SJM94
09-05-14, 01:44
Hi everyone ! I am new to this forum and this is my first post. I have been lurking for about six months to a year now and it this site really has helped me a lot but I felt it was time I made an account !
So anyway without making this too much of a ramble I have just tuned 20 and have been dealing with health anxiety on and off since about the age of 11 but the last year and half it has been it's worst. Every couple of weeks I've believed I had or discovered something new mainly some form of cancer and quite often a brain tumor but for the past month it has been ALS and have honestly never been this scared in my whole life, currently as I am writing this I am in full blown panic mode crying my eyes out.
It started off one night about a month ago and I had a twitch in my right calf muscle and me being a typical health anxiety sufferer went straight to dr google and discovered this awful and scary disease. and since then I have muscle twitches most days ! mainly in my right calf but in other places aswell. They mainly happen when sitting still. I am a musical theatre student so I am always dancing, currently majoring in dance and I have had no weakness and I feel my actual muscles are working perfectly fine (I keep telling myself this is a good thing !) I'm also going round doing all them famous strength and reflex tests, making myself look a right idiot ! however so far no problem with them. But one thing I have noticed is my right claf muscle (the one with the twitching) is slightly more bulky than my left, my mum who is at her wits end with me and my HA tells me this is in my head and I'm being silly, I've made her feel and look at them a few times the past couple of weeks and she says she can't see or feel a difference but I think I can, and they look different in pictures I have taken on my laptop:wacko: However I don't know if this could be a side effect of fallen arches in both my feet with my right being the stronger foot.
Anyway I am at breaking point now, I want to go to the doctors but I'm so afraid of going and I pretty much have a panic attack every time I'm there ! I just want to live a normal care and worry free life like the rest of my friends but it's hard to do that when I keep convincing myself I am dying :'( I feel so selfish and stupid because there are people who are suffering with this awful disease but I can't help thinking or feeling like this !
If you have read this thank you so much and I am sorry it's so long ! its sometimes helps just to get things off my chest ! if anyone has any info or advice that would be amazing !
So anyway without making this too much of a ramble I have just tuned 20 and have been dealing with health anxiety on and off since about the age of 11 but the last year and half it has been it's worst. Every couple of weeks I've believed I had or discovered something new mainly some form of cancer and quite often a brain tumor but for the past month it has been ALS and have honestly never been this scared in my whole life, currently as I am writing this I am in full blown panic mode crying my eyes out.
It started off one night about a month ago and I had a twitch in my right calf muscle and me being a typical health anxiety sufferer went straight to dr google and discovered this awful and scary disease. and since then I have muscle twitches most days ! mainly in my right calf but in other places aswell. They mainly happen when sitting still. I am a musical theatre student so I am always dancing, currently majoring in dance and I have had no weakness and I feel my actual muscles are working perfectly fine (I keep telling myself this is a good thing !) I'm also going round doing all them famous strength and reflex tests, making myself look a right idiot ! however so far no problem with them. But one thing I have noticed is my right claf muscle (the one with the twitching) is slightly more bulky than my left, my mum who is at her wits end with me and my HA tells me this is in my head and I'm being silly, I've made her feel and look at them a few times the past couple of weeks and she says she can't see or feel a difference but I think I can, and they look different in pictures I have taken on my laptop:wacko: However I don't know if this could be a side effect of fallen arches in both my feet with my right being the stronger foot.
Anyway I am at breaking point now, I want to go to the doctors but I'm so afraid of going and I pretty much have a panic attack every time I'm there ! I just want to live a normal care and worry free life like the rest of my friends but it's hard to do that when I keep convincing myself I am dying :'( I feel so selfish and stupid because there are people who are suffering with this awful disease but I can't help thinking or feeling like this !
If you have read this thank you so much and I am sorry it's so long ! its sometimes helps just to get things off my chest ! if anyone has any info or advice that would be amazing !