How does one show true confidence in their manner?

[dave316]

Hey guys, can you help me out please

I am not a guy with the highest self esteem and so when i have to do things like approaching women i like, i fall flat on my face at the first hurdle, mumblin my words and making it come out all wrong.

How can i in the way i look (walk, talk, smile etc) and the things i say in conversation prove i have confidence?

I always here girls love guys with confidence but what kind of confidence? I mean what do you girls look for in the guy to make you say that guys confient and self assured, thats attractive, just be seeing him and then getting to speak to him.

How can you do this without falling into the trap of being conceited?

Also, ladies when you are with a guy, say on a date and theres those awful awkward silences, do you view that as the guys got nothing to say therefore hasnt got much of a personality and isnt confident? or are awkward silences good at times and can that be attractive for you girls? shyness and being reserved in a man?

If there are awkward silences, what are good things to say to rev the convo up again so that what you talk about needs more than yes or no answers? I need convo ideas

I have a tendency to speak too fast and get all the convos i thought to talk about in my head finished in a short time. How can one ask questions so that each person can build on the conversation with their answers, making you seem more confident and full of good things to say?

Dave, UK

[Ammeg]

god dave,
i wish u lived near me... then i would go on a practice date with u!!!! lol
Ok so u walk up to a irl in the bar.. she noticed u walkin over. u stop and go stop and go.. hesitatin.... she sees this and thinks u cant be 2 interested.. so ur doomed!! Do no hesitation.. make up ur mind march up to her!
So u get to her.. u talk quiet.. u dont look at her... so she now thinks shes ugly and not worth talkin to.. so make eye contact... talk normal and dont worry!!!!
Smile and show ur good looks of plenty.. keep ur head up high in other words!!!
Right so ur on a date... ur chattin away and theres a little silence u panic and try and fill it with anythin that enters ur head basically... dont worry about it... as long as the whole dinner/drink or lunch isnt scilent its fine!!!
And lastly stop thinkin so much!!!!!! Just have a convo u would have with a mate.. u dont got to ask loads of questions about her and her life.. just be friendly!!! Trust me dave u are good lookin and u have a lovely personality!! Just quit worryin!!!!!
Gemxx

[suzy1984]

Hi Dave
I don't have a lot of confidence either but i read too many girly magazines full of dating advice & can give you my ideas from a girly point of view.
About the way you look, wear things that make you feel comfortable & a bit more confident, smile lots even if you dont feel like it & walk tall looking up, not at the ground.
Guys who are too confident come across as arrogant & personally i dont think thats attractive, guys who come across as comfortable in their own skin are the most attractive.
There is nothing wrong with silences they are part of the flow of conversation, if talking to friends you dont always talk none stop?
Try to ask open questions maybe about interets, work, family, friends.
Sorry for the long post & apologies if anyone disagrees with me!
Good luck Dave, just be yourself!
Love
Suzy
x:)x

[Sue K with 5]

Dave

Be You !!!! When I met my husband, one of the things that attracted me was his shyness, I did the talking and he listened. You will know if this person is someone you want to see again because you will find yourself listening and will suddenly realise your responding, dress is important in boosting your confidence so dont wear white socks with black shoes !! yuck !!! lol go to a place you feel comfortable in and just have fun, shes a woman, she wont be ( well not straight away) trust me you wont stumble, you will glide with ease, a women like compliments, she likes to see your listening to her every word and she wants to see you drinking slowly because the beer is less stimulating than she is. Always smile and show your softer side, as well as your manly side. Women do like confidence but too much can be a bad thing.

Most importantly have fun !! your out on a date with a gorgeous woman or you have just noticed a stunning woman in the bar, walk up and ask us her if she would like a drink and if she would like to go and sit down, do not ask her if she knows the latest football results, but if she asks you then you have cracked it

Sue

scknight

[domino]

DAVE, ME AGAIN , REALLY JUST BE YOURSELF, STOP TRYING SO HARD. GIVE HER A CALL ,E.MAIL HER, SEND A LETTER EVEN. GOOD LUCK TO YOU. BE YOURSELF.

[Piglet]

Lots of good suggestions there and another one would be to try and get her to talk about herself - women love good listeners and it gives you chance to come across as the strong silent type!!

Also think about some of the things you enjoy doing so you have something to talk about - again women like men who look like they have enthusiam for things and interests of their own (even if we don't share them)!

Above all hun just be you :):):)

Love Piglet x

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[strawberrie]

hi dave, like everyone said, the main thing is be yourself. Its pretty difficult to fake confidence, the more you try to be confident the more awkward you can end up looking! OK, lots of girls might like cocky, cheeky types of blokes, but just as many like blokes who are thoughtful and dare i say it....'nice'! There's someone for everyone. It's funny what Sue said about finding her husband's shyness attractive because he listened while she talked, well i was completely the opposite with my husband, as he is a bit of a loudmouth (he wont like me saying that!), whereas i am quite quiet and shy, so when we first started going out, i never had to worry about what to say next because i couldnt get a word in edgeways! I think you just 'click' with some people so bear in mind that if you go out with someone and the date doesnt go well, its not a reflection on you, its just that you didnt 'click'.

You were asking about awkward silences, well remember that conversation is a two way thing, i can guarantee that if you have an awkward silence the girl will not be thinking 'god, he's so boring', she'll be desperately thinking of something to say next and thinking 'god, he's going to think i'm so boring!'

I once worked with a guy who was very popular, everyone liked him, but he told me that he was naturally quite a shy person. Something he had worked on to overcome this, was to try to remember little facts that people told him about themselves. So, if in passing conversation someone mentioned they were going to a party at the weekend, when he next saw them, he would remember to ask them how the party went. I think that is a pretty good technique (well, it certainly worked for him), as not only did it give him stuff to talk about with people, it also showed that he was interested enough in them in the first place for him to have remembered something about them. I guess that remembering too many facts about someone's life might come across as a bit stalker-ish [};), but just enough to show that you are interested in someone cant be a bad thing can it?

Everyone wants to feel attractive to others, so if it is obvious to her that you find her attractive (by listening to her, smiling, and maybe the odd compliment about how nice she looks) you will be onto a winner. And, if not, just accept that shes not the right one for you, and move on.

Well, anyway, thats my 'womanly' opinion! (and what a long opinion it was![:I])

mag

[darkangel]

hi again dave

ok - calm down - you are not alone in this - lots of people are in the exact same boat when it comes to dating - just be yourself.

there is no exact science of how you should act - as every one likes different things in guys. you will attract the right person for you if you just be yourself and be proud of who you are.

as for girls liking guys with confidence - personally i would rather have someone who is honest, loyal, respectful and true to themselves rather than some over confident self assured guy.

it is ok to have silences on a date - dont look on it like i need to find something to say - think on it as time to calm and just be in the moment and she might just like that.

one last thing - girls will be going through the same as you - so relax and chill about it. try not to be too perfect - she will like you for who you are.

take care
darkangel




........life is for living not just for surviving

[Granny Primark]

Whatever you do dave dont cover up your shyness by telling jokes!!!
My hubby did that and it drove me mad. (they must have been good ones tho else i wouldnt have married him)
Dont try to impress, just be yourself.
Good luck.

Take care
LYNN xx

[mico]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">...so when i have to do things like approaching women i like, i fall flat on my face at the first hurdle, mumblin my words and making it come out all wrong.

How can i in the way i look (walk, talk, smile etc) and the things i say in conversation prove i have confidence?</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Most people don't fully understand what confidence is and what confidence isn't.

Confidence isn't having a loud mouth or an eloquent vocabulary. Confidence is being comfortable with who you are and the two do not necesarilly go hand in hand. Confidence is being comfortable with mumbling your words, making it come out wrong and falling flat on your face.

'Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding Danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.'

[clickaway]

Dave,

My life changed quite a bit when I began to get a few things sorted in my life a good few years back.

I've always lacked confidence and for example could not swim, but set myself a goal of doing so before I was 40! I of course, even at 38, thought I was the only adult who couldn't swim in the whole wide world. Wrong! At my first swimming lesson who should be there, but a colleague in my office a year or two older than me!

Anyway, I digress. The thing is that once I did things like swimming, buying a house etc., I felt so much more confident inside, and that is reflected in my outward appearance and attitude. I can talk to strangers in the street with ease now!

As Nigel says, don't pressure yourself "I must get the girl". Think friendship and if things work, love will come naturally.

I think its great you are posting like this and getting the attention of the women here:D

Ray


http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers