst.

Don't suppose u have any tips on this ;)

[AlexandriaUK]

I really wish I had some magic words of wisdom that could stop you wasting your best years like I did , but I haven't because no matter what I say to you you will still find a reason for it not to be true, this horrid illness can either take over your life or you can choose with help tomove on from it, I am not saying it will be easy but it is possible I promise.
You have taken the first step by seeing your Dr second step is joining NMP.

[Littlemisssunshine10]

Thanks I appreciate your reply when I feel so close to breaking down. I know it's taking over and my son is the one who will miss out, I have been to doctors been out on propanol and I decided to have a life style change healthy eating and excersie but at this moment it seems wasted I come down to my parents to give my partner some breathing space with what going on and just now I had a panic attack felt scared as I woke up sweating and I read 4 days ago this is a cancer sympton and I know feel I have a dry limp in my throat also a sympton so I ran into my parents rook and broke down they told me I have to get a grip and to stop being silly. I know it may be in my head but I have loads of doubt it isn't. But if it is I know this won't stop it will then go to be something else :( sometimes I feel motivated and like I can take on the world with this anxiety but short lived!

I don't want it to ruin my life and it to take over but I feel unable to stop it! X

[UKmamainUS]

I could have written a variation of your post. Every time I fell a bump, get a new bruise, feel a twinge, etc I panic about it - convinced I am going to die from cancer/leukemia/MS etc. and leave my babies motherless. I think having babies really did a number on my sanity. The poster above is right, it is fear - but it doesn't matter if you know this, you still think "well there is still a chance it is [insert deadly illness here]". Could you talk about going on anti-anxiety meds with your Doc? I personally refuse to do this as I am a stay-at-home mom with no family near by and a husband out of town most of the time, and I do not know how they will affect me - but you can bet that as soon as I know there will be another responsible adult to help me with my kids while I learn how the meds will affect me and my ability to parent, I will give them a go. This is not a decision I have jumped too lightly - so far I have suffered with this for almost 6 years, so I really know what you are going through and how hard it is to go the medication route. You could also try CBT. A lot of people seem to have great success with it. It kind of helps you learn to react to your situations in a more positive way.

I wish I could give you a huge hug, because sometimes that is what you need when you feel alone in all this - a hug from someone who gets it and doesn't think you should just get over it and think happy thoughts. Good luck, and really if you ever want to chat, or just complain about how awful you feel (sometimes it helps to get things of your chest or to discuss your fears with another person who doesn't just think you are crazy), feel free to message me.

[Littlemisssunshine10]

Morning thanks for your reply!

I am on propanol but doesn't seem to be working? It's like I can over come with my worry if that makes sense, I had cbt before and I have booked in with Iapts to have it again but is a big wait so I have decided to pay for cbt starting in two weeks as they are busy too! But I am looking forward to doing it, it just seems to be a new worry every day added on that makes sense with the symptoms! If I was anyone I have tired talking to I would think stop going on, your worrying over something you don't even know is happening! & I try think my blood came back normal and the doctor said she don't think I need it but I still am going on like they don't want tell me the truth and I have all the symptoms for any problem I believe I have. It's funny really I googled it then I had it! What if I didn't google it what would I think??? my partner said if it was him with this he wouldn't of even gone to doctors yet.

I haven't slept, I'm tired, I'm stressed, I have every symptom under the son and I'm so frustrated with my self!! I could scream I want to stop thinking but I can't, it's not fair on my son to have this! But like u and the other commenter has said it doesn't matter what people say I don't believe it.


But I really appreciate your comment & would love a hug from someone who understands lol! I don't really have anyone to talk to who understands. I will defiantly message! Thank you xxx

[AlexandriaUK]

Have you sat down and talked to your mum and dad,partner when you are feeling just a bit calmer?Also you could show them this thread that way they can see that this is a very real illness not something you can just ''snap out of it'' also if you don't get support It just makes It harder,have u had any talking Therapy?

[Munchlet]

Hi

Firstly what you are experiencing is completely normal with HA and you are certainly not alone.

To give you an example which hopefully might make you feel better. I went to the doctor a few weeks ago about an allergy problem. Whilst I was there I mentioned I'd had a couple of strange periods. So the GP I saw instantly referred me for a pelvic ultrasound and blood tests.

I should point out that my blippy periods have been on and off for a couple of years (I am 41 so it's probably age) and I've already had two ultrasounds which were normal but I came out of the surgery and within hours convinced myself the GP thought I had Ovarian Cancer and so the HA spiral began, days of googling, convinced I've had it for years and it's been missed on previous ultrasounds. I've also started having urinary symptoms. So after spending virtually all of last weekend convinced I was on my last legs I finally plucked up the courage to go back and see a different doctor this week.

I told her that I was having urinary symptoms, and by this stage I had flitted from having ovarian cancer, to bladder or kidney cancer. I should also add a few weeks ago I was worried about pancreatic cancer! Anyway I sat down with her for a while and said I was convinced they were sending me for tests because they thought I had something seriously wrong and this was her reply.

"In my heart I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with you. However, we are doctors, if you come to us with symptoms regardless of whether we think they are caused by your anxiety we will send you for tests to give you reassurance and to ensure that there is nothing untoward going on. Unfortunately this will add to your anxiety in the interim because you will instantly think we think there's something wrong which the majority of the time is not the case. If we think there's something wrong we will tell you but we also know if we don't do the tests you will just continue to worry and this seriously affects your quality of life and impacts on your everyday life so we have to do the tests otherwise you will just continue to worry and more than likely increase your symptoms."

I came out feeling quite reassured. I also told her I was having urinary symptoms and I described them and she said "I'm not doing any more tests on you at the moment, you are anxious enough and whilst I know you are going to be in turmoil over the next few weeks until you have your ultrasound I think that once you have that everything will setttle down.

So they don't withold information from us and whilst they obviously have to do tests to cover their backs they recognise anxious patients and know that they have to do this to provide the reassurance we seek.

As she said, unfortunately in the interim it does increase the anxiety but try and be assured that these are just precautions and as I say they know what we are like. If they had just sent you away and not offered tests you would be worried they weren't taking your symptoms seriously and you would still be thinking the same thing anyway so it's best to have the tests and get the peace of mind you need.

She also told me that with anxious people we notice every single symptom and she's not saying that they are imagined but people with anxiety tend to take a lot more notice, the stress then kicks in, added hormones etc and it just makes it a whole lot worse.

I'm sure everything will be fine. When they really think there is something wrong you don't wait around for appointments. A friend of my mums is going through bowel cancer and within 2 weeks of seeing her GP with initial symptoms, she has been referred, had a colonoscopy and biopsy, seen the consultant and been operated on. So if they are concerned, the referrals tend to be pretty quick.

Take care

[Littlemisssunshine10]

I have a but they end of getting angry and saying "it doesn't matter what we say, you won't listen will you?" And then get frustrated such as my partner has come to my parents tonight I came earlier and he text me saying if u go on and keep wanting me to reassure you I'll go home I don't want another weekend ruined. He is lovely, even thou he doesn't seem
It by what he says he just only noticed physical illnesses. I try speak to him thou but as soon as I mention anything I burst into tears. I had cbt therapy twice before once when I crashed my car and once when I was worried about swallowing. But nhs has a waiting listand I paid for private counselling but it's expensive and a 2 week wait :( I spoke to my doctor today on the phone as I want get this sorted but she said try to think positive, your bloods came back fine and if we thought you had cancer we would have to tell you. Then mentioned anti depressants but said we will discuss them after the scan if it doesn't reassure me. But I don't really want that. It sounds silly but i brought an overcoming health anxiety book for help! I really want to over come this because I know it will get worse such as I worries today as I got dizzy what if I have a brain tunor and everyone looking at stpmah cancer and missing what's wrong. Sorry to go on I feel very pathetic. I am trying to change my lifestyle eat more healthier and excersice but it's difficult to excercise with my son. My jaw is aching today as I'm clenching it lots and my shoulders are painful also I feel hot and clammy. It's just getting too much. Thank yor for replying it's so nice to talk to someone that understand xx

---------- Post added at 17:47 ---------- Previous post was at 17:44 ----------

Btw I take propanol but doesn't seen to help much