How much reassurance is too much?!

[Stressed32]

I have had HA on and off for years! I totally am same enough to recognize it and all symptoms associated w it. I think bad experiences w doctors and the loss of 2 babies makes it all worse. Recently I found a knot on my neck. Rational me said its a muscle bc I hold my baby on that side more than the other. HA me said go google it for reassurance. Google diagnosed me w lymphoma. Great! From that point, diareah and loss of appetite took over. I went to a family friend first for reassurance. He is a chiropractor. He felt around and confirmed what I first thought, swollen muscle. He said I was all knotted up but wouldn't adjust me bc he isn't my dr and don't have X-rays on me. That made me feel better for about 3 days. At that point, my HA convinced me that he wasn't a dr and wouldn't know a damn thing about lymph nodes so his advise was now null. I got so worked up and went into the urgent care clinic to see a doctor. She felt ALL of my nodes and not just the lump in my neck bc I told her about my anxiety and what I read online. I expressed my concern on cancer and lymphoma. She said there were "no palpable nodes anywhere" on my body. She said the lump is either a swollen muscle or a fatty pocket of tissue bc I've not lost all my baby weight from having my baby. I felt better but now my HA is saying she isn't a cancer dr...guys I need some reassurance please! I had labs done a month ago and all WBC counts were normal. I've had 2 medical professionals and every family member and fried I have look at this. They all say it is nothing to worry about and that I have it on both sides of my neck, it's just a little bigger on the one side...and yet I'm so scared I'm about to die. I voiced that concern to my hubby and my 3 year old heard and now tells me she will keep me talking so I won't die...HA says she sees something the DR missed. I'm needing some support guys...please! I know I'm new to many of you all bc we All come and go but I really new some encouraging words before I go nuts and drive myself to a cancer dr!!

[UKmamainUS]

It really does sound like a knot in your back. Go find yourself a good chiropractor - they can make you feel good in a way you never even imagined you could. Also, sure, a cancer doctor might need know more about cancer, but you don't need a cancer specialist if all the evidence is saying no cancer. Be careful talking around your three year old. It's amazing what they hear and understand and right now y have got her frightened she is going to lose her mommy. She does not see anything the dr missed - she is listening to her mommy. M

[Stressed32]

You are in the US...you are familiar w urgent care clinics...their doctors are qualified enough to tell me if I need to have it looked at by a specialists right?

I feel terrible for scaring my daughter! What a shitty mom this makes me! How can I just shake it already??!!

[UKmamainUS]

I think urgent care have the necessary means to know if it needs to be seen further.

You are NOT a shitty mother. We have all done it. I was meant to be having a biopsy this week but for various reasons am not - however, my son also overheard this and keeps asking me why I am having my neck cut off. It's hard to contain your fears around your kids but sometimes it is worth waiting until they are in bed. I feel crappy because I feel I spend so much time stressing over my supposed diseases that I'm not as present for my kids as I should be, but you know what, I have periods when I'm not stressed and I am an awesome mom in those times. During stressful times I let them watch more tv than is good for them.

Even if you did scare your child, I can bet in a few days, if you don't mention dying again in front of her, she will have completely forgotten about it. She will be fine.

I am so sure you just need a chiropractor and maybe an awesome massage. The loss of appetite and diarrhea are more than likely the result of your anxiety. I get constipated when I am anxious. I have IBS as a result of anxiety - of course I thought for the longest time it was bowel cancer. We are all in the same boat here!

[Stressed32]

That is me exactly! When my HA is under control I am a great mom. However when it's flaring up like it is now,I just can barely focus at all on anything other than the symptoms. My mind is constantly thinking about it and I'm constantly telling myself "the dr found nothing wrong you r fine." I know my daughter can feel me being like this

[RoseEve]

My son has a lymph node behind his ear. The nurse showed me that his yearly blood tests were normal meaning it's not cancer.

[UKmamainUS]

It's hard being a mom with HA!

Go easy on yourself xxx

[swgrl09]

I have TONS of muscle knots in my neck .... and they do feel like lumps, but trust the two doctors. No, a chiro isn't a lymphoma doc but they specialize in muscle knotting so they know one when they feel one. I'm sure you are fine :)