View Full Version : Post here if you're committed to getting better
As an experiment I'm trying to work out how many people want to beat their health anxiety, and in particular how many of you on this forum actually read posts like this one, which are less about reassurance-seeking about individual symptoms and more about trying to get to the core of health anxiety and getting better.
If you are truly committed to getting your life back to how it once was before health anxiety became a problem for you, post here - a quick update about how you're feeling and how far you believe you are on the path to recovery will be fine.
Thanks,
Mike
I'm doing so much better with my health anxiety than I was a year ago. There are still issues I'd like to work on, like over thinking health problems and being nervous taking certain drugs.
It no longer rules my life like it once used to, I'm pretty calm most of the time and I don't visit my doctor unless it's genuinely needed. But I'm facing some difficult health problems that in turn will pose some difficulties for me anxiety wise, and I'd like to work to become comfortable with whatever happens with my health.
MRS STRESS ED
07-05-14, 16:17
Hi skippy Ive come along way I was a wreck constanltly in bed ,I had every illness you could imagine (in my head) looking back I never thought I would get better ,im now so much better due to having fantastic doctors and thearpists ,im working again Ive even started getting abit of a social life back its amazing and I still have bad days but I dont let it get in my head ,what keeps me going is knowing there are so many people worse off than me and I want to live life not hide from it anymore ,Im never going back to that dark dark place I call living hell xx thanks skippy xx
I am committed. It's such a battle and I like this idea. Maybe we can keep posting updates on how we are doing apart from reassurance-seeking (which I do, I admit!).
I think I am starting a new battle now. I had to go on lexapro a year and a half ago, and it helped my anxiety astronomically. Now I have gotten off of it - for a few reasons - because it felt like the right time. Since being off the meds, I am really sensitive to if i feel any anxiety. I get really upset at myself when I get anxious about a mole, bump, etc. I am very critical and hard on myself, which is something that I really need to work on overcoming ... that will be half the battle for me, as I've always been this way. I get anxious about being anxious now, so I have to work on that cycle.
I think I am still doing better than pre-meds a couple years ago. My HA got really bad after my mom died suddenly of unexpected cancer 3 years ago. I have done a lot of therapy since then and I think I have the tools to get through this. I just have to stop rushing myself...
Anybody else get anxious about getting anxiety?
Oooh yes, I want to beat it:D.....it's a pain,,, in fact many pains. Life does get better. Just over a year ago I was in a psych unit. I will always have some level of anxiety but I think I have it under control now.
Nice thread Skippy
sarah
Hi mike love the post ! And it couldn't have came on a better day for me , I have been terrified of lymphoma for way over two years , realised how much it has taken over my life and decided to visit my gp this morning to talk about my worries so she gave me blood tests for reassurance , if these come back normal I am committing 100 % to get on in my life I am desperate to get better !
Gemma
Hi, Mike! I am committed to getting better! This is not the first battle I've had with my mental health. And I have to say, when I got better before, it was only with the example and encouragement of those who have done it before me. Not those who were sick like me and kept enabling me to stay sick. Sure, it's good to know nmp is for everyone at any stage, but personally, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired! I'm willing to listen and learn! Thank you for caring, and taking the time to help me :flowers:
Marie
Serenity1990
07-05-14, 17:03
Me! I'm nearly back to normal right now. Still get occasional symptoms and occasional daft thoughts, but I'm actually starting to live life again, which is great!
I'm actually starting to live life again, which is great!
I love that, that's how I feel too, like I'm coming back down to earth and beginning to really live again, instead of living in fear and stress all the time :)
sleepy_lady
07-05-14, 17:17
Trying so hard, and I don't even know where to begin, but I am determined.
I believe I have beat health anxiety. I have come so far in the 3 years since this began. I have little blips here and there but not often and it doesn't take hold of me.
Serenity and honeylove, I have just came in from a neighbours house after a chat and coffee and thought 'my god, I am actually starting to live again after all these years'. I really want to hold on to this feeling and will try my hardest to do so.
I don't think anyone will give a negative answer to that question. :)
I am definitely committed, and it was why I arrived here in the first place. When I was in the depths of anxiety I was lost as to how to take it on, my usually logical and strategic brain couldn't figure a way out. Gradually I did, and have made lots of progress.
However I have sort of reached a plateau. I am not riddled with anxiety any more, but am still anxious. I don't react with panic any more but it is still there. I often question whether I am naive in hoping that I can back to how I was and wonder whether I should now accept how I am and get on with it and stop striving for something more. Not sure I am ready to accept that this is as good as it gets though, even if it is immeasurably better than I was.
I don't think anyone will give a negative answer to that question. :)
True but not everyone will read and respond ;)
Positive thoughts
Sadly, not everyone is ready.
I am in the same place CP1978. I am at the minute just happy feeling alive again. I do however think my HA is so embedded and historic that this will be as good as it gets. I wish that I could go on holiday, go to an event/ partake in certain things without anxiety but then I have to remind myself that most people have got 'something going on'. Unfortunately for us our 'something' is HA and without wanting to sound dramatic I would not wish that on my worst enemy.
I wish for even just a glimmer of hope to rid me of the feelings. I guess I'm just not ready as someone pointed out. As soon as I feel ok ish something comes along and back to the start.
I am commited to do everything I have to do to fight and live again. I went through this when I was 15, again at 20, and here we are at 32 and I can win this again. I do CBT, talk therapy, and am increasing my zoloft to 100mg tomorrow. 4 months ago I couldn't leave my bed and my husband either had to stay home with me or come home early, 2 months ago I couldn't be a passenger in the car, I couldn't talk on the phone, I couldn't even bring myself to look at facebook. Now, I can drive (its not pretty, but the fact is I CAN), I can call friends, and I can even laugh sometimes. A far way from recovery, not ready to return to work yet and still have some trouble being home alone all day with my thoughts, but I can and will beat this like I have done so before.
sleepy_lady
07-05-14, 19:58
Amandala, that's so inspirational. I'm currently bed-bound with anxiety, and reading that just made me feel so much more optimistic.
I find the concept of getting better a tricky one, maybe that's part of my issue? I've had anxiety my whole life. I can remember having lots of ocd type issues age 8 or 9. By 9 I was having regular full blown panic attacks. Muddled though for years with lots of anxiety issues before getting my first bout of major depression age 22. I feel I spent a long time in my twenties looking for a cure. It became a counter productive process for me. Once I accepted that I'll probably always have anxiety I felt more at peace. Nowadays I have periods of almost total remission and then periods when things aren't great. I have a lot more strategies to deal with it now and have not sunk back into depression for over seven years.
For me, the rationalizing approach only goes so far. I can persuade myself that logically I probably don't have xyz disease, but ultimately, one day I WILL die of something, and it will mean leaving my life and the ones I love so much. I am not able to accept or find peace with this. Therefore I see my anxiety as much as a spiritual problem as an illness. I think these days childhood anxiety disorders are better understood and perhaps if I had got more support as a child I would have developed into a less anxious adult. On the other hand, my anxiety has taught me a great deal of compassion and resilience. I wonder whether anyone else can relate to my experiences?
So, so much Cattia - I REALLY could have written this. I worried about losing my mam from year dot and remember checking her breathing in the middle of the night from a very early age. I now worry about leaving my kids and like you Cattia I cannot find any peace with this and whilst some form of spiritual awakening would be lovely at the moment being back in the land of the living will do.
Gosh luc that sounds so like me! I used to think that if I didn't touch my toys on my bed in a certain order then something bad would happen to my family. I totally obsess about leaving my kids. I've read several books about overcoming fear of death. I've tried meditation and hypnosis. Still though when I think of dying I have a huge panic attack. I used to be religious but then I never knew if I really believed it or just believed it because it was reassuring so I had to many doubts to continue with it.
Serenity1990
07-05-14, 21:29
Serenity and honeylove, I have just came in from a neighbours house after a chat and coffee and thought 'my god, I am actually starting to live again after all these years'. I really want to hold on to this feeling and will try my hardest to do so.
My only advice is once you've got that feeling keep yourself busy with positive things, for a few weeks long enough to forget the unhelpful thought processes you got into. I know life doesn't always allow that, but that's the only way I've found works. :)
I'm absolutely determined to beat this. I have come a long way in the last month or so. I have come to realise that HA is a part of who I am but realise at the same time that it is me who has ultimate control over IT!!!
I've had a couple of blips in the last 7yrs and this last one was the longest with many more new symptoms but it has made me stronger. I still have a long way to go and still have the odd bad couple of days. For me it's learning to accept that this will invariably happen and is nothing to be scared of.
:) I will be cured :)
Yes I am most definitely committed to getting better.
I have been a member here for several years but with long breaks. My HA comes in waves, the last one was over a year ago, then this time things have been pretty bad for the last 4 months, triggered by actually being referred to specialists for physical things that were wrong, NOT things I'd imagined, but the imagined things soon came along as I tried to deal with the real things and it all spun out of control again.
I feel I'm coming out the other side now, and my thoughts are gradually becoming less obsessive.
I have had several medical tests recently which fortunately all came back negative...but I have come to realise that medical tests are a 'snapshot', and a negative result today does not guarantee immunity from that (or any other) condition tomorrow, next week, or in ten years. Anything can happen to our bodies at any time, our bodies do amazing things in keeping us going day to day, but we have no control over most of the illnesses we fear, all we can do is live life as healthily as we can, look after ourselves and our loved ones and just do our best.
I am also trying to remember that 'most people' will not get a serious life threatening illness, 'most people' will have a non eventful healthy life and die of an age related condition. Yes there is a chance that I will not be 'most people' but if that happens, I will get treatment and fight the illness because that will be my only choice. I'll be treading a path that many before me have gone down and I won't be alone.
I am trying not to look for symptoms. I'm trying to accept that if there was something seriously wrong I would not need to 'look'....
I've used the word 'trying' a few times here....that's what I'm doing.
Best of luck to everyone else who's trying too.
Lin xx
Wish we had a "like" button. :D
contrafobic
08-05-14, 08:11
I am working too. Some of the symptoms are gone. I try to keep myself occupied and not think about them. This forum has helped me alot. Finding out that I was not alone was very important for me.
I'm committed, just don't know how. Still building up the courage to talk to my GP about it.... I was determined to beat it on my own but I'm really struggling.
Great thread, Skippy. Thanks for putting it out there. I'm leaps and bounds ahead of where I was with my anxiety six months ago, but still not where I want to be. Like Chris stated, I feel like I've reached some sort of a plateau and want to move forward.
I spoke to a counselor yesterday after having another small setback.
I'm asking myself why I didn't do it sooner! We have 2 more sessions together!
I have felt normal for over 24hrs!
I spoke to a counselor yesterday after having another small setback.
I'm asking myself why I didn't do it sooner! We have 2 more sessions together!
I have felt normal for over 24hrs!
It's amazing how good therapy can be for you. It's good for everyone, even if you don't have any mental health problems. I truly believe that it's one of the best gifts you can give to yourself, especially if struggling with anxiety :)
---------- Post added at 13:06 ---------- Previous post was at 13:04 ----------
Serenity and honeylove, I have just came in from a neighbours house after a chat and coffee and thought 'my god, I am actually starting to live again after all these years'. I really want to hold on to this feeling and will try my hardest to do so.
Glad to hear it luc, having a moment like that is a great point on the road to recovery.
Part of getting better from anxiety is learning to make yourself happy, to hold on to those good feelings. So even if something as simple as a chat with a neighbour makes you feel good, keep doing it, it's all about small efforts to bring your baseline levels of happiness up :)
Great thread, Skippy. Thanks for putting it out there. I'm leaps and bounds ahead of where I was with my anxiety six months ago, but still not where I want to be. Like Chris stated, I feel like I've reached some sort of a plateau and want to move forward.
Do you suppose, that like weight training and fitness plateaus, that a change up in your "mental workout" plan would get you off the plateau and onward? Perhaps a new book or self help therapy to add tools to the tool box would help increase the momentum in healing.
Do you think our minds, like our bodies, become acclimated to the exercises we've been doing for a long period of time and we need a positive mental shakeup to get the juices flowing again?
Just a thought
I find the concept of getting better a tricky one, maybe that's part of my issue? I've had anxiety my whole life. I can remember having lots of ocd type issues age 8 or 9. By 9 I was having regular full blown panic attacks. Muddled though for years with lots of anxiety issues before getting my first bout of major depression age 22. I feel I spent a long time in my twenties looking for a cure. It became a counter productive process for me. Once I accepted that I'll probably always have anxiety I felt more at peace. Nowadays I have periods of almost total remission and then periods when things aren't great. I have a lot more strategies to deal with it now and have not sunk back into depression for over seven years.
For me, the rationalizing approach only goes so far. I can persuade myself that logically I probably don't have xyz disease, but ultimately, one day I WILL die of something, and it will mean leaving my life and the ones I love so much. I am not able to accept or find peace with this. Therefore I see my anxiety as much as a spiritual problem as an illness. I think these days childhood anxiety disorders are better understood and perhaps if I had got more support as a child I would have developed into a less anxious adult. On the other hand, my anxiety has taught me a great deal of compassion and resilience. I wonder whether anyone else can relate to my experiences?
Wow Cattia,
That sounds just like me! Really! At 17 I was in a car crash that killed my 3 best friends. I live in a small town and it devastated everyone (long story) The thing is I have not been the same since.... but did not really have a major breakdown until 2001 nearly 20 yrs later!! now after years of therapies ( and a spell in a psych unit last year) I have come to accept that "this is me", who I am. So like someone with any lifelong condition I have to adapt. Sometimes it goes a bit pear shaped, sometimes I am alright.... mostly I feel a bit cheated out life...... but I keep going because "tomorrow's another day"....
I think because all of this happened in my "formative" years PTSD has become who I am (that's not just me saying that 3 psychiatrists said it too)
Sarah
SarahH, I'm sorry that you went through that experience, and the fact that it formed so much of who you are now. It sounds though that you have been in good hands over the years, and I know from the posts on these boards that you seem to feel more balanced in your mental health these days. I hope things keep getting better for you xx
Wow, compared to everybody else's stories I really feel like i need to put my own crap in perspective for myself. I am sucking it up and just going to the dentist instead of worrying all day every day. My appt is Tuesday. I can't do anything about it until then, so I have to stop worrying.
You know what we all have our "stories" and if everyone had the therapy I have had over the years they would see the reasons behind their "anxiety" (did that make sense?). Read any good psychotherapy book and it will tell you that the people we are today has stemmed from our formative years. My whole childhood, although essentially a happy one, was punctuated by feelings of "loss" of loved ones, hence my fear of sudden death and losing people = anxiety. That is obviously a very succinct explanation. I am not saying everyones anxiety is like mine, just that we are all different and some of us will have to live with who we are. Understanding and acceptance has helped me through all this white.... but there will never be a cure for my PTSD as it is part of me now.
sarah
We have wobbles, dips, and it is in the nature of the beast to try to immediately grab the ball and run with it to utter hopelessness and despair. We see only the bad, we only vaguely remember the good days, we become convinced they were an illusion or are over for us ... That is the relapse. At it's worst, our mind tells us that we don't fit in, not even on this forum. We're different. We are worse off. Unfixable. If we are lucky, our spirits will reach out wanting nothing more than just the acknowledgement that we are cared about. We are hurting, and someone out there has heard us. After awhile, we are reassured that we are a spiritual being, having a human experience. Hope for recovery from the relapse flickers, and we begin to reverse from the spiral, becoming a "part-of" again, picking up old and new tools that we tossed aside when we allowed ourselves to give up and give in to the anxiety or despair. Our days get better, our friendships flourish again, and as we gain courage and strength, we are able to provide support for others again, and enjoy life. I know now that I have had my condition since childhood, and I think it is realistic to expect it to be there in the future as well. It is a chronic thing, like diabetes. I need to manage it carefully with a balance of activity and social contact, good food and hydration and sleep that my brain and body needs, and I can't afford to ignore. And to take responsibility for all of this, and especially for reaching out for help, despite the low self-esteem and denial that want to pull me backwards. I am not different. I am not worse off, hopeless. I need to listen, and try. Not to critique and reject. I need to be grateful that there are people who are willing and able to help me. And I am. As is sometimes said in "another fellowship", I am going to take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth now. Thank you. I am listening. ...
Marie
Wow Sarah, what an awful experience, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that at such a young age. I am not surprised that it's been a defining factor in your life, and something that you have had to learn to live with over all these years.
I sometimes wonder whether accepting that anxiety is a part of me is a kind of failure, when I see people talking about getting better. For me, going back to the 'old me' or 'how I was before' isn't something that I can relate to as I have been this way to one degree or another for my whole living memory. That's why I don't look for a cure. However I do look for a healthy and peaceful acceptance of who I am, and I do look for ways to better manage my anxiety so those are the things I strive for.
I sometimes wonder whether accepting that anxiety is a part of me is a kind of failure, when I see people talking about getting better. For me, going back to the 'old me' or 'how I was before' isn't something that I can relate to as I have been this way to one degree or another for my whole living memory. That's why I don't look for a cure. However I do look for a healthy and peaceful acceptance of who I am, and I do look for ways to better manage my anxiety so those are the things I strive for.
That's an interesting perspective Cattia. I took some flack about my point of view concerning being "cured" of anxiety or any mental disorder.
We see so many have "blips" or relapses after doing well for a long period of time, sometimes years. Having had very serious physical illnesses as well as some depression and now "scanxiety", my views are such that I don't feel one is "cured" as much as one is "healed".
To be cured is to be the way you were prior to the illness. If you get strep throat or an illness that requires medication, by treating it, you are cured. Even with the common cold, when the virus runs it's course, you return to the way you were prior with no ill effects.
With a serious illness like cancer, you are "healed". I'm "cancer free" but I'm certainly not the person physically or mentally I was prior and never will be. Even concerning the depression I dealt with, I'm depression free but it affected me in that the experience became a part of who I am now.
In both instances, the physical and mental battles I fought have shaped me to who I am today as do many of life's experiences do to us all. What you said about finding a healthy and peaceful acceptance is key to healing from anxiety or any other physical or mental affliction we deal with. That's not to say it will always be there as some are never affected again. I was depression free for close to seven years but had a minor "blip" after cancer. The key for me was being aware and striking that balance you speak of. If I hadn't experienced it prior in my life, I wouldn't have recognized it. By depression being a part of who I am as a person it enabled me to deal with it much more effectively. The same goes for my "scanxiety". The knowledge I gained here actually helped me recognize what was happening and deal/treat it effectively through CBT and medication when needed.
Lastly, I wouldn't view your situation in getting better as a failure. Yes, people do heal but in this situation, it's still is a part of the fabric of who they are. I would look at it as a positive. Your situation gives you an advantage and gauge in that any improvement will be very noticeable and that's something others don't have.
Positive thoughts
One positive to come out of HA that in the process of recovery you have have to consciously work on happiness and self development. This can be fulfilling a (it is just sad it did not come sooner). I am also thankful that my own commitment to recover coincided with many like minded NMP members. I still do not have the answers as to why I subconsciously sabotage my happiness and why I subconsciously must feel I am unworthy of happiness - do I need these answers to move forward? Thanks HL for the happy list idea. I am about to engage in one of mine now which is going to bed with a packet of midget gems. Very deep I know, but a real treat ha.
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