View Full Version : Missing People And Their Advice
I never knew that it was possible to get to know people on the Internet and then miss them when they weren't around much anymore. There are so many people that helped me during the last six months on NMP, and it seems as if most of them are gone now. I must say that I miss their positivity and their sage advice. Kicks up a bit of my abandonment issues for me, if truth be known.
I feel a bit lost on this forum now, as I'm not sure where I fit in. Seems as if there is an entire crop of new folks everyday and it seems that the content of the posts is a bit different than what it used to be. When I respond or give advice, sometimes it feels as if no one is listening. And when I post, which I haven't done much, it seems as if all I get are the comments of, "I've had that too".
I long to see more posts about recovery. Maybe I'm just not looking hard enough. Maybe I need to take more time to get to know new folks.
Not sure where I'm going with this post. Just needed to get it off my chest. NMP is still a great place. For me, it just doesn't feel the same right now. Not sure if it's all in my imagination or what I can be doing differently.
Thanks for listening.
It's not your imagination :( It's discouraging and frustrating in many ways as I've seen those that have taken the steps to healing, grabbed the Dragon by the horns and kept him at bay. They've recognized that the forum can have a negative effect on their recovery and moved on. A few come around and offer advice but quickly move on when they see it's to no avail. When you see so many new members in the midst of the fire, knowing nothing you say will really make a difference it's... well... a rather helpless feeling :( Much of the positivity has waned and has been replaced with symptoms and reassurance seeking.
Positive thoughts
Hey Tanner
I guess I am one of the folk you are talking about, and I know what you mean. There seemed to be a period of time where there was a group of people who were utterly determined to tackle their anxiety and to a greater or lesser extent deal with it.
I remember Katie's early posts about being convinced that she had lung cancer, yet I still text her from time to time and we don't even talk about HA.
I have to be honest, and I don't want to rake over old ground, but I got put off by a few threads that I found myself in somewhat unpleasant debates. I still have HA, I just managei t far far better than I used to and can see there is room for further improvement, and I reached the point where it became unhelpful for my a ability to stay on an even base. I also felt that if I held myself up as making progress that I was setting myself up for a public fall.
Both of these things are wrong as I can see there are people on here who genuinely suffer on a day to day basis and I do think people need to hear stories like yours, mine, Katie's Honey's and others that i am sure I have missed to show that not only is there a way to improve, but there are some very sensible strategies you can adopt to get there.
I pop back daily, but like you, I find it much easier to contribute to posts asking for support with anxiety than I do to respond to those that talk about specific symptoms etc.
If you ever feel like you want or need to chat PM me and I will make sure I get back to you :)
I'M STILL HERE!!!:D:D:yesyes:
..but I know what you mean
Sarah
I'm still here and struggling! Have really appreciated your replies to my posts, so thank you. Now about week 9 I think on citalopram 20mg. Told the GP it wasn't really helping with the anxiety (really struggling at the moment) but he just said keep going. Still can't work out if the anxiety is causing my stomach issues or vice versa. Feeling quite weird and have had to take diazepam too this week. Had such hope of these pills and now thinking I feel worse rather than better! Please don't leave, we need you x
It's people like you that make this forum so good and have helped me to keep battling the dragon that is anxiety!
Hello Tanner!
I am also still here, but like you wrote, sometimes returning brings up some unwanted memories (well for me it does atleast) so perhaps that's why some have moved on. I miss the likes of TooMuch and KLP, Phuzzella, yourself and Fishmanpa among many many others but I suppose for some this may be a hard place to come back too.
I miss all of the dragon talk :(
As CPE and Fishmanpa pointed out, it was a group effort before but that feeling has seemingly dissapeared. Almost like we were all helping each other through a sandstorm but we some how got lost. Now the storms lost a little bite we are all looking for eachother and that spirit that flowed between us.
Maybe that's just me, as you can see my silly analogies haven't got much better *sigh* :roflmao:
It's nice to know that we have actually valued each others help so highly, well I do anyway, it can become an awfully lonely road! I'm still walking if anyone would like to join me :)
xBettyBoopx
02-05-14, 13:41
I would say that 90% or more of people on here are like you don't want them to be! I am one of them obviously. I am sorry my posts are not to your liking but you have your opinion. Let me see what exactly it is that you are saying.......there were a few people on here who don't come on anymore because they are on the mend and you want them to come back? Or want other people to be like them because you miss them?:wacko::wacko: This constant bashing of people who come here for reassurance from others who are going through the same thing has really hacked me off! Some people have been kind enough to answer you and tell you that they "have had it too" and now you are berating them for it? I dunno......what do you want them to say? They can only say what they know, unless you want people to make something up?!
You say that you long to see more posts about recovery, that can only happen if people have actually recovered! You are looking for people to give you positiveness in the same way that people are looking for reassurance. We can't find reassurance from anyone other than someone who has gone through the same thing and you can't get positiveness out of a negative situation. However there are many books on positiveness that you can read:
The power of positive thinking ~ Norman Vincent Peale
Everyday Positive Thinking ~ Louise L Hay
To name a couple.
Hi Tanner, I'm still around although not posting very much. The majority of threads lately seem to be just asking about symptoms rather than looking for help with anxiety, so I don't really post on them but try to add in little posts here and there about treating the root of the problem.
Don't be discouraged on your own path, as some of the others said you can always PM me if you want to have a chat on a bad day, I will reply if I'm at a computer. It will swing back around again, these things seem to happen in waves on here.
I've been having some actual health problems myself lately, and amazingly have not been very anxious about it, I'm just taking it as it comes and doing what I can to take care of myself. I'm surprising myself with it, I've definitely changed a lot over the last year :)
I would say that 90% or more of people on here are like you don't want them to be! I am one of them obviously. I am sorry my posts are not to your liking but you have your opinion. Let me see what exactly it is that you are saying.......there were a few people on here who don't come on anymore because they are on the mend and you want them to come back? Or want other people to be like them because you miss them?:wacko::wacko: This constant bashing of people who come here for reassurance from others who are going through the same thing has really hacked me off! Some people have been kind enough to answer you and tell you that they "have had it too" and now you are berating them for it? I dunno......what do you want them to say? They can only say what they know, unless you want people to make something up?!
You say that you long to see more posts about recovery, that can only happen if people have actually recovered! You are looking for people to give you positiveness in the same way that people are looking for reassurance. IWe can't find reassurance from anyone other than someone who has gone through the same thing and you can't get positiveness out of a negative situation. However there are many books on positiveness that you can read:
The power of positive thinking ~ Norman Vincent Peale
Everyday Positive Thinking ~ Louise L Hay
To name a couple.
I don't think Tanner's post was designed to be divisive, or to suggest that one type of post were better than another, or more valid. I think her point was that, for her, the posts that have helped her most have not been the posts about reassurance - although she was in the place once too, but the posts about strategies for dealing with anxiety and recovering from it.
I don't know how that becomes construed as some sort of implied criticism, but knowing Tanner as I do I cannot imagine that to have been the case.
I do agree with the point though in the sense that I can't meaningfully contribute to threads about different symptoms, but I can and do try to actively have discussions about different strategies for recovering from an anxiety disorder. I reiterate - neither is more valid than the other. The problem is (I think) that there are so few posts that discuss anxiety and so it is tricky to find a place when you are here for that purpose sometimes. It isn't about reading positive rhetoric in books it's about fostering peer support that works for everyone and where people are pushed on to progress.
I know exactly the period of time that Tanner is talking about. It seemed that there was a coming together of a group of people all at the same stage. I was one of and together we spurred each other on to move to a better place. I am in no doubt that I would not be where I am now without these people, I suspect I would still be in a rather darker place.
I will be forever grateful for that support that was right for me at that time. Horses for courses but the sort of post that kicked me up the bum doesn't seem to exist so often nowadays.
Rennie1989
02-05-14, 15:09
Tbh, the reason why I don't post very much is for a multitude of reasons:
- I get fed up of saying the same thing over and over again (no offence to anyone)
- My posts come across a bit crass
- The more detailed and time consuming help I give goes without thanks (not that I help for that purpose)
- My medication is taking time to settle, thus making me fly off the handles and what not.
I am really sorry that you're not getting the help you're looking for. You're an awesome guy/gal (my bad for not knowing which!!) and don't be discouraged. In my ten years of membership I have seen this forum go through stages of positivity to negativity, constantly helping to constantly asking for help, friendship building to constant arguing and so forth. I was away for a few days and never have I seen so many people asking for help for a multitude of reasons!
We're still here for you, Tanner :)
Betty Boop - I REALLY don't think Tanner meant that at all, I think you've got the wrong end of the stick there ;)
There have been several threads in the recent past that were of a similar theme and some felt offended or singled out. That's obviously not the case nor intent.
The anxious mind is a complicated mind, and that along with the written word means words and meanings can and will be interpreted differently. One cannot imply inflection nor tone so ones own personal state of mind can influence how the words and meaning is absorbed.
Positive thoughts
Worried 24/7
02-05-14, 16:10
I am one of the ones who is always seeking reassurance. It is my stepping stone. I could go on Google and terrify myself or I can come here and hear stories from others with my symptoms who didn't fall over dead the next day. Someday I hope to be able to control my feelings without the need of reassurance. But I have to start somewhere and this is what is helping me stay off Google. Someday I hope to be a recovery story, but for now I'm just a work in progress....
AlexandriaUK
02-05-14, 16:26
I know that Its hard to come on here when you have got your anxiety moderately under control, also I think that sometimes when I answer someone trying to help them and they or no one else answers I feel like I have killed the thread so puts me off coming on and then I don't know what to do, this site helped me when I was struggling so much so trying to help helps me, what a ramble LOL
As with so many conversations that pop up from time to time about this, it isn't about a right way, it is about a variety of ways and a mix of people at different stages in their journeys.
Worried, we all started at the point you are describing and it is possible to push beyond :)
I don't post nearly as often as I used to for a few reasons:
1) I realize that only I can change this and obviously the reassurance from others hasn't helped much as I still suffer daily with thoughts of sudden cardiac death and heart problems.
2) I felt like a whiner
3) anxiety makes me very sensitive so when others would make remarks about me seeking reassurance I would take it as insult whether intended or not.
4) the supportive good natured feel of the forum seems to have disappeared through no ones fault.
That being said sometimes I have really bad days this week being more so as my father is in hospital and the one year anniversary of my father in laws death is Sunday so I am struggling. I actually don't mean to come on and seek reassurance although it sounds like it, I am more looking to vent and have an understanding sympathetic ear from those who have been where I am
I don't post nearly as often as I used to for a few reasons:
1) I realize that only I can change this and obviously the reassurance from others hasn't helped much as I still suffer daily with thoughts of sudden cardiac death and heart problems.
2) I felt like a whiner
3) anxiety makes me very sensitive so when others would make remarks about me seeking reassurance I would take it as insult whether intended or not.
4) the supportive good natured feel of the forum seems to have disappeared through no ones fault.
That being said sometimes I have really bad days this week being more so as my father is in hospital and the one year anniversary of my father in laws death is Sunday so I am struggling. I actually don't mean to come on and seek reassurance although it sounds like it, I am more looking to vent and have an understanding sympathetic ear from those who have been where I am
Scrum,
Do you see that your post is light years ahead of where you were? There's a lot of self realization and acceptance in the above. You may feel like you've not made much progress but on the contrary, this post is proof that you have!
Positive thoughts
Having been on NMP for a year I have received loads of support so I come on here to give support to others (I hope)....... It helps my recovery to know that I can give advice to others...... may be that is what is lacking at the moment on NMP....people asking for advise but not giving it in return:huh::shrug:
I don't come on here as much as I used to for several reasons, the main one being I'm hoping to move house soon :wacko:, and never have any spare time. I've recovered from my anxiety wobble and I think posting on here and reading others posts helped me a lot.
It has changed a lot since I started on here,maybe the changing season plays a part in that?
Thank you folks for being as bonkers as I am :shades::).
And for all the newbies, your recovery lies mainly in your own hands, you'll get there:hugs:
Wow, I guess I'm one of the guilty ones as well. I know I can ramble and freak out a lot but I do try to offer help to others. I need to work more on my positivity and stop my whining so much :) but I honestly do love and appreciate all the advice I am given
Well, I just got off of work and came home to this interesting thread. First off, this thread was aimed at no one person or at any particular group of people. I came on NMP, initially looking for tons of reassurance. Reassurance seeking post after reassurance seeking post, that was me. I feel so privileged and lucky that there was a group of people on here that helped me immensely. Chris, Skippy, HoneyLove, Rennie, Fishmanpa, Katie, Too Much, Luna, Mr Andy and forgive me for those I haven't mentioned.
As Chris said, there was a group of people who were a mess yet relentlessly pursued advice and strategies and coping mechanisms. We utilized them and continued to post about our miseries and our successes. Yet we continued to fight the dragon with all of the armor at our disposal, picking up new tools at every given opportunity. (I miss the dragon lore too, Luna).
There was a sense of camaraderie that overpowered the anxiety. Together there was a sense of purpose. There was joking amidst the storms.
I woke up this morning missing those people and that sense of camaraderie. I missed the sense of giving back to this community, as it has given to me. Do I want those people to come back here if it is not a good place for them to be? Absolutely not. But I still miss them.
It's okay to be having a rough time, like JillyB admits and Worried. I've been there. NMP helped get me out of thatbplace, but I had to be willing to work together and take the advice that was given. There were times I had to grow a tougher skin.
Today, how am I doing? Really, really well. That wasn't what this post was about. I want to be a part of helping others who really need and want that help. I'm not going anywhere at the moment. My post was nostalgic at best and that was it's intent.
For anyone that was offended, you might look deeper inside. There are no right or wrong posts. I don't want anyone to change the way they post. That is their need and their right. We are all at different places along our journey. I just want to help those not as far along as myself and learn from those farther along the path than myself.
What is it that they say about the winds of change?
TooMuchToLiveFor
05-05-14, 00:26
Hello, my dear friend, Tanner……I finally popped in and scrolled through a few pages of threads and found this one……so I wanted to let you know that I miss you too. Planning on posting a "catch up" thread either under "Misc" or just under my "Dragons" thread……., but I wanted to say hi here too…..Hugs!
The problem for me is this:
This forum is full of people who are desperate for reassurance about whatever their current symptoms may be. It's a never ending stream of new threads about symptoms, usually ended by 'does anyone else get this?' or 'is it cancer?'
I know from experience that this is a cycle that is very difficult to break out of, and it's easy to relapse once you think you're making progress.
Quite often I have spent half an hour writing a post about what people need to do to overcome their health anxiety, but although a select few (like you Tanner) will take it on board and try to learn from it, the thread quickly gets lost on page 3-4 due to this barrage of new reassurance-seeking threads. Which then leads me to think 'why did I bother'? Time is precious and although I really want to help people, I can't do this for nothing anymore. This was partly the motivation for writing my book, and although it's had great feedback I'm sure there are some who resent me linking to it or talking about it.
I'm not sure what else I can do because I don't see a way of breaking through the endless stream of reassurance-seeking threads. Reassurance does not help. Maybe a separate forum for people who have taken the first steps and who are really resolved to beat this? Perhaps Nic could charge a nominal monthly fee for this in order to keep the numbers manageable, and keep the people who provide great advice there without their posts getting lost.
I do think something needs to be done, as we're going round in circles here. Well done Tanner for starting a thread like this.
Good Morning Too Much and Skippy. It does seem like we're going a bit in circles here, Skippy. But it's felt that way to me for awhile.
I was once one of those people seeking that seemingly never ending round of reassurance. Somehow I managed to break free from that. Not that there aren't days that I want to ask for it. so you and I both know that the cycle can be broken. Takes much hard work but it can be done.
My problem is not with the reassurance seeking but with the fact that sometimes it seems that no one is listening. It seems like a longer post with really good advice can go ignored, while a "yes, I've had that before" is replied to many times over. Part of the issue is it takes a long time to read a longer post and it takes a longer time to write that advice and experience.
Sometimes, I'm just not sure where to answer a thread because there are so many that just seem to be looking for reassurance. Thus my earlier comment about not being sure where I belong on this forum at times. I find myself searching for a post to respond to and reading through many that I have nothing to offer to in the meantime.
Just frustrating for me at times, but not nearly as frustrating as being caught up in the HA cycle of reassurance. Early on in the HA cycle, postings of that nature seem necessary. I just see so many people suffering and miss the balance that I used to see on NMP.
Guess that about sums it up.
it seems that no one is listening. It seems like a longer post with really good advice can go ignored, while a "yes, I've had that before" is replied to many times over.
IMO... it hurts to hear truth. As ironic as it seems, it appears many times that a person almost wants to be diagnosed with their worst fear. How many times does someone go to the doctor, several doctors, a plethora of tests only to be told their not physically ill and sound almost disappointed when it comes down to anxiety? And STILL... they sink back into the pattern of doubt over the same symptom or a new one.
Anxiety is an illness just like any other illness in that it can be treated. Unfortunately, it's more than a pill that helps to heal. In so many ways, it's a lifestyle change that's needed to defeat the Dragon. You have to do certain things on a daily basis to keep it away. I developed "scanxiety" and for good reason. My fear is recurrence of my cancer. I use the same techniques many here use on the road to healing. It works for me but I have to consciously make an effort and work at it to get my mind out of the spiral of negative thinking. It's hard work but worth it. I don't have time to deal with it so I make time to keep it away.
I've obviously written many posts and while many have been taken in a positive light, just as many have been buried so I understand the frustration. I'm afraid my time is becoming more and more limited due to this feeling.
Positive thoughts
Surely, if this is a 'no more panic' forum, panicking about symptoms and what the possible causes are is relevant??? When anyone is in a state of panic about their health and is after all drawn to a forum where 'health anxiety' is the main topic judging by the numbers who are viewing at any one time, why be so derisive about them? Some people are on their way to recovery via whatever means they've found has helped or is helping or some are just stuck in that horrible anxious state that we've all found ourselves in, hence looking for something like this forum. I've found from personal experience, that if I headline with something dramatic because that's where I'm at at the time, I get chastised for being over the top and then most of the time, my posts don't get answered so I've taken to lurking more than anything nowadays. I'm doing my best to deal with my anxiety as best I can but obviously, some people won't think it's enough. It's sometimes enough, just to get things off your chest in a friendly, supportive environment and know you're not going to get judged? Finally, you say that it's not the same forum but to be honest, looking back through all the old posts from years gone by, I don't see much difference??? There was one girl who used to post prolifically with the most basic of things, but the responses she got were sometimes in the 30s and 40s, which I could never understand. It's the same on all forums, new members come in and old ones disappear. I think we all deserve respect for wherever we are on our journey from this horrible, stupid affliction.
Very rarely do I post because no one can help me with my problems- but I will help anyone out as best I can.
A lot of my friends have disappeared for some reason. Lots of new people though.
I look on here almost every day.xx
Surely, if this is a 'no more panic' forum, panicking about symptoms and what the possible causes are is relevant???
i am not sure the OP was saying that they weren't relevant, just that she missed a different sort of post.
When anyone is in a state of panic about their health and is after all drawn to a forum where 'health anxiety' is the main topic judging by the numbers who are viewing at any one time, why be so derisive about them?
i am not sure anyone was being derisive, and I think that when there have been posts like this in the past, this is the direction they have gone. I haven't time right now to forensically look at each post, but don't think any were derisive in terms of being critical of posters, more seeking a gre balance.
Some people are on their way to recovery via whatever means they've found has helped or is helping or some are just stuck in that horrible anxious state that we've all found ourselves in, hence looking for something like this forum.
the question for me is whether this forum is only for people in a horrible anxious state or also needs to create space for people who are improved, improving, but not still where they want to be?
I've found from personal experience, that if I headline with something dramatic because that's where I'm at at the time, I get chastised for being over the top and then most of the time, my posts don't get answered so I've taken to lurking more than anything nowadays. I'm doing my best to deal with my anxiety as best I can but obviously, some people won't think it's enough. It's sometimes enough, just to get things off your chest in a friendly, supportive environment and know you're not going to get judged? Finally, you say that it's not the same forum but to be honest, looking back through all the old posts from years gone by, I don't see much difference??? There was one girl who used to post prolifically with the most basic of things, but the responses she got were sometimes in the 30s and 40s, which I could never understand. It's the same on all forums, new members come in and old ones disappear. I think we all deserve respect for wherever we are on our journey from this horrible, stupid affliction.
I suppose to sum up, I don't think anyone is disrespecting anyone, but it does seem when there are threads such as this one started by Tanner that it evolves in to people interpreting it as an attack. I don't think for a second that is the original intention.
The debates that span from a thread like this seem to put posters at odds. I suppose for me there are two questions.
Firstly is this forum designed for both those posters who are in desperate need of reassurance and aren't ready to tackle their anxiety in a sense that it is widely accepted that to do so effectively requires one to move on from reassurance seeking. My answer would be absolutely yes, we must ensure that this forum remains appropriate for those people. I think you sum it up well, that there is a need for people to let off steam in a place where they know people understand.
Secondly however, is whether or not there is space on here for people who are further along on their journey to discuss strategies for coping with anxiety and strategies for recovering. I think one of Tanner's points and one I have tried to make in the past is that often these posts get squeezed out. Personally having now moved on (through a whole lot of blood sweat and tears) from a phase in my HA where I had the constant need for reassurance, the lack of posts discussing recovery is one of the reasons I don't post more. I don't really have anything to add to posts that discuss symptoms.
So rather than bickering about the relative merits of posts that discuss one thing or another (which is where these threads inevitably end up), perhaps our time would be more usefully focused on figuring out how we best create an environment where all types of posts flourish.
After all, as a newbie, if you were only presented with a whole load of people talking about how well they were doing you might view it as completely unattainable without seeing posters who were also struggling like you. However equally, if you enter as a newbie and see lots of people in the depths of HA with no posts showing a light at the end of the tunnel then I can imagine that could be equally as counter productive.
Not sure if any of that makes sense as I am trying to supervise my kids bike riding whilst typing ;)
I know Tanner didn't mean anything nasty with his post but it just makes me sad to think that those who have managed to pull themselves out of the abyss and grab the dragon by its horns and finally feel free from their mental suffering sometimes then think that others should just be able to do that also. Everybody is at a different stage on here and so will still reiterate that it seems hurtful that because somebody supposedly ignores the advice given by someone who is free of their anxiety then they may as well not bother with the forum any more. Maybe start a forum forum called 'No more health anxiety....success stories only please'.
We live ina world of worry and panic, we are bombarded daily with news about the worst of diseases, which creates the impressions, that they're a lot more spread than they actually are in reality, and that it's just a matter of time before people get it.
At the same time, our easy access to all kinds of information basically about anything, including these diseases and conditions, is enabling us to seek our own diagnosis. The problem is, that certain symptoms can be a result of hundreds of different reasons.
The mind of a hypochondriac will focus on the worst, because of our underlying issues, which manifest themselves in (health) anxiety - that's a universal pattern, and as many have emphasized before, it's a tough circle to break free from, and even when you think you're making progress, you can quickly relapse.
In my opinion what you (older) members are feeling is a direct result of the fact that this website pops up as one of the first on Google when people are seeking information about anxiety and symptoms. Considering there's more and more people struggling with mental illnesses, you'll see that a lot more.
I know Tanner didn't mean anything nasty with his post but it just makes me sad to think that those who have managed to pull themselves out of the abyss and grab the dragon by its horns and finally feel free from their mental suffering sometimes then think that others should just be able to do that also. Everybody is at a different stage on here and so will still reiterate that it seems hurtful that because somebody supposedly ignores the advice given by someone who is free of their anxiety then they may as well not bother with the forum any more. Maybe start a forum forum called 'No more health anxiety....success stories only please'.
I totally agree Jules. I am suffering really badly right now and only recently discovered this forum. I have found it very helpful and comforting, however, after this post I am a little disheartened.
H :-(
I totally agree Jules. I am suffering really badly right now and only recently discovered this forum. I have found it very helpful and comforting, however, after this post I am a little disheartened.
H :-(
I agree too, I have suffered with anxiety since childhood. I've been on this and other forums for over ten years on and off. They change as members come and go, but sometimes on here I've felt like I was being told off for not getting on top of my anxiety or for being in a bad place with it. I have had two courses of CBT, I've been on medication, I've done hypnosis, tired acupuncture, homeopathy, two years of weekly counseling, numerous self help books, journaling, you name it I've done it, some things have worked better and for longer than others. Bottom line is, I still have a lot of bad times when I find it hard. Sometimes I come on here and just get 'why aren't you dealing with your anxiety?' I understand the sentiment, I really do, but for me, sometimes I just want to know that people understand what I'm feeling when I have nobody in the world to talk to. The main thing for me is knowing I'm not alone.
I am not sure there is any need to feel disheartened. As I said, I don't think this is a thread of one thing is fine and another isn't, but more a question of how you create space for both.
Conversely I think that people often assume that people who tend to post in the way that Tanner is describing have reached a holy grail of recovery of some sort. The reality isn't quite like that, or at least for me it isn't.
I am dead chuffed with the progress I have made over the past six months, from barely leaving bed in August to enjoying life this May. I believe I have something to offer others in terms of strategy however that shouldn't be construed as judgement. Just quite simply that I haven't experienced 90% of what people describe on here and even if I have don't have too much to comment on, so all I have to offer is what I did to feel better about life.
However, recovery isn't absolute, it isn't a line in the sand, it is a process and a spectrum. I measure success in terms of positive trajectory rather than arrival at a particular point. I am still anxious, I still suffer from anxiety and so consequently I am not just someone who tries to give support, I am someone who needs it too - I think the crux of Tanner's original post. It is just I need a different sort of support.
I don't think a forum for 'success stories' only is the right move. I don't consider myself a success story,more of an incomplete book which has the initial chapters of success but needs kicking on and supporting to help write the final chapters.
I probably haven't explained that well at all, but people need to be clear that discussions like this aren't designed to be a criticism.
Oh for Pete's sake, I am going to try and explain this one more time. My intent was never to put anyone down for whatever level of recovery that they are at, at any given point in time. My intent was never to judge anyone. I was where you were, at the bottom of the barrel of anxiety, about six months ago.
This forum was a godsend for me. I needed posts that told me that other people understood the symptoms that I was having. I needed the reassurance of someone saying that their chest hurt as well, and it was anxiety, not a heart attack.
I certainly never said anything derisive, nor meant anything of that nature. I have the ultimate respect for anyone suffering anxiety and trying on a moment by moment basis to make it through the day.
I just stated my feelings: that I missed certain people and I missed a balance of posting. I am not on the Yellow Brick Road of Recovery. I'm still searching for the Wizard. But I will never find the Wizard if I don't take in, on some level, the experiences and the advice of those that are a little farther down the road than myself.
As for judging people and their feelings and their posts, I don't think I'm the one judging here. If you feel judged, then you're not reading what I have written, and I have written it from the heart. There is a place for everyone on this forum, everyone. If you don't believe that, go back and look at the threads I've responded to and the people I've tried to help. Go back and read my early posts, begging for reassurance.
But please don't tell me what I think or that I think that I am superior to anyone else. I missed my friends and I miss seeing more positive posts. That was the point of my original post, period.
Just let it go Tanner... SSDD if you know what I mean...
Positive thoughts
So right, Fishmanpa. Words of wisdom!
I think it's quite natural for certain people to stick together so to speak. Seemingly little groups of friends have previously been created as there are now I suspect. I have sort of felt an 'inbetweener' where I felt I didn't really fit in to any old or new groups formed.
I personally don't come on here as much, mainly because I felt that reading different symptoms or illnesses wasn't helping me. I haven't googled for about 2 months for fear of coming across some illness I had never heard of but filling my brain with a load of unwanted knowledge. Personally for me ignorance is bliss and I found that reading people's symptoms were adding fuel to my fire. Does that sound confusing?
I'm in a much better place than I was 6 months ago, I've not felt too great the last couple of days but certainly nowhere near as bad as I was previously and much of that was down to reading the positive outcomes on here and giving myself a good old talking to.
However, we all have to start somewhere and with HA it appears that many start with the seeking of reassurance before being able to take positive steps forward. It's part of the healing cycle I guess, and I was no different.
I've been reading this forum on and off for about 7yrs and people have always posted their varying symptoms looking for answers, nothing has changed in that respect except for the huge increase in sufferers which I imagine is down to the increased daily struggles of life.
Long may there be positive stories and outcomes, that way it gives people a chance to see that there can be 'light at the end of the tunnel' . We all had to start somewhere. X
Having had cancer and other serious health issues, I get anxious about my health, especially at check up time. It's only natural to a certain extent. This to me equates to an insecurity about my body's capability to maintain itself.
IMO, HA is an extreme version of what I deal with and is rooted in insecurity. Many, who suffer from HA and/or other anxiety disorders, also have insecure feelings about their jobs, relationships, personal interactions and themselves. The boards are full of these types of posts. After all, isn't reassurance, whether it's about your health, or other aspects of your life rooted in insecurity? Isn't CBT and other therapies geared toward understanding oneself and increasing confidence in dealing with stressful situations?
It would only then make sense that some would react negatively or take it personally concerning the subject matter of this and other similar posts.
Positive thoughts
You're absolutely right FMP as usual.
The thing is, EVERYONE suffers from some degree of what we call 'health anxiety'. We're bombarded with scare stories on a daily basis. Everyone thinks for a few seconds 'what if that chest pain is a heart attack', or 'could that lump be cancer'.
What separates most on here from people who, let's say don't have a problem with HA, is that these thoughts are fleeting. With HA these thoughts consume your every waking hour. I would take my pulse many times an hour. I became pretty severely agoraphobic. I couldn't go to the local supermarket without having a panic attack. In short I was a complete mess.
What people on here must take heart from, is that it is possible to get completely over this.
Interesting debate... well said Fishman, Skippy, Tanner (and others)
Sarah
I have been a member of NMP for 10 years and can honestly say the afore mentioned group of people have helped me at the right time. Like most I have asked whether reading NMP is counterproductive, so kept away at times. However things got VERY rough for me around Christmas time when years of trying to block out the anxiety through drink really started to show and I became quite ill. December 12 th was the last time I had a drink and I feel better on every level. Coupled with that I came back to NMP and found people talking about recovery in ways that made so much sense and with such intellect that I found it inspiring.
To find some very wise people willing to share their experiences and support one another Is I believe a blessing and worth it's weight in gold. I have always said I could do a PHD in HA although I think there are some on hear who could be the professors.
I have been battling Anxiety Disorder and Hypochondria since 2004. It has been a long road. I was on Lexapro for more than 6 years. I attempted 3 times to come off the Lexapro and have only recently been successful. Here is what has helped me with my anxiety:
Herbals:
- Kava Tea
- Magnesium supplement
Behavioral:
- Seeing a therapist
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (training myself to think in more positive ways)
- Understanding the symptoms of an attack and if I can't breathe through it, then I let it come and move through it.
- My Faith, I have to trust God.
- Lastly, learning to accept that we all die at some point, and to be thankful for everything I have had up to this point. Because that's what we're mostly afraid of right? When we think of the worst that could happen it is us becoming a victim of some kind of disease or situation that may ultimately end in demise.
I still get panic attacks. I had a biopsy last week and panicked the whole time. I even questioned the (benign - good news) results. I googled the accuracy of FNAB's and researched. But then I stopped. I know that these things only add to my anxiety. Recognize and cut out those behaviors.
Best of luck and blessings.
I understand, Tanner.
I also understand the other POV and I know you do too :)
I have had times where I have posted nothing but reassurance shout out threads, a few here and there asking for help (just posted one in fact) then there has been times where I have to stay away for my recovery.
I have also had times where threads of mine have been completely ignored which made me feel like crap.
Internet forums are constantly changing and I agree that this forum SHOULD be about recovery but it is more full of people asking for diagnosis or reassurance. BTDT for years and we all know how desperate we can become for reassurance, how it feels like our lifeline, how it can comfort us, although it never works long term.
I would love to see more of a focus on recovery. This isn't a medical forum. Again, if you check my posting history you will find 99% of my posts have been asking for reassurance so I say it with no judgment but I think to make this forum successful I'm helping others we ALL need to get away from posting so many threads asking for reassurance. Reassurance is the devil to HA, we just can't see it when we need it.
This place has changed and no doubt it will change again.
Millie1234
07-05-14, 18:46
I've seen this discussion/debate/disagreement again and again on this site. Maybe the health anxiety forum should have 2 subheadings - entitled something like 1) Reassurance sought and 2) Recovery sought. Then people could just post, look at and respond to posts under the subheading that they find beneficial.
Personally I have been visiting the site for a year or so since having major problems with panic and anxiety resulting in major problems in my life. I am now well on my way to recovery and all the posts about heart attacks, MS, cancer etc just bring me down. I can't see what benefit the posters get from dwelling on their fears. Whereas the positive posts with personal experiences of what has helped people and hearing about others achievements have been motivational and inspiring to me. I can't bear the thought of a life limited by anxiety so am determined to fight it.
But each to their own - some people obviously aren't ready for recovery.
Tanner, I understand what you meant by your post. It's always hard when you get close to a group of people and then they move on. It's understandable and I think everyone does. I think some people including myself were adding to the debate in a more general way. For me, I know there are loads of things that have helped me with my anxiety, and I've done loads and loads to try to deal with it. I've had experiences where I've posted on here when I've been in a bad place and either nobody has replied or I've had replies where I've felt like I'm being told off for not doing enough to deal with my anxiety and I've come away feeling more low and rubbish about myself. I've seen this happen to other people too and sometimes it feels like the tough love approach can be more tough than loving. I think we all know that reassurance seeking is bad but sometimes people come here rather than Google and that's a step in the right direction. I totally agree that discussing healing and offering hopeful stories is important but I also think that sometimes we need to meet people where they are. Also there can be an assumption that if you've tried something and it hasn't worked then you didn't try hard enough. Personally CBT has been of limited use to me. Other methods have been far more useful.
Cattia and others, thanks so much for the enjoyable debate and understanding surrounding my original post. We all have much to learn, and together, this can be a wonderful place for healing.
Just a general point about reassurance and advice... And this goes beyond just anxiety.
It's one thing to ask for a shoulder to lean/cry on or just wanting someone to say "There, there.... you'll be ok"... . After all, we're conditioned to ask for that from childhood. You skin your knee and Mom makes it all better etc.
It's totally different to ask for advice/reassurance in this manner...
"The doctor told me to do A, B and C and I'll get better but I'm afraid to do it. Any advice?" Or "I got my test results back and everything is normal. I just can't believe it. I KNOW there's something wrong. What do I do?"
What do you expect someone to say? How do you reassure someone in that state of mind? "There, there, everything will be alright" ain't gonna cut it IMO. Not responding can be and sometimes is just as detrimental. When you put yourself between a rock and a hard place, its difficult to find an answer or offer positive reinforcement.
Positive thoughts
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