View Full Version : Having a 'blip' really anxious :(
I have mostly been anxiety free for about a year now but it is creeping back again. Yesterday morning I woke with the palpitations and feeling of doom :( This morning is worse. I woke at 5:30 feeling the same as yesterday. Got myself some breakfast at 6:30 but the feelings haven't passed and I am now shaking and crying :weep:
Okay if I think rationally...I have a sinus infection which is driving me mad as it also making my ears ring constantly. I am on antibiotics for this and they are making me feel yuck and I know that others have noticed an increase in anxiety when taking antibiotics.
I have also just had a change in hrt and waiting to go for an ultrasound scan and I am worrying about the results of that.
I am supposed to be going to work today but just feel too tired and exhausted :(
I just feel like I can't cope with anything at the moment :weep:
Bless you and yeah it might be just because yr under the weather at the moment been anxiety free for a yr did u say would love to be free or a day lol maybe take the day off and rest yr tired mind best you can. I have been up since half pat five to did not went to get up early as it makes my. Morning longer and I hate morning always anxious take care xxx
Thank you Trish, mornings are the worse for me too but I find that if I get up and get on with something it isn't so bad but that isn't working today :( I am just so exhausted.
Hi Annie
Oh so sorry to hear you are not too good at the moment.
The HRT change will probs have started this along with being on antibiotics. They always make me feel anxious. These hormones are to be blamed for a lot of things Annie.
I have been feeling exactly the same in the last 3 days, had my spine op last week and this perimenopause is driving me crazy!
Luv & hugs
Jackie x
Thank you Jackie, I hope you are okay after the op? I have managed to get an appointment to see the doctor at 10:30 but it is a new doctor who doesn't know my history so not sure if that is a good thing :( I just can't stop crying and shaking this morning.
Hi Annie
Sorry to hear you are feeling ill I was the same last week,but picked myself up,dusted myself off and decided I will keep moving even tho I felt bad, I do hope all goes well at doctors and thinking of you,you have been kind to me on here so sending you love and kindness your way.
Love Petra xx:hugs:
Aww thank you Petra :hugs:
I have been to the doctors. She wants me to continue with the antibiotics as I need to get the infection cleared. I have to go back in the morning for a blood test to rule out Ovarian Cancer. Rationally I know it is all symptoms of HRT but irrationally I need the test for reassurance :doh:
Hello Annie, so sorry you are feeling poorly, the sinus infection is bad enough without having anything else. I am sure you will feel better once you have had your HRT sorted and blood test:hugs::hugs::hugs:xx
We are supposed to be going away this weekend so I am hoping I can feel better for that. Tempted to stop taking the antibiotics then at least I won't be feeling so tired and sick :(
Hey you here's some of these for you.....:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
.............. now ......... Let's get yer feet back on the ground.......
When you look at everything going on for you... yes it's bound to wind you up and get you anxious but you want to take one step at a time & Break this down into bits. Tell youself (firmly) you are going to sort this out. That is WILL pass. You are going to regain control and you are NOT going to go back to where you were before.
OK, so you have to have a blood test and yes you are waiting for a scan. But meanwhile there is NO POINT in stressing over these things. I know its easy for me to state that because its not me waiting but you know the score. It is true that worrying is NOT going to make you feel any better you know it will make you feel worse. So, on that score you need to get yourself busy. Stop your mind wandering.
Let's take a practical look here too. You are unwell. Accept that this is going to make you feel off. Yes you are having to take antibiotics and yet those probably will make you feel a bit off too. But YOU MUST take them. If you go to the doctors & they suggest taking them - you need them. If you dont take them, annie, you will take longer to get better and meanwhile your infection wont clear. I suggest you do take them & for a few days while the infection clears (and while you're taking the tablets) you will not feel so great. but they will help you. listen to your doctor.
now, deal with today at the moment. dont look too far ahead even in terms of days. there is no point. dont think from one thing to another. tell yourself firmly to STOP!! You can stop your mind running riot.... i know you can and you know that too. Be firm with yourself in this respect because firmness is required. it doesnt mean being nasty to yourself, far from it. because today you need to look after yourself.
please stop the worrying..... that's an order, a polite and firm order from a friend who is looking in on this with their practical head on.
if there's one thing i have learned that helps me deal with stuff, its not to get too caught up in what ifs. deal with today. tomorrow will come. deal with that then. meanwhile, be kind to yourself but stop your mind wandering. put your focus where YOU want it to be.
ok, so now its time for auntie tessar to go for a stroll; lunchtime stroll very important. i will catch up with you later..... not sure quite when as i am really busy & having to be very assertive with my colelagues. i have got such bad PMT i want to break something. good job i am not at your house or i might be looking for targets - he he he . oh i am so nice when i am pre-menstrual !!!!
ok, hope this helps and you be good now...... and stop it (if its bad) and keep doing it if its good. I shall go now before i start waffling.
x
Thank you Tessar :) I am trying really hard not to worry :) To be honest I am not even convinced that my sinus are infected. Very congested yes but if they were congested any mucus would be yucky and it isn't. I think sometimes gp's give out antibiotics when they may not be needed. Or am I just trying to justify a reason for me not to take them :D
i dunno really.... but have you considred it could be tree pollen causing the problem? or if thre's crops about (like oil seed rape) they can cause havoc with sinuses and of course they dont have to be infected for that to happen. but there really is no point worrying because you know the affect it'll have on you.
I agree with Tessar, could be allergy-related. When my allergies get bad, my sinuses get all clogged up even if they aren't infected. Do you take any allergy meds?
Sorry you are having a blip. I know how frustrating it can be after doing really well for a long time. I was doing well for over a year and now have been struggling. I think after the first time after I got off meds that I really had a big anxiety attack, I got so worked up and mad at myself (and scared I was a failure, etc) that I have been on edge for any bit of anxiety since. So I am trying to just accept it as a blip and move on. It doesn't mean either of us are back where we started way back when :hugs:
Yes it could be allergy related as we have quite a lot of oil seed rape in the area. I will try beconase spray to see if that helps.
I have bee out to deliver some Avon but my anxiety got the better of me. I managed to get some delivered and will try again tomorrow.
Hi Annie
Well done for getting some of your Avon deliveries done:)
I feel the stomach has a lot to do with anxiety. When I feel sick, upset stomach or take antibiotics I always have increased anxiety. The thing is once the anxiety rears it's head, I tend to then get a bit worried that it's all starting up again, so by the end of the day, the original problem like the tummy upset is forgotten and I am just left in a anxious state! I am like this with my hormones as well.
Annie you have done so well and this is down to the HRT differences and the antibiotics. Don't be hard on yourself, remember, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. As I said well done for your part deliveries.
Give your cats a big cuddle that will make you feel better.
Big hugs xxxx
Jackie my little Ryuu is cuddling me now :) He never leaves me, as soon as I go into another room he follows me (even sits and watches me when I'm on the loo!).
I have had a very tearful day. I have increased my dosulepin from 25mg to 50gm so hope that will help to calm me down. x
Annie, I have been pondering your original post & have some observations/questions if u don't mind me asking?
On Tues a.m. You said.... "I woke with the palpitations and feeling of doom"
I am interested to know where your thoughts lead you? How did they progress?
See if u can recollect the very first thought in your mind when u woke up?
Of the thoughts that followed (& I am sure there were many)
which one would u say was most troubling?
As u probably will anticipate, my reason for asking is that the way your thoughts persisted & escalated does sound like classic NATs at work (good old "Negative Automatic Thoughts").
I am able to relate to this because (as u know) it's somewhere I have found myself before. I am at an advantage in this situation & hope i can be objective for you - because It is so much easier for another person to look in2 another troubled person's thoughts & interpret them more rationally.
So in this instance, since I am not the one feeling triggered & i am not directly involved in the situation..... it makes it easier for me to be objective & to think in realistic or practical terms. I guess this is what I am trying to do on your behalf.
Since the negative thinking spiral escalates over time, it makes sense that u felt worse yesterday. I wonder, when u woke early, were you able to intervene & perhaps try any calming techniques?. I'm curious to see how your mind reacted because I anticipate it wasn't possible to stop the anxiety & the thoughts really took off?
Alongside anything psychological.... definitely don't underestimate your body's contribution to this situation! You are being hugely influenced by the change in your hormone medication. All of us, men included, will suffer inordinately if the balance of their hormones is out of kilter. Not only will it present as physical symptoms but it can afflict your mind too & totally alter your mindset "just like that". Seriously, hormones can transform your thinking capabilities at the drop of a hat.
There is a real combination of things going on here for you. Its no wonder you fear your anxiety is creeping back again. But as your thread title suggests.....
IT IS A BLIP. I am totally confident this is NOT a permanent situation.
"It" is NOT coming back. Tell yourself this because it is true.
Be confident and take back control - because you can.
Anyway ... you did stop yourself to think rationally. I am interested to know, do you find you can 'acknowledge' some realistic points but you "don't quite believe them"? That the negative messages feel so true that the realistic, logical facts are lost amongst fear?
Well, Annie my friend, I am naturally curious & thus enquiring about how your mind is working here. It is intriguing & I have a natural interest in such things. Hopefully this doesn't feel like an interrogation!!
Hoping u don't feel quite as rubbish today :bighug1: :bighug1:
Great advice, Tessar. We all can benefit from that post.
Oh thanku swgrl very kind of you to say. I find that answers don't come to me instantly.... But if I reflect, it becomes more clear. Of course the more practice I get, the better able I am to rationalise things & it's always easier to do it for someone else :-)
Right Tessar I will just get the bright light shining on me while I answer your questions :D
So on Tuesday, all I wanted to do was go back to sleep but I got up and did manage to cope with the day. Yesterday was worse and I was exhausted awake from 5:30, irritable and tired and yes the negative thoughts were taking over. I managed to get through the day. This morning was different, much worse, really panicking. I actually phoned Samaritans as I was so desperate for help and someone to talk to. Unfortunately she was too sympathetic when I really needed a kick up the butt! I gave up trying to think positive, I just wanted to give up. Then the little frog that Pancho mentioned kicked in and I decided to swim rather than drown. I haven't quite got the butter mixed but I am getting there and ready to jump out of the bucket :D
Now I am just so tired, I really need a good nights sleep then I am sure I can finish churning the butter tomorrow. (apologies to those who haven't a clue what I am talking about!).
This morning, everything I had to do today was far to overwhelming for me, as soon as I had cancelled everything I felt like yes I can get through today. Tomorrow is another day right nad hopefully a better one :)
Thank you for putting things into perspective for me, I really do appreciate it.
---------- Post added at 21:13 ---------- Previous post was at 21:06 ----------
It is my other thread that Pancho mentioned the frog in :)
It's really horrible isn't it when things take us over so much that we feel unable to cope? I find the way hormonal issues alter your mindset, it's almost like being undermined by yourself, if that makes sense?
I feel you totally did the right thing. I'm not just saying that "to be nice" I really mean it genuinely. You had a choice when u felt so bad this morning.
- Do nothing & the situation stays the same (or worsens)
- Take action, move forwards & start taking steps towards improvement
Sometimes speaking with an uninvolved party can set you free. Once you are past the first few exchanges of words, because you dont know them, it is perhaps easier to say it how it is. If you don't mind me asking, Annie, were you really able to let go?
I don't know about you but I have all sorts of imaginary situations & conversations going on in my head. Over the years if there is one thing I craved, its being in a situation when I really needed help & to be heard & supported. In my vision, someone magically comes along, sweeps me under their wing & allows me to talk or cry or do whatever it is that I need to do.
In reality my issue has always been I haven't been able to let go. Not truly. I would really envy people depicted in dramas who really let go. I'd wish I could be like them & pour my emotions out & sob u controllably on another persons shoulder. It feels like a scary situation to be in & one I fear but at the same time, truly letting go & allowing yourself to be really reliant on someone else for comfort is also vert, very healing.
I wonder if your experience today gave you an opportunity to 'cross to the other side', if you see what I mean? To go beyond the fear of totally falling apart & not being able to come out the other side (because you will reach such a low, it wont be possible to drag yourself back up again)?
Something you said that really struck me was "Unfortunately she was too sympathetic when I really needed a kick up the butt". What makes you think you need a kick up the butt? You don't. I know I've been banging on about sticking to facts & reality but that doesn't mean you aren't entitled to sympathy & understanding.
I really wonder which critical voice that is inside your head? I am just the same you know & it's taken me decades to work it out. That I am entitled to sympathy & support and to be comforted & so are you. So is everyone here for that matter. But how many of us deny ourselves comfort? We expect ourselves to go about our business without a blip or a making a fuss.
I realise now it isn't making a fuss, rather it's a case of expressing ourselves. We are entitled to do that. As individuals we all experience things that wear us down. Have you noticed how we are at the front of the line when it comes to comforting & supporting each other but when it comes to ourselves being in need of these things we chastise ourselves?
So I am really glad, Annie, that you found a kind voice at the end of the phone. A real person offering unbridled support. You really needed the support & they were able to comfort you. Why not? it isn't weak in any way. you are human & humans are emotional creatures. Don't ever feel bad for being in need of such things.
I am discovering that it is ok to feel upset or sad. Recently when I had really excruciating tooth pain, I just didnt know what to do. On my way to work, I "allowed" myself a few tears. You know what? Once I let them out, even though I was still in pain, I realised that trying to hold it all in was just not possible.
When you are at the end of your tether why not let it out? What I discovered is, I felt more in control after letting my emotions out. I was still in pain but could think more clearly. I felt like adult me had come out & really comforted my inner child. It was quite liberating to finally discover that something I feared as being weak, was indeed quite the opposite.
I wonder if you found it helpful speaking with the kind lady? I also wonder if that little frog sprang to mind after you'd felt a kind person really comfort you and show you kindness? How did you feel when shown such unreserved warmth?
You show so many people great kindness but when you are in need, rather than show yourself that same level warmth & kindness you expect yourself to soldier on regardless. I am sure you are very critical of yourself & again I wonder about this critical & unforgiving voice.
It is no surprise you feel tired. You've been through a lot. Not just now or in the last few days but over the years. Perhaps if you are able to sleep better, you will be able to go about churning that butter tomorrow and whilst you are about it don't forget that deep inside you there is a little girl that needs comfort. it is hard to let go & allow her comfort but I feel she really needs your understanding & support. It might feel scary to let go but perhaps it is time to do so and to be kind to her & to be kind to yourself? :bighug1:
Have you noticed how we are at the front of the line when it comes to comforting & supporting each other but when it comes to ourselves being in need of these things we chastise ourselves?
This is so true. There is a poster in my internship office that says "If we treated our friends the way we treat ourselves, we would have no friends."
I find that when I am able to quiet my critical voice and just lean into the anxiety, allow it to have some space, and listen to it, I can calm down a little. It doesn't always last long, but it is easier than getting angry at myself. When I get angry, I get more anxious, so what's the point of that?
Hmm...I guess I don't feel worthy of the sympathy as when my anxiety is high I just feel like I am letting people down and being a burden on people especially family. I feel like I should be the strong one and then I become so weak and can't cope with anything. I just want to hide away under my duvet. I feel guilty for being anxious. We have had to postpone our weekend away and this has happened so many times now. My husband understands and doesn't complain but I still feel like I am letting him down. I was just thinking that if anything ever happened to him I wouldn't marry again as I can't face being such a burden on anyone else. I know that is silly as my husband doesn't see it like that at all and we do have lots of good times together.
Just how my mind is working at the moment.
I am better than I was yesterday morning but still not good. At least I can see some improvement.
You know Tessar you have got me thinking and I can see that I have always felt I have to do things right, so worried I make mistakes and being anxious and letting people down to me is a big mistake and I just get annoyed with myself :(
I wouldn't say that to any of you of course...if I heard you say that I would be giving you a big talking too because it is an illness and to a certain extent beyond our control.
SWGRL I think I should keep that quote were I can see it :)
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