hard to stay positive

[leenalou]

Hi so as most of you who have read my last post (please dont judge me) will know i am pregnant and awaiting a termination, i have my reasons which are in my previous post so i wont go into them right now.


i have my first appointment on thursday for this, what i am finding difficult is how im feeling, cannot decide if its all anxiety or pregnancy symptoms,

i have been on 20mg fluoxetine and 10mg x2 daily of propranolol for around 15-16 months,
was doing ok on this till about 3-4 weeks ago when the anxiety kicked back in,
i know a lot of it will not settle down till after the procedure as that is was is constantly worrying me.

what i wanted to ask is when i feel the adrenaline kick in and it makes my body tingle then the nausea arrives with the need for the loo ive been trying to just let it be there and not respond to it but i eventually have to make that dash to the bathroom and then feel like its won again because ive done what it wants if that makes sense. this is so hard im trying to do things that help with the anxiety but feel limited because of the pregnancy such as exercise and eating regular meals to help with the anxiety, but i have sickness and fatigue with the pregnancy.


i also have a feeling of having a constant cold ie..sneezing, headachey, cough,post nasal drip, shivers the list goes on and its really getting me down and im finding it hard to stay positive

i know not everyone will agree with my decision but any help and advice would be much appreciated

thank you for taking the time to read this ramble of a post
tc xx

[Rennie1989]

None of us here have the right to judge you. This is YOUR decision and we will all stand by you no matter what you decide :)

Don't think that going to the loo is letting the anxiety win. You're going through a mixture of different feelings and emotions, from the anxiety and pregnancy. If your body is telling you then it needs the loo, a drink of water, a lie down, what ever then listen to your body. I know I saw to ignore the symptoms, but that's for symptoms like the shakes, tremours etc, but in this instance you need to listen to your body and do as it says.

Be kind to yourself and look after yourself. It'll be a hard couple of days but we will all be here to listen to you and to offer you our support and kindness. Take care of yourself x

[leenalou]

hi rennie
thank you for your lovely reply and kind words
i know i will get through this rough patch as i have before,
i also know i need to be kinder to myself i have a wonderful partner who supports me as much as he can its just when im laid about with fatigue and tiredness i feel extremely guilty so that doesnt help why does anxiety and depression make us think the worst about every situation as my partner has reassured me many times that he doesnt think im just being lazy, but i am my own worse critic/bully and think i should handle things better i will learn oneday

tc xxx

[theablac]

HI LEENALOU , Nobody has the right to judge you on what you decide , all I can say is make sure its the right decision for you . Your body is bound to alter whilst you are pregnant and all the side effects of the medication will be heightened , Your decision is hard enough for anyone but suffering anxiety as well will make it all the harder , only you know you life and whats best , As rennie says we are here for you , I have been where you are and I made my decision on what was best for my family and me but only you can make your decion and I think your anxiousness is a little bit of both your condition and your feelings with how you feel about what you may have to do , We are here for you if you need the help of someone outside your family and we will not judge just offer support with your anxiety if that's what you need

[leenalou]

hi theablac
thank you for your reply

i know 100% i am making the right decision for me and my family and i have the full support of my partner of 16yrs,

its the anxiety thats tough to deal with as everything feels like its back to square one when i first started the meds.

i know i will get through this i just have to be strong but its hard when you are so tired and nauseous on top of the anxiety im sat crying as im writing this as i feel like a coiled spring today for some reason.

thank you for your support

tc xxx

[theablac]

HI LEENALOU , Anxiety is a terrible thing it comes on for no reason so it makes it hard to understand , I had a set back even though I had been on the medication for some time , I went and talked to my doctor and she put me on a low dose beta blocker short term along side my other medication and it help to stop the terrible anxiety I was having , maybe this is something you could try just to help you through the bad time , I don't need them now and I am feeling good ,I just take my normal meds. again now but the help the beta blocker gave me got me through it , YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS WITH THE HELP OF YOUR FAMILY BUT WE ARE HERE IF YOU NEED A LITTLE EXTRA SUPPORT xx

[leenalou]

hi theablac

i do take a beta blocker which is the propranolol 10mg x2 daily which does hold off the worst of the symptoms and stops me going into full blown panic attacks
im my own worst enemy when things go wrong as ive always had to be the strong one for everyone else
as far as my family are concerned theres only my partner and a close friend that knows about this and you kind people on nmp as i know they certainly wouldnt understand my reasons for this.

they dont even understand my anxiety even though my mother has suffered with anxiety and depression for 25+ yrs all she says when i have a flare up is now you know how i feel so ive stopped talking to her about it.

all i can say is thank god for this site and wonderful people on it like yourself.

tc xxx

[theablac]

HI LEENALOU ,My father suffered with anxiety and had 3 full blown attacks which he was hospitalised for , he was in one time for over 3 months ,but when I started this way before my mother died she would tell people I was just feeling sorry for myself and I wanted to be fussed over and she never recognised it as a illness , Anxiety is a illness like any other , if you are on beta blockers and they are helping to some degree maybe its a matter that you need to ask if there is something else that can help you through this bad time ,Yes you know that what you are doing is right for you and your family but that doesn't mean you don't need some support and maybe your doctor might know where you can get the right kind of help . You are very brave expressing how you feel on this site and we are here for you but maybe you may need someone to talk to face to face who knows how to help . You and your family need you to get through this but as you say you are trying to be strong for everyone else but just remember you are ill ,anxiety is an illness and when you are suffering it ,it's very real , do you have full blown panic attacks or is it the feeling it might just happen , When I was at my worst I had panic attacks and I suffered from agoraphobia for years and never left my house and I wouldn't want you to get like that , Go and talk to your doctor I know its not easy but if they are any good they will help , Please keep in touch I will help you if I can or if you just want to put down how you are feeling I will be there for you , TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF xx

[theablac]

HI LeenaLou , just a quick message to ask how you are today , I have been thinking of you and hoping you are a little better xx

[theablac]

HI Leenalou , Just wanted to see if you are ok .

[leenalou]

hi im ok thanks hun,

just a bit uncomfortable with cramps, had my first pill yesterday and go in for the procedure tomorrow 8am so feeling anxious about that but i know i will get through it

thanks for asking about me means a lot

tc xxx

[theablac]

HI LeenaLou ,Just a quick message to ask if you alright , I hope everything went OK and you aren't in too much discomfort , you were bound to be anxious even though you were 100per cent sure it was the right thing for you , so take care of yourself and keep in touch when you feel like it . xx