terrified I have lymphoma, feel like crying

[Worried 24/7]

I have had swollen lymph nodes in my neck for months, but it feels like I just keep getting more and more. I'm tired all the time. I have pains all over. I keep waking up sweating(which I keep hoping is from it getting warmer and still using my heavy comforter...) I keep finding new lumps here and there and I'm so scared. My neck feels super tight and I thought it was right muscles but now I'm scared it's from all my nodes being swollen. I found these hard lumps deep in my neck that I had finally convinced myself were just bones but now I'm scared they're actually rock hard lymph nodes. I have been waiting for my first appt with my new gp but I'm so scared I have lymphoma since I just keep getting more and more lumps on my neck!

---------- Post added 15-05-14 at 01:55 ---------- Previous post was 14-05-14 at 23:39 ----------

I don't want to die and I'm so convinced I am. I am terrified all the time :-(

[Amandala]

worried,
you helped me earlier and I just want to let you know it is highly unlikely you have lymphoma. First, lymph nodes don't like to be poked- if you do that, they will get larger. Second, when we go searching our bodies for things we are always going to find them. Now that I am checking, I have a lot of bumps!
The pain, fatigue, and tight neck feeling you know are classic anxiety symptoms.
I'm glad you are seeing a GP to put your mind at ease, but try not to worry.
(coming from the girl who had a melt down hours ago because of a tingly tongue!) :blush:

[Worried 24/7]

I can just feel so many lymph nodes in my neck and its scaring me:-( plus I've had a lump behind my tonsil for a while that no doctors seem to care about and my friend thinks is an abcess. My tonsils have been yellow spotted for a while and I'm scared maybe I have oral cancer that spread....I'm just so scared :-(

[Stressed32]

Hi worried 24/7. I was in your boat a few weeks ago. My son had bloodwork and when I googled what each test was that was off, google said lymphoma. The dr.msaid oh no, doesn't happen in babies and the lump would be on the collarbone. Well, that got me obsessing over it and convincing myself that I had it bc I have lumps on my neck all over the place. I had two doctors and 2 chiropractors look at my neck, and I don't have lymphoma.

Today my fear is back, why, I have no idea, so I googled images of lymphoma to see what it looks like. I did it because the 2nd dr I saw looked at my lumps and said no way! I see lymphoma in here and honey that ain't it. She felt too just bc I insisted. Lymphomas are really big...like golf ball sized nodes. Being able to feel your nodes is not lymphoma. Being skinny, which you are because I saw the pic you posted where you were worried about those deep neck muscles, makes them easier to find. We have a lot of bones in the neck too! I am sure that what you are feeling is bones and small nodes.

Have you had your hormones checked? I read in a previous post that you had a baby. Wonder if your anxiety is hormone related like mine?

[Worried 24/7]

I had a regular bloodwork panel with cdif...I don't know if that checks hormones. I did develop most my symptoms after I quit nursing. I nursed for about 21 months. Maybe my hormones are all screwed up. I just have such a long laundry list of symptoms that I can't think of anything else. My neck is sore and tight all the time. I keep getting random pains in specific places and I'm convinced it's from lymph nodes in those places that I can hardly even feel... I'm such a mess right now. I can't hardly live my life anymore. I'm constantly walking around poking and prodding myself looking for new lumps or sore spots....I'm scared that because I haven't been to a dentist or regular doctor in forever that I've progressed to untreatable cancer and I'm going to die.

---------- Post added at 04:14 ---------- Previous post was at 03:30 ----------

I just want to go back to feeling normal and healthy again. I appreciate all of your comments and support

[Stressed32]

I don't think coif measures hormones. You may want to see about getting progesterone, estrogen, tester one, thyroid etc. tested. I know hormones can make us feel crazy.

If it makes you feel any better, you are not alone. I am sO worried that I will die of some terrible disease and leave my babies wo a mom. I have 2, ages 11 months and 3. I'm scared too of any cancer and I'm always feeling my neck for knots. I don't know why I do it though....

I have just started back on Deplin and it is helping. I am also now taking progesterone and it's helping too, but my anxiety still has me on deaths door and nothing is even wrong!

[Worried 24/7]

I just feel like something is really wrong this time and everything just thinksI'm that crazy hypochondriac :( I'm so sick of it. I've got symptoms from head to toe and they aren't just normal aches and pains. I don't know how to get control of my life anymore.

[Stressed32]

I'm with you! I've even pictured myself at the cancer ward of md answer don telling my babies bye...and I have no symptoms of cancer! I actually had perfect labs just a month ago and have seen 2 drs and my chiropractor. It's the health anxiety! I bet every symptom you have is from anxiety! It does so much bad stuff to our bodies.

[Worried 24/7]

I hope it's not cancer. Thank you for talking to me

[GingerFish]

I know how you are feeling. I have a node behind my jaw and one on the lower side of my neck and I've had them for 4 months and all I can think is that they are caused by lymphoma. Stupid health anxiety has made me feel all over my body for lumps and when you go looking, you are bound to find something! Last night I got into a panic thinking I had a lump on my armpit which obviously made me think of lymphoma even more but after prodding I discovered it was just that lumpy vein that we have in our armpits.

[Stressed32]

And to piggy back on what Gingerfish said...just because it by or located near and node doesn't make it a node. We also have muscles, bones, and tissues near those nodes all of which swell. I saw a pic of where nodes are and I have a rather large lump on both sides of my neck right by that chain. It is my muscle and not a node. I hope that makes you feel better. It is my understanding about lymphoma that it's not something you'd have to prod and look hard for. I tried to attach a photo. Not sure if it worked though?

[Jolly12]

I went through this and I did cry. It can be literally terrifying. I found a lump on my collarbone, it moves around, gets bigger when I am sick, goes back down when I am feeling better. I have had it about 8 months. It hasn't grown, I have had an ultrasound and a needle biopsy. Are they 100% sure? No, we wait and watch. But I can tell you that through it all, I have become an "expert" at feeling every lymph node in my neck and around my thoracic outlets. It was my doctors who sent me for a needle biopsy, I didn't insist on it. If they think it is something worth looking into they will send you. They have nothing to lose by sending you for more tests, in fact, its defensive medicine.

A gal I am in seminary with has swollen nodes in the clavicle, under her arms and in her neck. They are tender and they hurt. She has a couple of small nodules on her lungs but the doctors aren't worried, its a wait and see approach and that is okay. Be still, and wait. I don't know if you are a religious person, but I know that I don't know what the future holds but I know that God holds the future.

My husband tells me, until I go to Medical School and get a medical degree that I can't self diagnose. Neither can you. Put it on the shelf until (if ever) there is something to actually worry about. Try to put it on the shelf. We control our emotions or they control us.

Blessings to you.

[clover1201]

I have had 3 lymph nodes in my neck since last sept. I have had 3 different drs feel my neck and i get scared that maybe they missed them, maybe they didnt notice them as i didnt point out where they were. But, if it was lymphoma or throat/neck cancer I guess they would have noticed them. Im sure your fine!
My cousin has lymphoma - is currently very poorly with it - and believe me, if you had it you would know!!! His symptoms are crazy and he never had any noticable lymph nodes up!

[Worried 24/7]

Thanks for all your comments. I just want to be here for my beautiful children for as long as they'll have me! I'm going to try to not poke at myself today....I literally poke and feel my neck all day. Could that make new ones pop up?

[Stressed32]

First, I want you to know I too poke....so no judgement here! For some reason it is easier for me to give you advise than to take it myself! Yes, poking can make them bigger.

It also makes your HA worse. You know why? You r poking as a safety thing to try to ease the feeling of HA. Poking for you and I is like someone else sitting down and taking a deep breath reminding themselves that everything is ok. Sounds like a great thing to do...but really it isn't because by poking what we are doing is keeping the I healthy compulsive thought of lymphoma on our mind. It actually makes it worse!

I am right there w you! I am SO scared that I have lymphoma and will leave my kids too! Today, I have looked at my collarbone at least 15 times w my arms in varying positions to see if there is a lump there! I have even measured the width of it today to see if it's the same on both sides! I fear lymphoma too....along with all cancer actually. You are not alone. We can't say for sure if either of us have lymphoma, but we can say it's highly doubtful! What we do have is HA and I'm in your boat Hun! Sending positive energy your way today! No more poking for either of us. I will stop if you stop too :-)

I even considered posting a pic of my collar bone to see if you all thought one side was fatter than the other....geez. I'm officially crazy!

[Worried 24/7]

I've been doing the same today which I've NEVER done! The left side in the picture looks wider to me....

[Worried 24/7]

I think what looks bigger in your picture is possibly the muscle, not the bone

[Stressed32]

I think yours is just shadow of picture and muscle around that bone. Is that the side you hold baby on more? That's not where your nodes are.

[Jolly12]

Here's the thing...

None of us are medical experts and I know when I read that, it doesn't ease my anxiety. I understand what it is like to go from page to page to find someone to tell you that you are fine. That only works temporarily.

Yes - there are stories of people who had something "missed" but they make the news because they are so rare. If they happened all of the time, they wouldn't be newsworthy. At some point, you have to just trust your doctor. They went to school for a loooong time and they know what to look for.

When I get nervous and I poke, I will automatically find something. If you want something to be wrong with you, there will be - every time. When I stopped poking and I "put it on the shelf" the pain went away and so did the swelling. When I went back for my biopsy results, I told the doctor I could feel the lymph nodes in my neck, and he said they were fine. A lot of people can. They are highly concentrated in the neck.

You will never be 100% sure that you don't have something, but that is the trick to living with uncertainty. I am certain that everything is uncertain. Even if you go and get a PET scan of your entire body, and it shows NO cancer, there is still a chance someone read it wrong or missed something. The hardest part is accepting that. Things will turn out alright and no one wants to leave their family but we can't give them the full attention and love they deserve when anxiety and stress are dividing our minds.

[Fishmanpa]

Ummmm.... Ladies.... Really now.... Pictures, xrays, CT or MRI scans or body body parts..... no one is symmetrical.

But if you want to post full frontals to be sure, I'm sure the guys wouldn't mind :D

Positive thoughts

[Stressed32]

Ummmm.... Ladies.... Really now.... Pictures, xrays, CT or MRI scans or body body parts..... no one is symmetrical.

But if you want to post full frontals to be sure, I'm sure the guys wouldn't mind :D

Positive thoughts

Omg...thanks so much for the laugh! You are right!

[Worried 24/7]

Hahaha! Just now catching these responses...it's true that I need to trust doctors more, but I always feel so rushed off. I have so many odd pains that I know it has to be bad. And they all came on within three months