emsk94
03-05-14, 12:17
I moved away to university in September last year and although I was repeatedly warned and advised against it, I decided to pursue a relationship with my flatmate. Although I feel things are awful at the moment, I do not regret it in the slightest and truly believe that things will improve in the future. However, he is a mature student studying Social Work, which I know in itself is a very demanding course and suffers from GAD. Previously, I had no experience with anxiety and was naive, simply believing he was just being overdramatic and overly sensitive but things have seemed to have spiralled out of control.
His lowest point was just before Christmas where he had been given antidepressants and was especially distant and closed, I felt that I did everything I could to help him through it and after a lovely christmas and new year spent with him and his family, I thought things were finally on the up and we had managed to get through the worst of it. Once we returned to uni in mid January, he split up with me and still to this day I don't have a specific reason or justification for it which leaves me angry and just simply bewildered that we had gone from happiness with everything seeming perfect with him even suggesting that we get our own place for the following year to what felt like my whole world crashing around me.
The problem is that it is now May and I am still absolutely besotted with him, I would do anything for him and as I have learnt more about GAD I truly want to help him get through it but at the same time I feel so much anger and pain towards him from what still feels like to me as a betrayal as he doesn't approve of my friends as they are "bad influences" and if I am so much seen as speaking to another male it is completely wrong of me as well (I brought my male friend back to my shared flat for a glass of water and rang him a taxi as he was drunk and I was called dirty).
I have started feeling like I am now the one with the issues as I am drinking more excessively with more severe consequences, I feel more reckless and self destructive in myself and just really impulsive all the time and I really have no idea why as it isn't through enjoyment. But I am aware, as I am going down this path it is heightening his anxiety because he still cares and "has hopes for us" but I just feel so lost and unsure of what to do. I feel so guilty as he accuses me of making him ill and stressed due to my lack of awareness and choices and me worrying him but I don't know how to stop or what to change or simply where to begin to get us out of this rut. Is it really me with the issues here? I'm honestly not sure any more but I am so in love with him and as much as I have tried to move on, there is just still a big part of me wanting/needing to hang in there.
Sorry that it is slightly long winded, but if anyone is in this situation or has any advice please feel free to share, I think an outside opinion is what I need right now.
His lowest point was just before Christmas where he had been given antidepressants and was especially distant and closed, I felt that I did everything I could to help him through it and after a lovely christmas and new year spent with him and his family, I thought things were finally on the up and we had managed to get through the worst of it. Once we returned to uni in mid January, he split up with me and still to this day I don't have a specific reason or justification for it which leaves me angry and just simply bewildered that we had gone from happiness with everything seeming perfect with him even suggesting that we get our own place for the following year to what felt like my whole world crashing around me.
The problem is that it is now May and I am still absolutely besotted with him, I would do anything for him and as I have learnt more about GAD I truly want to help him get through it but at the same time I feel so much anger and pain towards him from what still feels like to me as a betrayal as he doesn't approve of my friends as they are "bad influences" and if I am so much seen as speaking to another male it is completely wrong of me as well (I brought my male friend back to my shared flat for a glass of water and rang him a taxi as he was drunk and I was called dirty).
I have started feeling like I am now the one with the issues as I am drinking more excessively with more severe consequences, I feel more reckless and self destructive in myself and just really impulsive all the time and I really have no idea why as it isn't through enjoyment. But I am aware, as I am going down this path it is heightening his anxiety because he still cares and "has hopes for us" but I just feel so lost and unsure of what to do. I feel so guilty as he accuses me of making him ill and stressed due to my lack of awareness and choices and me worrying him but I don't know how to stop or what to change or simply where to begin to get us out of this rut. Is it really me with the issues here? I'm honestly not sure any more but I am so in love with him and as much as I have tried to move on, there is just still a big part of me wanting/needing to hang in there.
Sorry that it is slightly long winded, but if anyone is in this situation or has any advice please feel free to share, I think an outside opinion is what I need right now.