Failed again

[monty]

Hi everyone,

Feeling awful now. Failed to get into hospital for CBT. Couldn't get through the door- too afraid of panicking and wobbly legs.

Family are angry with me, they say I'm not trying and I just give up. Feel lost and alone, don't know where to go or what to say to any of them.

Lucy :(

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.
-Marianne Williamson

[groovygranny]

Hi monty, sorry you're not too good. Did you go to hospital on your own? If so, would any member of your family, or even a friend, be willing to go with you next time? It makes all the difference sometimes if there is another person with you, even if they don't say much! In my opinion the fact that you actually got to the hospital is proof for anyone that you are trying - so please, please don't give up. PM me if you want to.

Please take care

lotsa luv

GG [:P]
xxx

'There are no such things as strangers; just friends we haven't made yet!'

[kazzie]

Hi Monty

At least you got to the door thats a start!!!

Phone the cbt people, tell them what happened and ask them for help.

They do understand

Luv Kaz x x x

[yorkylover]

Hi Monty,I agree with Kazzie,phone them and explain what happened.maybe they could meet you outside and go in with you.They understand how you are feeling pet.

Ellen XX

[honeybee3939]

Hi Lucy,

You are not a failure at all, like Kazzy says you did well to get to the door! Im sure if you speak to your therapist and explain he/she will understand after all thats why you are having CBT, Dont be disheartened, there where times when i couldnt make it to my sessions either because of my Agorophobia, i had a home visit a couple of times maybe you could contact the hospital and see if it is possible for you to have a home visit also.

Sending you hugs Hun, and thinking of you,

Love

Andrea
xxxx

"If you have a worry turn it into a problem, you cant solve worrys but you can solve problems"

[jackie robbo]

hi monty,i too failed to get to my first cbt appointment,i rang them they talked to me over the phone, i now have someone who comes out to see me at home,dont be too hard on yourself if only it was as easy as trying harder,give them a ring im sure they will help you good luck
jackie

[Lynnann]

Hi Lucy,

We all have little blips from time to time. I agree that if someone could go with you, to steady you so to speak it might help. can't hurt to phone and explain can it?

Hugs to you

Lynnann

[samc100]

I agree with the others - well done on getting to the door. Ellen's idea is a good one on getting someone to meet you. You can then do the appointment on the staircase!

Keep trying cos you will do it.
XXXX

[HazyMind]

I also agree with the others Lucy, its great that you made it as far as you did, try not to beat yourself up about it, you done so well on getting to where you did!!! I know how hard it is.

They are arranging home visits for my cbt now, they are very understanding and I'm sure if you ring them they will help you as much as they can.

Good Luck hun xx

[darkangel]

hi

first of all, give yourself a HUGE pat on the back for getting out the house, getting to the hospital and getting to the door and of course for getting back home.

sometimes we only see what we havent been able to achieve - and ok today you didnt manage to get through the door, but its not a failure, no one fails if they are trying and you obviously are.

like the others have said, give the cbt therapist a phone call and they will understand - this has happened to plenty others, myself included on numerous occasions.

with regards to your family, it can be frustrating for family members to understand what you are going through. But dont take this on board - you are doing the best you can at this moment.

take care

Darkangel x

........life is for living not just for surviving

[monty]

Hi again, thanks for all your replies.

It's hard not to feel like a failure when your family is so dissapointed. I know I should look for the positive but they don't believe I'm trying hard enough.

Anyway, have just rung hospital as you suggested, so the physchologist should get back to me when she has time. Trouble is she was the one who said I had to force myself into the hospital for the session, or I'd never get better- can't see her going for the idea of home visits...

I took my mum with me this morning and she tried to drag me into the building but when I refused to go she got angry at me and walked straight back to the car.

I know it's really taking it's toll on my family, especially my mum, and hate letting them down. Of course I want to get better for my sake but also want to make them happy because they all mean so much to me.

Lucy :(

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.
-Marianne Williamson

[samc100]

Oh Lucy
Of course you don't want to let your family down. Your mother is not really angry with you - she is disappointed for you and frustrated. She'll be feeling pretty helpless and a mother's natural instinct is to fix it for their children. And she can't fix you.

But you will make progress Lucy.

You have to try and let go of the worry about letting them down. It might make you more anxious and feel more pressure. They know you love them and they know this isn't the true Lucy at the moment.

SO take it easy on yourself and set yourself do-able challenges like going to buy a magazine at the shop, walk to a cafe, go to the library etc.. Could you to the hospital when you don't have an appointment and hang around outside or just nip in and see how it feels?

hugs - and remember we are here and we know you are trying xxxxxxxx

[Jools]

At least you got to the hospital so well done for that.

Small steps will get you there.

Try making the journey every day, first just to the building. Then to the door. Then step over the threshold. Then to the corridor. If you feel panicky try to just calm yourself - breathing excercises help me.

As you are having problems with heights could you find somewhere to practice? One step at a time. Nice broad well lit steps. Look on any panic attack as a chance to practice your coping strategy.

[belle]

Hi Lucy,

I have that from my family ALL the time.
"Are you going backwards?"
"You are nothing bothering?"
"You're not trying hard enough"
"Its all in your head, just DO it"
"If you don't do it....then i will leave" (classic husband line)

Unfortunately if they spent more time congratulating you on doing what you did, you'd feel better and not so crap. The more people tell you that you're not doing well enough then you believe them and not only are you fighting all the panicky feelings but on top of that the negative thoughts that you can't do it anyway! Where's the encouragement?

I personally think you did fabulous for doing what you did. Its a daily struggle and its hard for people to understand that, its not their fault.

Try not to dwell on not getting to the appointment, cause there is always the next time, and next time you WILL do it :)

SarahC x

[monty]

Many thanks to everyone for all your replies. Things seem a bit better after a good night's sleep.

Think I'll try and talk to mum about yesterday when she gets home tonight- struggle to find the words...

Also found out that the physcologist rang back yesterday afternoon but she spoke to my dad not me and he just went ahead and booked another appointment for me for January!

All I want for Christmas is my old life back... [Sigh...]

Sorry to be so negative- this is the best place to have a moan so I'm making the most of it! Happy holidays to everyone who's part of No More Panic

Lucy

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.
-Marianne Williamson

[Nel]

Actually leaving home and making it to the hospital is pretty high on the achievement score, so don’t see this as a negative. You still achieved, so well done.

Nel xxx