Worrier13
08-05-14, 23:49
Hello! This is my first post to this forum, I've been on the HA forum before.
I really hope that even one person takes the time to read this whole thing and answers something, anything..
So I have been dealing with anxiety for 8 months. I'm 20 year old girl. It just came out of nowhere, I even remember the exact night. I got this weird head pressure and panic.
Usually I have two good weeks and then two horrible weeks. Why is that? Then these two horrible weeks are so bad. I can't even sleep because my main fear is schitzophrenia and I'm obsessed with thinking about it and fearing that I will eventually get it. I saw a therapist for about one month before she moved away. But we have one more therapist here in this small town but I have to get an EEG first before I can see her (why..?), I'm getting that on May 19th. Well anyways, my shrink thought that I have OCD and anxiety disorder and my obsession/fear is loosing my touch with reality and then when my anxiety comes with it, it goes of the roof. I spend all nights thinking about I will end up in a locked up mental institution eventhough I had such great plans for my future. Sometimes I think that I wont even live past 25.
I have never heard voices or anything like that but I always, when I get this panic, think I will and refuse to go out of my room since I would be embrarrassed if I started to get psychosis symptoms out in public..(lol).
Like one night, I really tried to sleep but then I saw a bright light and got so scared that I spend 4 hours online searching reasons for this. Then I found out that there was a bustop just outside my house and a bus there right at that time so it was because it.
My heartrate is always way over 110 and my heads feels weird, can't sleep AND I'M SO SCARED THAT I WILL GO MAD.
I have been thinking that maybe I should start a diary. So I could always write things when I'm happy and then read them when I feel like crap. Because then I usually get this feeling 'I have been feeling like this for 8 months and it's not getting any better, someday I will start hearing voices and go crazy and I should just kill myself right now' eventhough I have had good moments too.
So...any advice? :/ Feeling really anxious atm. Have been for the past 5 days and also, constant nightmares and sleep paralyzis so I'm too scared to go to sleep. I have slept for 4 hours in the past 3 days. I hate my dreams and I hate going to bed. Also I hate silence cause then I'm paying so much attention to every little sound. Can anyone relate?
---------- Post added at 22:49 ---------- Previous post was at 22:42 ----------
+ I think my main oroblem is that I just can't seem to understand that this is just OCD and anxiety. First I was certain that I had a brain tumor. Like ''omg I have never felt like this before, this tension and headache is new, it can't be anxiety, it's cancer!' so I had a MARi done - nothing.
I wish people could test themself for future psychosis etc. so I could be in peace and try to accept that there does not always have to be bigger reason for everything and it's not always the worst case scenario. Everytime I get this feeling I'm always thinking ''okay, this is the moment when I lose my mind''. But I didn't lose anything the past 439538497 times so why would I now? OMG HELP ME
I really hope that even one person takes the time to read this whole thing and answers something, anything..
So I have been dealing with anxiety for 8 months. I'm 20 year old girl. It just came out of nowhere, I even remember the exact night. I got this weird head pressure and panic.
Usually I have two good weeks and then two horrible weeks. Why is that? Then these two horrible weeks are so bad. I can't even sleep because my main fear is schitzophrenia and I'm obsessed with thinking about it and fearing that I will eventually get it. I saw a therapist for about one month before she moved away. But we have one more therapist here in this small town but I have to get an EEG first before I can see her (why..?), I'm getting that on May 19th. Well anyways, my shrink thought that I have OCD and anxiety disorder and my obsession/fear is loosing my touch with reality and then when my anxiety comes with it, it goes of the roof. I spend all nights thinking about I will end up in a locked up mental institution eventhough I had such great plans for my future. Sometimes I think that I wont even live past 25.
I have never heard voices or anything like that but I always, when I get this panic, think I will and refuse to go out of my room since I would be embrarrassed if I started to get psychosis symptoms out in public..(lol).
Like one night, I really tried to sleep but then I saw a bright light and got so scared that I spend 4 hours online searching reasons for this. Then I found out that there was a bustop just outside my house and a bus there right at that time so it was because it.
My heartrate is always way over 110 and my heads feels weird, can't sleep AND I'M SO SCARED THAT I WILL GO MAD.
I have been thinking that maybe I should start a diary. So I could always write things when I'm happy and then read them when I feel like crap. Because then I usually get this feeling 'I have been feeling like this for 8 months and it's not getting any better, someday I will start hearing voices and go crazy and I should just kill myself right now' eventhough I have had good moments too.
So...any advice? :/ Feeling really anxious atm. Have been for the past 5 days and also, constant nightmares and sleep paralyzis so I'm too scared to go to sleep. I have slept for 4 hours in the past 3 days. I hate my dreams and I hate going to bed. Also I hate silence cause then I'm paying so much attention to every little sound. Can anyone relate?
---------- Post added at 22:49 ---------- Previous post was at 22:42 ----------
+ I think my main oroblem is that I just can't seem to understand that this is just OCD and anxiety. First I was certain that I had a brain tumor. Like ''omg I have never felt like this before, this tension and headache is new, it can't be anxiety, it's cancer!' so I had a MARi done - nothing.
I wish people could test themself for future psychosis etc. so I could be in peace and try to accept that there does not always have to be bigger reason for everything and it's not always the worst case scenario. Everytime I get this feeling I'm always thinking ''okay, this is the moment when I lose my mind''. But I didn't lose anything the past 439538497 times so why would I now? OMG HELP ME