Everything.

[Jonesle]

im so tired of worrying about everything, especially the health.
I can't talk to my parents about it because they just huff and puff and think im ridiculous.
my partner is going to just think im weird, plus that area of my life is not exactly amazing anyway.
I thought i was getting better, my doctor put me on anti anxiety tablets, which in fairness havent worked but i was almost in the right mind set until BOOM
new mole appears. what did i do? instead of rationalising "im only young im going to have new moles" i start looking at it, poking it, taking photographs of it, its so much different from all the others, got a big pimple looking thing in the middle.
im seeing my gp a week today for a follow up, il show her the mole but im now worried that shes not even going to look properly because she knows i have HA. or she'll just be like "no im not looking your moles are all fine"
I'm going to get a private CBT therapist as theres nothing in my area on nhs (typical) and ask my doctor to recommend me one.
I'm so scared im slipping into depression with my HA. i cried all the way home from work today (about a 30 minute journey) thinking about my mole, my job, my partner, everything.
I sort of just wanted a little vent on here, although any kind words would be much appreciated. and please dont berate me, im honestly trying my best :weep:

[swgrl09]

I hate the feelings you are describing. I know exactly how you feel. For me, if it's not one thing, it's another. There is hope though. How long have you been on medication? Sometimes they take adjusting and time to really work. I was on lexapro for a year and a half and it was a huge help. I am relapsing now that I am off them so considering going back on ...

You are doing all the right things. You have gone to your doctor, you are searching for a therapist, and you are talking about what's going on. Those are big steps that take some people a long time to get to. You are on the right path! It can't get worse than this, right? So it can only get better.

Also, if it helps, my husband has tons of moles that freak me out to no end but his doctor has given them the OK. Some are multicolored, some weird shapes, etc. They fail all the "normal" mole criteria but the doctor says they are fine. So I am sure yours will be too. I had a birth mark show up at age 14 ... aka not at birth, like they are supposed to. I had it biopsied and it was nothing. You will be ok!

[eevee]

Sending hugs for you, Jonesle. Just wanted to say that I totally understand. I can't really talk to anybody around me myself because they just don't take me seriously, or just are already fed up with me. Keep thinking that something bad is going to happen to me :weep:

I guess people just don't understand that we _don't_ ask for this! It's something we can't control... yet. I'm sure your mole is fine, but to put your mind at rest show it to your GP when you meet her next time.

*hugs*

[Jonesle]

Thank you both for your kind words.
The last few days are horrible, I just keep thinking of the mole. I need to stop it as there's nothing I can do about it, I'm just hoping so much that it's fine. Keep checking it as if it's going to change or disappear before my eyes!
I hate this and I know I've been worried about other moles before which turned out to be fine but I think with HA it's like "but what if this time" like this time is always so much different and so much worse.
Been on medication for just under two weeks now, although it's a "take as and when" kind of drug. I'm so stressed out tonight, probably because I'm alone and got nothing but my morbid thoughts :(
Xxx thanks again for the replies, they help xxx

[unsure_about_this]

Hi

I have also had major health, worrying no stop about my health from bowel cancer, pancreatic cancer, testicle cancer, penile cancer, prostate cancer, bone cancer etc.

Last year I drove my parents mad, I got told nothing wrong with me by my parents, you would know etc. My mum got cross with me because some days I did not go out, my abdominal pain was so bad some days.

From late 2012 to 2013 I was at the GP at least nearly every week.
I got told you been sent for these scans to reassurance yourself nothing is wrong.

I also got some help from one of the GP who referred me to get some CBT to help with my anxiety, even though this CBT did not help after 12 sessions, I had one good week a few weeks ago, but still checking myself all the time, my poop in bowel, urine in bowel, toilet paper, skin, testicle self exam etc.

If you are concerned about your moles than see your GP, who will probably refer you to see someone who will also check them out to tell you whether anything needs doing to them, as other people have said you are doing the right thing.

[Jonesle]

Thank you unsure. Self examination is key, I have a small cyst by my ear and I convinced myself it was the c word. So what did I do? Practically walked round with my finger on it as if it'll grow right there.
The only thing that distracted me from that was when this new mole appeared. I've seen a skin specialist twice already and he's reassured me I'm fine. But because it's new it wasn't there before. I will show my gp it on Thursday when I go in but I'm so super frightened :( can't stop looking at it.
Weeegggghhhhh :weep:

[unsure_about_this]

About the self examination I am forever checking myself, when I was really bad with my health anxiety it was 40-60 sometimes even more per day. I also check my scan a lot because I have NF so freak out about every mark I find, also checking current lumps which have been checked by gp which are okay as I want some of these removing.

I been told by one GP once a month for self examination is enough , but with so much media about various cancers lately in the paper, makes me want to run down the GP more and more to be checked I am okay health wise.

[Jonesle]

Haha I know the feeling, I wish I could have an appointment every morning before work so I could have the all clear every single day, and if anything presented itself I'd only have to wait 24 hours for medical attention. How sad is that?
The media is awful, it's like everyday there's a cancer related news article and to check your moles, spots, lymph nodes, breasts (for me) , testicles (I'd check them if I had any) , faeces, urine, weight, sleep pattern etc etc etc for signs of possible illness. Don't they realise that's like health anxiety fuel. So unfair :(

[Bear&bug]

I would love a GP appointment every day too. And each day a new GP so they would never think I was crazy. Ah in a perfect world...lol. I completely get how you're feeling Jonesle. I've been almost in tears over my leukemia fears every day for a week. I've been so depressed & exhausted, & just can't stop checking & obsessing. I'm terrified. But it's not been cancer before & realistically I know how unlikely it is to be this time. I'm going to my doctor on Tuesday & a bit scared she 'll write me off & not take me seriously, & I'm also scared she'll frighten me by taking it TOO seriously. :doh: lol

[unsure_about_this]

If I could I would also love to be able to book a GP appointment every day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon (but know this is impossible to get) I also feared the type of cancers mainly found in only male over 50 prostate, penile (I know there are cancers that both sexes can get and fear those as well)
I am 30 but you did hear cancers of people under 50 who get these type of cancers (still talking about penile and prostate) and the other cancers.
I forever checking my private part and skin.
I also would weigh myself daily, we don't have scales at home, so last time I used scales in a shopping centre toilets which cost me 50p, I did it twice because I got different readings.
I just find it hard to trust the GPs sometimes, even though nothing serious have been found wrong with me, I always think something is wrong with me daily.

I just noticed what I type in the last post should be skin and not scan

[luc]

Just had an exhausting 20 minutes. Went to get ready for bed and had to check my top of course. Checked again and again, under various lights etc..... blood doesn't just jump out on you you know! Only stopped when one of my kids caught me. Regarding the Doctor, if I see mine in the street I hide - what if she gives me that 'all knowing look'! Getting my prescription is a challenge also, what if that receptionist's voice alters when I say my name !!!:shades:

[Jonesle]

Yep, it's exhausting and depressing. My doctor must think I'm bonkers. And the receptionist. There was a medical student in with her last time, bet they laughed at me when I left lol. I check and check, nobody gets it :( just read a post about normal doctor visits? They said they last visited 11 weeks ago. 11. I've been more times this year than "normal" people go in a decade. I don't like me at the moment :(