beating myself up all the time

[tricia56]

ever since the anxiety started along time ago im still doing the same things that keep the anxiety going, analizing every thought or feeling, I either google, fone helplines up or go see my gp just for reassurance I don't seem know how I can seem to stop it, even tho deep down i know by doing what I do its keeping the anxiety going, every day I tell myself that its only anxiety but it seems my brain for some reason wont exept it if that makes sence, and I know its me thats doing it to myself, I beat myself up everyday as to why I do wat I do. ive had cbt in the past but it didn't help much, I don't take meds, I even beat myself up all the time as to why im im so petriefied of taking them even tho my gp as offerd me them many times but no matter how much people tell me try and take them and reassure me that nothing will happen to me I feel as if im being pressured into taking something I don't want to take and that no one knows or don't seem to understand how petriefied I am by taking them and then it makes me feel that every one thinks im not helping myself and that I don't want to get better but the are so wrong as that's all I want is to get better. sorry for going on but I just thought maybe there is some one on here who is like me and give me some advice as to how to over come stopping what ive been doing with the over analizing etc, thk you

[Sunflower2]

I'm an over analyser too! Plus I'm also at the stage where I know medication is what I need to give me a kick in the right direction as I'm doing every possible self help thing out there. I've been offered them as well and everyone wants me to get better but like I'm absolutely terrified of taking anything because I end up convincing myself something awful will go wrong, and at the first feeling of anything I think right that's it I've had enough! So I can't help really but just letting you know I feel similar!

[tricia56]

I thk you Kimberly for replying to me its good to know im not alone that some one out there is just like me, I don't know if there is any self help guides anyware on the internet to help me overcome the over analizing or reassurance as ive looked but cant find anything so thk u again xx

[Sunflower2]

When I start obsessing over things and panicking I try to take myself out the situation, going for a walk always helps. And I distract my mind with other things. Then once ive calmed down I challenge the thought and work out why it's worried me so much, then what I can do about it or try to think of a more balanced thought. Then once I've done that I can sort of let it go, until a little while later when it pops up again! Just takes persistence and I'm definitely not a master at it, but it does work and I'm getting better at it!

What do you worry about so much?

[tricia56]

im trying all them things at the moment Kimberly, its the intrusive thoughts im worried about a lot as I hate anything to do with suicide just hearing the word or if I hear of anyone committing it its always seems to start my thoughts off yet I don't know why that happens even if i hear about some one who is got very bad depression I get scared and think wat if I go like that ,I don't know if its because I have a sister who suffers with clinical depression and was a alcoholic and drug abuser for 30yrs and has tried to kill her self quite a few times and has even tried doing it while she lived me and its always been me that has had to get her to hospital and help etc . and also since xmas my son inlaw has been suffering with very depression and anxiety which came out of noware , so I don't know if that's having impact on me and why im so scared of it all, not too sure tho

[Sunflower2]

Oh goodness I'm sorry that sounds really difficult always worrying about the threat of family members taking their own life. No wonder it's had a knock on effect on you! I think you need to talk to someone about this, can you get that through your gp? It's a really stressful situation for you and I think the best thing would be to come to terms with these horrible things you've been put through! Plus coming from someone who has hidden my anxiety from my family because I'm scared of their reaction, just be there for your son and know that no matter how bad he feels you're always there for him! You sound like a really caring person!

[tricia56]

thk you Kimberly for your kind words, ive had tochange gps so im not sure if its worth mentioning to them as I did tell the cbt therapist I saw in december all about my sister because at the time my sister was living with me. and I only had 3 sessions because the therapist said that she felt she she couldn't help me with the cbt because I have to solved the problem regarding my sister living with me as she said the anxiety mostly was a lot to do with my sister ,my sister doesn't live with me nomore now she has gone into a hostel to live,