Can someone please talk to me/help?! :(

[Worrier13]

Hello! This is my first post to this forum, I've been on the HA forum before.

I really hope that even one person takes the time to read this whole thing and answers something, anything..

So I have been dealing with anxiety for 8 months. I'm 20 year old girl. It just came out of nowhere, I even remember the exact night. I got this weird head pressure and panic.

Usually I have two good weeks and then two horrible weeks. Why is that? Then these two horrible weeks are so bad. I can't even sleep because my main fear is schitzophrenia and I'm obsessed with thinking about it and fearing that I will eventually get it. I saw a therapist for about one month before she moved away. But we have one more therapist here in this small town but I have to get an EEG first before I can see her (why..?), I'm getting that on May 19th. Well anyways, my shrink thought that I have OCD and anxiety disorder and my obsession/fear is loosing my touch with reality and then when my anxiety comes with it, it goes of the roof. I spend all nights thinking about I will end up in a locked up mental institution eventhough I had such great plans for my future. Sometimes I think that I wont even live past 25.

I have never heard voices or anything like that but I always, when I get this panic, think I will and refuse to go out of my room since I would be embrarrassed if I started to get psychosis symptoms out in public..(lol).

Like one night, I really tried to sleep but then I saw a bright light and got so scared that I spend 4 hours online searching reasons for this. Then I found out that there was a bustop just outside my house and a bus there right at that time so it was because it.

My heartrate is always way over 110 and my heads feels weird, can't sleep AND I'M SO SCARED THAT I WILL GO MAD.

I have been thinking that maybe I should start a diary. So I could always write things when I'm happy and then read them when I feel like crap. Because then I usually get this feeling 'I have been feeling like this for 8 months and it's not getting any better, someday I will start hearing voices and go crazy and I should just kill myself right now' eventhough I have had good moments too.

So...any advice? :/ Feeling really anxious atm. Have been for the past 5 days and also, constant nightmares and sleep paralyzis so I'm too scared to go to sleep. I have slept for 4 hours in the past 3 days. I hate my dreams and I hate going to bed. Also I hate silence cause then I'm paying so much attention to every little sound. Can anyone relate?

---------- Post added at 22:49 ---------- Previous post was at 22:42 ----------

+ I think my main oroblem is that I just can't seem to understand that this is just OCD and anxiety. First I was certain that I had a brain tumor. Like ''omg I have never felt like this before, this tension and headache is new, it can't be anxiety, it's cancer!' so I had a MARi done - nothing.

I wish people could test themself for future psychosis etc. so I could be in peace and try to accept that there does not always have to be bigger reason for everything and it's not always the worst case scenario. Everytime I get this feeling I'm always thinking ''okay, this is the moment when I lose my mind''. But I didn't lose anything the past 439538497 times so why would I now? OMG HELP ME

[tuesdayschild44]

I had the the exact same fear when I was sixteen, I read a book about a kid who had it bad idea, I thought the exact same things you do, that I could go crazy in public, missed so many days of school. But I can tell you, you will get past it, I did, try not to think about it! Tell yourself all the reasons it isn't that, think of reasons why it isn't. Write them down then refer back to as much as you need to, it will be alright..

---------- Post added at 19:00 ---------- Previous post was at 18:55 ----------

As for the sleep, that is me too, it's your anxiety waking you and keeping you up.
Did your doctor prescribe anything for you? Melatonin helps you can buy it over the counter. It helps induce sleep.
Did you get anything for anxiety?

[Worrier13]

Thank you so much for your reply! Yeah sometimes I do understand that this fear is pointless and that I'm even too much in touch with my reality since I notice every little thing (tiny noises outside my window, dogs barking a mile away, every lightchange in my room because of sunset etc.). But like sometimes when I'm watching TV my mind goes completely blank for a second and all sound goes way. I freak out because of that, get a weird feeling my head and feel horrible for many days. It's probably because I'm so sleep deprivated all the time but I cant help it :/

[tuesdayschild44]

Sleep deprivation will do that, I will be watching tv and my husband will ask what was said or what happened and I have no idea, I'm leaving doors and drawers open forgetting where I put something oh and driving, wow that's tough. But you hang in there, you will have better days!

[summer.wolf]

Hi. I do not suffer your symptoms but noted you have this for two weeks. You could look into pmdd if you keep a diary of your emotions you could see if there is any pattern with your periods and could be hormones not helping your existing anxiety? Good luck x

[Worrier13]

Yeah, I should really think about that! :o