Spinx
07-12-06, 16:54
Hey everyone,
ive been flicking through your forum that i stumbled apon coz i cant spell citalopram and neither can some of you, so it came up on google...
i feel i could really benifit from talking to people who's heads work in a similar way to me, as i have closed myself off in recent years and made some stupid decisions.
ive felt slightly depressed as long as i can remeber, ive been through some very bad spells and some where im happy, but i've never been right. i also suffer from panic attacks i can be woken in the night by creaking floor boards at 2 and not have anymore sleep, i just want to hide.
I dont know why but the ****s in my school seemed to highlight me for bullying from the first day and it lasted till the end and they still insist on having a go when im about town now.
Recently i was attacked by 3 people whilst on a night out with friends, i was on my highest point i have ever been everything was looking up at this point. I was happy... The up shot of it was that i pushed one of them away and his head went through a window, it was purley by accident i just wanted him to stop hitting me but the police wont listen they seem to have me down as a criminal... now im due in crown court on the 2nd of january, this is the primary reason i am now on anti-depressants. i was able to cope, just about before - this has just caused everything to crumble, im crying writing about it i just cant belive its happening.
other than that i have been battleing an esculating drug habit over the last few years... it started with abit of weed to pass the time and has ended in all manner of chemicals, thankfully i broke the cycle and i didn't turn back to them when everything blew up but i can still feel the negative effects 9 months on from cleaning up my act and its one of the biggest regrets of my life so far, but as long as i stay strong i feel its in the past.
anyway, the NHS give me my drugs now [:P] i've read alot on citalopram and i hope that it will give me the strength i need to deal with these problems without loosing my job and decending all the way back into the dark times ive had before.
the side affects over the last week have been interesting to say the least i constantly feel achey and tierd. Ive been sent home from work, twice because i wasn't making sence, but things started looking up today infact [8)]
i've edited this to put in what problems i actually have in real life, sorry to seem like im dumping issues that cant be dealt with the background.
im nervous when i am around people, and although i can hide it, i have real problems in that i will always be convinced everyone is ploting against me... this applys to work as well.
im also paranoid about things that happen around me or in the news. things like i was convinced that the anti-depressants i have were placebos because everyone thought i was lieing about how i felt and it was a test to prove i was faking it when i said i felt better, or i see things on the news about people getting stabbed and think that it will be me next.
as well as that i im trying to cope with depression, for years i had it and assumed it was normal, but recently i am have learned what it is and i am concentrating on pushing the negatives out of my head. although it never always works, and i can usually do it. when things go wrong i cannot cope at all.
thats a shortened version of me....
Sam
Age: 18
keep smiling...
ive been flicking through your forum that i stumbled apon coz i cant spell citalopram and neither can some of you, so it came up on google...
i feel i could really benifit from talking to people who's heads work in a similar way to me, as i have closed myself off in recent years and made some stupid decisions.
ive felt slightly depressed as long as i can remeber, ive been through some very bad spells and some where im happy, but i've never been right. i also suffer from panic attacks i can be woken in the night by creaking floor boards at 2 and not have anymore sleep, i just want to hide.
I dont know why but the ****s in my school seemed to highlight me for bullying from the first day and it lasted till the end and they still insist on having a go when im about town now.
Recently i was attacked by 3 people whilst on a night out with friends, i was on my highest point i have ever been everything was looking up at this point. I was happy... The up shot of it was that i pushed one of them away and his head went through a window, it was purley by accident i just wanted him to stop hitting me but the police wont listen they seem to have me down as a criminal... now im due in crown court on the 2nd of january, this is the primary reason i am now on anti-depressants. i was able to cope, just about before - this has just caused everything to crumble, im crying writing about it i just cant belive its happening.
other than that i have been battleing an esculating drug habit over the last few years... it started with abit of weed to pass the time and has ended in all manner of chemicals, thankfully i broke the cycle and i didn't turn back to them when everything blew up but i can still feel the negative effects 9 months on from cleaning up my act and its one of the biggest regrets of my life so far, but as long as i stay strong i feel its in the past.
anyway, the NHS give me my drugs now [:P] i've read alot on citalopram and i hope that it will give me the strength i need to deal with these problems without loosing my job and decending all the way back into the dark times ive had before.
the side affects over the last week have been interesting to say the least i constantly feel achey and tierd. Ive been sent home from work, twice because i wasn't making sence, but things started looking up today infact [8)]
i've edited this to put in what problems i actually have in real life, sorry to seem like im dumping issues that cant be dealt with the background.
im nervous when i am around people, and although i can hide it, i have real problems in that i will always be convinced everyone is ploting against me... this applys to work as well.
im also paranoid about things that happen around me or in the news. things like i was convinced that the anti-depressants i have were placebos because everyone thought i was lieing about how i felt and it was a test to prove i was faking it when i said i felt better, or i see things on the news about people getting stabbed and think that it will be me next.
as well as that i im trying to cope with depression, for years i had it and assumed it was normal, but recently i am have learned what it is and i am concentrating on pushing the negatives out of my head. although it never always works, and i can usually do it. when things go wrong i cannot cope at all.
thats a shortened version of me....
Sam
Age: 18
keep smiling...