Anxiety has ruined my marriage

[Hetty80]

What do you do when you realise your anxiety has ruined your marriage? :-(

[OscarRodriguez]

I would be worry how to reduce anxiety , I started having this since last week and is horrible D:

[Button1]

It came close to ruining mine too as my husband just can't understand my anxiety- he finds it irrational and he's a VERY rational man! I now no longer talk to him about my own fears which I can manage as I have been having CBT. However I also have HA for my son who is 20months and that's harder to hide as I have panic attacks every time he doesn't do a poo or gets a cold...it's crazy. We just take it a day at a time and we're getting there. It's very hard as anxiety does take over your life. If you really think its ruining your marriage then you need to have a look at counselling- your GP should be able to point you in the right direction or there's Relate? Google them. Anxiety robs us of so much already, don't let it rob you of someone you love x

[Hetty80]

My little girl is 23 months and I'm the same with her. My husband has pretty much told me he has fallen out of love with me today because my constant need for reassurance is draining on him.

[HoneyLove]

Have you considered going to couples therapy together? It sounds like it would be a very good idea for you both to do that right now, especially since you're married and have a child together, you have a lot invested in your relationship.

[Hetty80]

It's difficult to get out in the evenings because we have no one to babysit. It's a big mess. It was my birthday this weekend and it was so obvious he couldn't stand me and he had made next to no effort at all. That's what led to this heart to heart where he tells me he no longer loves me

[HoneyLove]

If you want to work on saving your marriage then you need to find the time to go to counseling sessions together. Look into child minding services in your area, you can't use that as an excuse not to try to help the situation.

[trish1955]

I don't no about honey love but my hubby would say. We no wzt the problem is its the anxiety. See I have panic attack and agoraphobic it did ruin my first and second marriage my first 1974 I didn't no wzt was wrong with me I packs up went home after one yr long storey. But that's at I did the second one I was really bad with it and agoraphobia became so bad I didn't want hubby to go out not even to work that killed that marriage I married third time in late eighties I new about anxiety panic and all this now so my third husband new about my probe but over the twenty six yes f this marriage the ancient and agrzphobia as benn better and then a bad spell I been going through a baf spell last for yes and yes its taking it toll at minute we not getting on makes my anxiety worse xx

[hanshan]

As well as what everyone else has said, I think you have to find ways of dealing with (and hopefully curing) your anxiety that don't make your husband feel responsible.

Also, the arrival of a baby changes the emotional dynamic of a family - has this affected you?

[Hetty80]

Thanks for your replies everybody. It has changed the dynamics for sure but I think the added pressure we have is that now a lot of anxiety is centred around my daughter, even leaving her with people is a major issue for me which my husband thinks is over the top

[HoneyLove]

Have you tried to get any help with your anxiety?

[Hetty80]

I have had CBT in the past. I find it helpful whilst I'm in it but gradually old habits slip back. No excuse, I should try harder

[HoneyLove]

If you want things to get better for you & your family you need to take action, I just feel this is a critical point for you, and you can use the motivation to help you move forward and begin working out a plan for your recovery.

You need to do two basic things: 1) take care of yourself & work on the anxiety issues that are holding you back from living a full life and 2) take care of your marriage & family. It sounds like this is at a point where it won't automatically get better, so I think a marriage counsellor and some CBT refreshing could be your first steps.

[hanshan]

Hi Hetty,

It sounds like OCD as well as health anxiety displaced onto your little girl.

Are you having any treatment specifically for your anxiety? I agree with HoneyLove above who says that this is a critical point for you where you need to take action.