Anxiety from loss of friendship

[rtpu2004]

Hey everyone,

My first post here on this website and I'm coming here mainly to get some advice on how to deal with feeling like you're alone in the recovery stages of anxiety.

Firstly, a bit about myself. I had my first panic attack approximately 6 months ago after taking the pill. At the time, I honestly thought I was having a heart attack and was very close to heading off to the ER. However, with the help of another, I was able to get through that panic and calm down.

Since that time, I have only experienced one other panic attack (lucky me, eh?). However, I have suffered from severe, frequent and long-lasting feelings of anxiety.

After my first episode, I got on it immediately. I went to the dr and got a referral to see a psychologist, which I have been seeing throughout this. Throughout this period, I have had confidence in CBT and how it has helped me through this time. I really do believe my psych understands me and works for me.

I am currently taking no medication as I really wanted to get down to the real issues causing my anxiety, rather than band-aiding them with medication. That said, I am not against medication, rather, it just isn't for me. Particularly because of my bad experience with the pill. My brain has made the connection between taking medication and panicking. I also understand that for some, anxiety is incredibly debilitating and in such situations, it is suitable for others.

Anyway, up until a month ago, I felt like I was getting much better. I would have short periods of anxiety, but nothing that I couldn't deal with, and with a bit of mind power, I could get through it.

In the last month, I have been faced with my "best friend" essentially telling me go away and said that I had done something wrong to disrespect them but didn't care to elaborate. It was much more than a simple "go away" and I have honestly never felt so hurt by words in my entire life. This particular friend is also going through a hard time and I believe the words said were motivated by something other than me. This still leaves me with the issue of having the person I was most close to walking away from me in arguably the most toughest time of my life. I am having a very hard time coming to terms with this and it is causing me so much anxiety. I wake up stressed. My chest is tight, I have a lump in my through, racing heart etc. I feel not much relief from anxiety unless I am asleep or, hate to say it, drunk.

My other friends don't really understand how much this has affected me and make me feel like I am kicking up a fuss. I have tried a couple of times to have a genuine conversation with this friend who has walked away from me as I feel like I have many unanswered questions, only to be ignored on all occasions. It makes me feel incredibly alone. I also notice myself being very negative around my friends because I'm not really in the greatest place and I'm worried that this will make them turn away from me as well. I have brought this to their attention and they have assured me that it won't happen, but I also heard the same thing from this friend and they did end up walking away from me.

I can't seem to come to terms with this issue of my friend abandoning me. My psychologist said I need to deal with these issues one at a time and to assume "if I don't know what I have done wrong, then I haven't done anything wrong"(this particular issue is just one of many). However, I am having a hard time getting this thought in to my mind. I agree with the notion, but I can't seem to move past this situation. I know it will take time.

My question is, if anyone can relate, how did you deal with moving on from a friend who abandoned you? I've been told that time will heal the wounds, but I feel like I can't deal with feeling this way anymore and I need to get passed this immediately. Anxiety is the worst and I wouldn't wish it on anyone!

Sorry for the rant, it does make me feel better though.

Thanks :)

[Oosh]

Hiya

It's incredibly painful when "friends" let you down at the point where you need them most.
They're in a good position to help put you back together again by ironing out your worries and insecurities but often they fail miserably and you discover what sort of people they are when there is a crisis.

I think your psychologist has given great advice. That's because that's sort of what I do when insecurity sweeps over me and I'm sure people are displeased with me in some way. I just conclude that until somebody tells me I'm doing something or have done something wrong, then I haven't.

I think it's important to work on these issues separately too like they said so that one doesn't bleed into the other.
Your friends say they are ok with you so accept it. Don't listen to the doubts.
Spend some time visualising the friend in them, who they are, how they feel, pain they've had. See them as vulnerable human people just like you and not as a potential threat. Think how you can help THEM in their lives. You give and you get back. Just keep giving. You'll become a valuable friend and won't have to feel insecure and worry about rejection anymore.

Your friend ...
That sounds very painful.
I don't know whether what theyre going through has played a huge part in their actions or not but to me, that sounds unforgivable.
I don't think there is anything worth salvaging when you're let down like that.
I don't suppose it's right to say don't forgive is it. It's not the done thing.
But I think your (anyone's) friendship is very valuable. You'd given it to that person and they hurt you massively.
I think that's when you have self respect, value your friendship, see it as a special thing to give someone and in their case withdraw it. They had their chance. Put that energy In to your real friends now. Sorry but they'd be dead to me. Your friendship is too valuable to allow someone to do that to you. They're not good enough for you.
With that perspective at least you can leave it with some self esteem.

Only my opinion of course.

[rtpu2004]

Thanks Oosh.

Some wonderful advice you have given me there. I definitely know that I need to put my energy into other friendships - this one isn't worth it.

My major issue is that I can't seem to get passed it for the time being. I'm still quite hurt & shocked by it all. I wasn't expecting to hear the things I heard as this friend wasn't that type of person. The annoying this is that it was sent to me via text message and so I really couldn't respond in person - which I would have liked to. This same friend said that they'd be happy to see me at mutual friends events. I saw them last week and they pretended like everything was normal between us - obviously something that I couldn't handle at the time. I felt rude for snubbing but I knew I couldn't deal with interaction so soon after.

I know that my concern for these issues is causing me anxiety that, at times, is extremely uncomfortable. I sometimes feel I won't get through it etc etc. I'm worried that, because this situation is pretty much out of my control, it's harder to deal with, therefore I will continue to have debilitating anxiety.

I absolutely acknowledge that I overthink these things, the problem is taking a step back and enjoying the good things in life. Ahhh, I'm positive I'll get there in the future.

Thanks again!